Wife is in love with another man

[Kop1121]

Hi guys. So this may be a long one. I am in such a messed up situation but i have had a few weeks to sort of get my mind clear.

So me and my wife have been in a long diatance relationship since we met over 4 years ago. She is from south america and me from eu. So we have been trying to be together for all this time as she needed a visa to be together. We got married in her home country and applied for a visa to be together which was rejected, so we applied again to be together. While this visa was being decided i took her to another county closer to mine where she could stay with a friend and be closer to me, she has been there for 5 months and i have been travelling every few weeks to be with her. All this time we were so happy, we were planning to marry again in a religious ceremony next year and have a family together.

So here is where the problems start. She was all time meeting guys as friends amd never once doubted that they were just friends but then she met a 20 year old fitness instructor 6 weeks ago,she is 10 years older than him. They started as friends but something inside me was saying there was something wrong. They started to post very close pics and i didnt like to which she got upset for, especially cause this guy didnt even know she was married. I kept to tell her to tell him but she didnt, (i should have told him myself really) he was enjoying the time with him and was saying he was having fun and he was very charming, basically they was the same way me and her was when we first met,and she laughs at everything he says. So i was over to see her and she was different with me, not the same closeness, overall just not happy to see me. She was fighting all the time with me and snapping at me when i was there.

She said she didnt want to go to my country as she would miss her "friend", so she when i returned to my country she went to this guys house and stayed there for basically 3 weeks. She said she fell in love with him and doesnt love me anymore and that she had been sleeping with him. This guy then found out she was married but by then he was in love and he was trying find ways to get her to stay in that country with him. But her visa was accepted so she could come to be with me, but she still was sad to be with me and saying she wont enjoy the time in my country but in the end she decided to go with me. We actually leave to go to my country tomorrow.

All this had left me so upset and angry and hurt, but i have forgiven her and am trying hard to not be jealous and make her fall in love with me again. Last night she was intimate with me, she was reluctant qnd had reservations but we did and enjoyed,so she cheated on this guy with me her husband. My parents even are understanding of her and still want her to be apart of their family. What hurts me is if the visa was accepted 6 weeks ago all this would be different. I also am in the legal side of things that her visa has been accepted on the basis of our marriage. But all this has me so confused and i still want to be with her and have the family but i also want to fix us and i want her to want to be with me. At the moment she doesnt want, she wants to try get citizenship in my country and then return to him if that is what both want down the road. I am tryimg to joke and laugh again with her and return to me and our marriage. A few people have said to leave her but that isnt to easy either because of the visa, she cant return to her home country.

All in all, i am calm and not too upset anymore but it breaks my heart that she is happy with another guy.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks in advance of replying.

End it. She doesn't know what she wants. Find someone who really wants to be with you. There is nothing to salvage here.

I'm sorry for your pain.

Why would her uk visa stop her going back to her home country? That doesn't make sense. Perhaps it means she won't be able to stay in the new man's country if you revoke her ability to stay in the UK. But that's not your problem.

It sounds like whatever she felt for you previously, you are now just a means to a visa so she can be with him. Dragging this out is only going to cause you more pain.

The whole visa six weeks earlier and life would have been perfect is bollox. If she's had her head turned so easily it was going to happen some time. Better now before you had invested anymore time, love and money. And thank God you hadn't started a family with her. Double up on the condoms to make sure she doesn't get pregnant to ensure visa, cos I really can't see any other reason for her having sex with you if she's so determined to be with new guy!

Double up on the condoms to make sure she doesn't get pregnant to ensure visa, cos I really can't see any other reason for her having sex with you if she's so determined to be with new guy

Very good point. The other reason for her to have sex with him is to keep him on a string in case the new guy meets someone younger and prettier. He's the backup/emergency option in case things don't work out with the new fellow. But she could be trying to "oops" him.

OP, her immigration issues are not your problem. Unless she's lost her citizenship somehow she can always go back to her home country. I'm sorry to say it, but you are being played for a fool. Put an end to it. Find a solicitor, no more sexual contact, etc. Staying in this marriage will be nothing but heartbreak and pain.

Hey guys. Thanks for the replies. @thingsdogetbetter and @missconductus, the visa actually is to ireland and she is from Venezuela. The main reason she cant return is because the situation is so bad there, one of the reasons she left her country was to help her family, to send food and money back to them. I must point out she has bi polar disorder, so she has mood swings and bouts of depression and manic highs. So basically if i revoked her visa she would be deported back to venezuela. The worst part of it all is that because of the long distance we havent been able to spend long long time together in our 4 years. So i always felt once she was here with me, all would be amazing me and her living together.

So an unstable woman desperate to leave her home country in order to provide for her family with whom you have only had a long distance relationship? And she's openly cheated on you and admitted to wanting to be with the other guy. I don't think there is any 'us' to fix. I presume you've been the one paying for the visa legalities and her living expenses in Ireland? And will continue to pay while she gets citizenship so she can leave you immediately for him?
I think you need to take off those amazingly hardworking rose tinted glasses and accept you've been played for a mug!
Her having to return home will leave her in no worse a situation than she was in before she meet you. Let her new man worry about her future. You need to worry about your own.

Her mental heath issues, unless they improve with a strictly adhered to treatment program, render her incapable of being in a stable relationship.

Millions of people have left Venezuela for better places. She can do the same once she returns. Don't worry about her - she already has her next victim lined up, she's just trying to bleed you a bit more before she moves on. Women like her will always land on their feet because there are always gullible men about to manipulate.

You never had a relationship. You were conned into a sham marriage for her sole benefit. She has no honor or integrity. Get shut of her and be glad you did before there were children involved. The only way this could get worse is if you get her pregnant.

Thanks all. I have taken all of your advice on board trust me. I think maybe you are correct. Ill think hard about my next move is and see what happens

Christ almighty, the mind boggles at how some people get mugged off and then still come back for more

the mind boggles at how some people get mugged off and then still come back for more

It's incredibly common. Everyone wants to be loved. Google "romance scam" and "sham marriage". It's very, very hard for people who have been conned to step outside of their current view of the situation and look at it objectively. People who commit these frauds deserve a special place in hell.