Rant: I fucking hate 'D'H and sometimes fantasize about him dying

[Moritz]

I hate him so much. Id never do anything to harm him but last night as i drifted to sleep i was happy thinking hes dead but then the potential grief of our children struck me and i felt evil for wishing him death.
I really need to get out this is making me incredibly angry and resentful. He is so useless, so selfish, so messy, lazy and boring.

Of course i intend on keeping things civil with him for access etc but i wish i could just cut all ties with him and his family.
I cant believe i wasted years with him. Seeing him now with sober eyes makes me wonder what i ever saw in him.

Anyone felt this about an ex?

Yes. I disliked him intensely and had very little respect for him but tried for many years to keep the family together. I always felt it was never bad enough to leave, but in reality of course it was, if one or both are unhappy it makes everyone unhappy. It took for me to find out he was having an EA to make me leave.

Three years on I could not be happier.

Thanks orange. Not bad enough to leave was exactly my thinking for far too long. I cant wait to be in charge of my own house and my own rules and my own taste in decor and furniture. He is so controlling and negative.. not because decor is his thing but just to contradict me and put my taste and ideas down.

Ah, the bliss of having your own front door. Priceless.

I won't kid you that it won't be tough at times, but to be happy in yourself without the dark cloud hanging over you will be so so worth it.

The amount of times I wished that my DH would crash his car into a tree while. I was married . . . I’m not proud of myself for thinking this but I was too afraid to end the marriage while the kids were growing up. 3 years divorced I’m pretty happy, don’t know and don’t care about him.

You're not alone. I fucking hate my narcissistic, selfish, hypocritical arsehole stbxh, and would happily see him fall under a bus

I started to wish the same about my ex H so my life could be my own without being constantly criticised, controlled, emotionally and financially abused and listen to him moaning about his children.

That's when I knew it was over, that I should not wish that on him. We divorced. Life has not been a doddle since then but I'm glad I got out when I was young enough to start again. And the children were far happier afterwards.

I also left mine after years of thinking I would make the best of it. I often fantasied about him dying. Being a single mum sometimes not easy but even at its most difficult it's much easier than living with a narcissistic, controlling, negative man. Make it happen, grit your teeth and stay positive. Staying with someone you wish was dead really isn't worth it

Thank you everyone i feel loads better. Really focusing on my future x

My fantasy for years was I’d wake up in the morning and find him dead beside me; sadly it never happened but his controlling, abusive behaviour finally escalated to him raping me, and that was the catalyst for my ending the marriage. The past year has been wonderful and despite some problems it is lovely without him. I’d never realised just how unhappy I’d been, and what a toxic effect he had on everything (although I knew it was all very wrong). After 27 years I literally skip with happiness.