When and what to tell ex

[Rinoachicken]

Hi

I separated from ex-h 2 years ago now after years of emotional and sexual abuse. Currently going through divorce which is proceeding well.

We have two DS (8 and 4).

I am in a new relationship which is going really well, it’s reached he point where he’s met the boys and all is going really well.

What I want to know is, what and when do I tell my ex?

During the divorce he has written letter after letter of vile crap to my solicitor and in one made reference to him having ‘the right to know if ther is another man in control of my children’ (the only one wanting to any controlling here is him but there we are).

So what do I say, when, how? How much am I allowed to say is none of his business and how much is he entitled to know as the boys father?

I’m was planning on just telling him I am in a new relationship and give him the opportunity to meet my new partner? Is that ok?

He's not entitled to know anything, and as he has previous history of being a twat I wouldn't be telling him a thing. It would be very different if you both had a reasonable relationship and there was no history of shitty behaviour, but there isn't. So disclose nothing and if he asks, tell him it's not his concern.

You don't have to tell him anything. You certainly don't have to let him meet your new partner. I've never met my Dad's mum and we've been married for years/have the SC here at least every other weekend/for holidays. Your ex sounds like a nasty piece of work, he's not entitled to any info, I'd tell him bare minimum if he asks, it's none of his business.

• DSC's Mum!!

Yes, I’d tell him. But I wouldn’t be giving him the opportunity to meet the new guy. That will only make him think you want his approval of him.

I wouldn't tell him the DC will say something and when he spills his vitriol you can inform him that it's none of his business.

Thanks everyone, that’s all really helpful x

I had an awful time with my ex, plenty of threats about me being with someone else and having another man around my child. I told him when I had been with DP around a year and a half, purely because DP was sick of the crap I was getting and he felt me keeping it a secret was me not taking us seriously (I was, I just didn't want to risk any reprisals from a violent ex). I'm still getting constant crap and still getting threats from the ex. If it wasn't for DP I would have said nothing and kept it that way - my private life is nothing to do with my ex and DP isn't particularly involved with DC

I agree, if you had a reasonable relationship with your ex then it might be fair to let him know about your new man. However, you already know he's not going to like it. So, would telling him make much difference to how he will take the news? I doubt it. Sounds like he hasn't earned the right.

Tell. Him. Nothing.

How long have you been with the new man?
Have you has counselling for the years of abuse?

Exh spewed at kids when they told him about DP. Judge said it as none of his business and that his reaction was totally inappropriate.

Don't tell him anything. Certainly you don't have to let him meet him!

What stage of divorce? Do you have a firm agreement? Caution if he can decide to reverse decisions.

Hiya, been with new DP about 6 months. I did the freedom programme which was great and am having counselling yes.

Decree nisi has been applied for. Ex sees the kids fortnightly for he weekend, which is by mutual agreement, no court order or anything. It was weekly but my eldest asked for it to be EOW instead.

Forgot to add new DP is a social worker and I think as soon as ex knows that he’ll be scared off.

You owe him nothing Op, he has no rights with regards who you are with and who meets your dc when they are with you.

I hope that you have a lovely life ahead with your new man