Have to meet with ex MIL- dreading it

[ecbdln]

NC for this. Just need to vent

My ex MIL who has been absolutely horrible to me wants to meet my newborn daughter (her grand daughter) and I'm absolutely dreading it. She's coming with her daughter (my ex SIL- if that's a thing)

My ex partner said a lot of horrible things about me to them, so naturally, they absolutely hate me. I tried to reach out before my daughter was born to make amends with them and also because her son (my ex partner) was being really abusive and I didn't know who else to talk to. MIL ended up blocking me and that was the end of it.

Me and my ex have since resolved stuff and agreed to be civil and he sees our daughter. He asked me a few days ago if his mum and sister could meet the new baby and I said yes, I told him he needed to tell his family the stuff he'd told them about me wasn't true, he said he would, then he said we'd all meet up for coffee in the week. I'm just absolutely dreading it. They hate me. And i doubt ex would tell them everything he said about me was BS. I know it's not about me, it's about them meeting their grand daughter and niece. But it's just going to be so awkward and shit. How am I going to get through this. Ugh.

(And leaving exP to take baby to meet them by himself is out of the question- he has absolutely no idea how to look after her by himself and I'm also ebf)

Can you take some support. A family member or friend to equal out the balance.
Be strong. If they say anything just leave.
I don't blame you for dreading it.

Why meet??
I wouldn’t bother!

The first thing I would ask them when you meet is whether exP told them the truth about you, if they say no then give him a glaring look and ask him to explain otherwise I'd be straight out of there!

Best of luck and don't let them be horrible to you!

@Fishface77

I would just feel awful if I didn't give my baby the chance to have even more people around that love her. I just wish they didn't hate me so much 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why would you want these people to be in your daughter's life?

Oh god no. Don’t meet them!

They’ve been awful to you. I’m all for lots babies and children being surrounded by as much love as possible but if they can’t be nice to you, they don’t get to be with your baby. When she’s older and ex can have her on his own they can meet her then. There will still be a risk then that they’ll slag you off to her, but you can cross that bridge then.

This is his fault. And theirs. Not in any way yours. He’s lied and bitched about you and ruined the chance of a civil relationship.

Don’t hand your tiny new baby over to people who make you, her mum, unhappy and stressed.

I would also second having someone there with you. Also do remind them that the things he has told them about you are untrue. If there is any nastiness just leave. Do not engage in a war of words.

As well as taking someone with you, I'd insist they were told it was lies before you meet with them and I'd want confirmation of that before I go anywhere.

Imo your baby should not be around people who don't love and respect you.

Your baby needs a calm mother. Don’t put yourself under stress for them.

If you do go, I agree about taking someone with you.

No way op. Don't do it

I wouldn't do it either Lady

Take someone with you.

Oil go but take a friend and as pp says as soon as you see the, say hi. 'So did ex tell you the truth about me & xxx'

It will put you in strongest position where you've been crystal clear, you're already in the strongest position of mother and they won't see your dd without towing your line, so please don't worry. See it as a last opportunity for them to make things right and be optimistic about the future for your relationship. Your dd will greatly benefit of you can all get on as well as possible.

Good luck!

You’d be outnumbered. Why put yourself through it.

He can take the baby to meet them when she’s old enough for him to take her. It’s not up to you to facilitate contact with the in laws.

Don’t hand your tiny new baby over to people who make you, her mum, unhappy and stressed.

This^^

You have years to straighten this out with ex's family anyway. Don't give them a reason to stress you out more now. Concentrate on making the both of you into your own family. (I'm a Lone Parent).

I don’t understand why you’re putting yourself thro this.

You don’t need these abusive people in your life, neither does your baby.

They can meet your dd when she’s old enough to have contact with her father by herself and he can then take her to meet his family.

They’re horrible to you and abusive and so is your ex.

Why bother, spend the time enjoying your baby. I wouldn’t really want people who hated me around my child anyway they’d either treat my child horribly or be horrible about me or my child and undermine me in my absence.

Agree with the taking your own support, and warning ex that the first topic of conversation is that they are aware of the lies he has told them about you, or you leave.

You don't have to do this - you don't owe them anything.

I would not be taking my tiny baby to meet people who had treated me like this. If they offered me a sincere and meaningful apology, I might consider it.

No. Even if the dust has settled MIL meets on her own on your turf. They’ve shown their colours and to be honest I doubt any of them will bring peace and love into you and babies life.

Get him to write a text or email to them both, copying you in saying:

• x, y, z was untrue
• fishface is a, b, c
• we are working though this for the sake of the baby and hope you can support us on this.

Then meet outside the home on neutral turf, so that you can get up and leave if it gets nasty, with equal numbers of friends / family on your side.

But you dont have to do this when you are feeling vulnerable. You have the rest of her life to let them meet her - it doesnt have to be now - or run to their timetable - your DD will get nothing out of it now. No rush.

Sorry missed the bit about the MIL being horrible to you.

No don't do it. She will never change. You reap what you sow.

Do not meet his mother or her daughter under any circumstances. The rotten apple that is your ex did not fall far from the rotten tree that is his
family of origin.

Why would you put yourself through this? This is going to be really unpleasant, and your out laws will have no reason to believe your version of events. Neither does your exP have any reason to change his story. It's his and their fault that they are in the situation that they are in, and it is not up to you to fix this. I would stay firm and say that once everything has been cleared, you are happy to meet them (it will never happen, trust me). Don't make it your problem!!

Get your Mum or a friend to be with you and prepared to stand up for you if necessary.

I would think they’ll probably going to be civil though otherwise they aren’t going to see the baby.