Help me NOT go back to him and stick this out

[HappyFeet92]

Don't know what I'm asking for really. Please keep me going because I've got some really really dark days ahead. I've name changed as I've posted few times on here before..

He's an idiot and today IS the final straw I know it's over and it hurts so much. He pushed me over and kicked me repeatedly. I've got a slight bruise on my collar bone. This isn't the first time. I can't believe I'm even writing this out - everyone thinks he is the high earning family man when behind closed doors he is nasty to me when I've "upset him". He makes out it's normal what he does when he lashed out. Apparently I make him angry and wind him up? He's still not even sorry. This happened earlier today about 11am. We aren't married but own a house together and 2 young dc. They didn't see this happen but they hear him shout and Swear at me - So do the neighbors. I'm sick of his shit and his stupid family who support him. I am scared of being lonely. I've locked the door so no way is he getting back in here tonight. How do you be strong because right now I want to breakdown. I have no friends who I feel I could confide in, I'm close to my mum but I'm scared to tell her and ADMIT what is really going on. I did try call women's aid once but I was on hold for ages.

One particular occasion what makes me know I should never speak to him again was April last year. He got drunk on holiday, I bought up about him having an emotional affair with a work colleague. He went mad at me, threw me to the floor, I was naked. He then dragged me out the caravan and locked me outside on the night (about 12am), for about 2 mins. Why haven't I left this abusive cheating bastard. Why the fuck can't I do it. We are in our mid-late 20's and i fucking HATE what he has done to me/Carrys on making me feel shit and worthless. I'm not going to call the police, even though I probably should, just because of the children, his family, my family. He tried to take his own life December - no excuse to do all this stuff to me. He has gone back out to the pub tonight (I met some friends earlier), and he has walked out without saying bye - that was the nail in the coffin to me tonight. He can't care about me. He is a cunt. What do I do from here? Completely ignore him and get locks changed tomorrow? I've text him explaining he isn't coming back home tonight, door is locked. Someone give me hope/strength.

So the first stage is admitting. I'm admitting this doesn't happen often but it's happened again today. This type of stuff has happened a handful of times which is TOO many times.

Please tell people, it is not you that should be feeling shame.
Contact women's aid.
Is there someone that can come and be with you?
You can do this, be strong for yourself and your children, you deserve better.

Please please be strong and GET RID. This horrible abusive man will not change and you and your children deserve so much better. What he has done to you is horrific. His family sound just as bad as him and will probably support him. Please tell your not her the truth. You need her right now and she will support you. I was in a horrifically abusive marriage many years ago.. I remember having a bottle of champagne smashed on my head and lying to the doctor at a and e that id fallen. My not her came to visit in the morning as she's had a bad dream about me..i quickly wrapped my bloodied head in a towel and pretended I'd just come out of the shower . When I eventually told her she was my strength - all my family were. Please try women's aid again and muster all the courage you have to get rid of this monster. Trust me - he will never change, you will survive, and your children will be happier because of it. Believe in yourself. Love yourself and your kids - not him. Xx

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry he’s done this to you. I know that often it takes several incidents before women will report violence from their partner to the police so I’m not going to suggest it. You know that this isn’t right, there’s no excuse, literally nothing you can do or say that deserves being treated like this.

I think the thing which will help you to stay away from him will be telling someone, anyone, so that this stops being his nasty little secret and becomes your real life. I know this is not the life you want to admit to living, but to get help and support you need to tell your mum or a close friend, just say the words out loud, see the horror on their faces and it will make it harder for you to go back if you end up feeling weak one day.

You honestly deserve so much more. I came on here to say that it’s not easy splitting from someone when you still love them, but reading what he has done to you this is really abusive and horrendous behaviour. And yet the thing that seems to have pushed you over the edge is that he left without saying goodbye or checking that you were ok. I fear that if he had, if he’d shown any remorse, you would forgive him.

Please protect yourself, protect your dcs from witnessing this (even if they don’t see it, they will hear it, they will see the fear when you make him cross and they will grow up to think this is a normal relationship). You don’t have to report him to the police but please do make it official, tell someone you know. Make a note of the date. Maybe you could speak to a neighbour and ask if they heard anything, just so that you have someone to corroborate it if you ever need to in future.

I’m sure others will be along with more experience and advice, but I just wanted to say please take a long hard look at what you’ve written (and all the many other occasions you haven’t mentioned here, because I’d bet my house there were lots of them) and ask yourself what you’d say to a friend, or your daughter if you have one, if they came to you and told you this.

You deserve to be treated with respect. At all times.

I mean 'mother' - Not 'Not He's - sorry predictive text is rubbish !!

I am embarrassed. It is embarrassing. I'm not going back now. I love him so much I wish I didn't I'm sick of being treated like shit well I'm standing up for myself now, I am DONE with him. He will be drunk now, so not a chance in hell of him getting in this house tonight. Eventually he will play the "I pay money into this house" card but I don't give a shit, I'm going to completely stonewall the bastard now. I don't know what to do with contact and the children.

Thank you so much for your replies it makes me feel less alone. My dc's are asleep now. Why has it had to turn like this. My heart is breaking.

The safest thing would be to have this abuse on record so that he can’t have unsupervised contact with the DCs. If he’s anything like most of these arseholes he will use the DCs to try and score points, threaten to take them, but won’t actually want to do any parenting. For now, you can get financial help so his “I pay the bills” bollocks doesn’t matter. He will have to pay towards your children and you can get reductions on council tax and some bills for being a lone parent. Don’t let finances be a factor, as plenty of women manage just fine on one income or with tax credits etc.

Don’t be embarrassed. You have done nothing wrong. You are protecting your children by leaving him, you should be proud of that. The more you can have documented, the more agencies you can involve the stronger you will feel. Women’s Aid have helped lots of posters so definitely persevere with them. Otherwise maybe speak to your GP/health visitor as a first port of call. They can help put you in touch with others who can help you.

Hard as it is, please talk to your mum. I would be devastated if my DC we're going through this and didn't feel they could confide in me. If your mum is supportive she could really give you the help you need to be strong in getting out of this awful situation.

Ide ring both sets of parents and police and tell them everything

To protect your kids lovely you have to protect yourself
He needs to see the consequences of his actions, otherwise
He will escalate

Please take care 💐

Happy what can I say? It's not love. You say you are being treated like shit. Don't worry about contact with the children. Get yourself and your Dcs into a safe place.

In my life so far i have hidden several things because i don't want people knowing my business. Those things had a hold on me and now I tell people all the time because i am no longer ashamed or embarrassed and I shouldn't have been in the first place. Tell people and start now. Be matter of fact, say We are splitting up because he was violent and abusive to me. Don't be ashamed because its not your shame, its his. Tell the world what a nasty bastard he is!

Well done for admitting it OP - you are being fantastically strong. Be very careful with your children of a man who is abusive but also has made suicide attempts. Get the abuse reported to the police in case you need the reports in the future.