Confused who is in the total wrong

[rocky13]

Hello I'm from Canada
My husband has a daughter who is now 18
I've know her since she was 11 years old she was sweet and kind then
After her mother left her at 14 she has been mean to me since
Now that she is 18 she calls me stupid dumb and a bitch the biggest one is a cunt
Today i had enough she called me it 3 times i got mad and grabbed her book to get her to listen and asked her what did you call me then she slapped me across the face and i don't know what happened next i lost it
I yelled at her and tried to smack her back then i had a chair in my face i pushed back now in self defence mode i broke the plastic chair and hit her with it and she hit me again i grabbed the back of her neck and hair and said grow up i think u should pack up and get out then she hit and pulled my hair i left and went in the house
My husband said i assuted her first
Is he right or wrong here?

SHE... hit you first OP... she sounds fucking horrendous... and I wouldn't have her on my home

I certainly wouldn’t be letting anyone call me a cunt in my own house! I think this situation has been a long time in the making. She has been out of control for quite a long* time. I think physical aggression can get out of hand really quickly. You got cross so quickly and I could understand a brief physical tussle, but this is nasty on both sides.

I think you were unreasonable to be having a go about the shopping and it shouldn’t have made you so angry. It’s probably time for some tough love. Put in place some boundaries that you and husband agree and explain this is how we do it here. Start with no physical fighting and ensure she realises that all three need to follow it. No calling each other cunts. Add a couple more. You also need to 7nderstand the rules apply to you too.

Is she at school? At work? Does boyfriend stay at yours?

I also think you should accept your behaviour was disgraceful, as was hers. But I am worried at the violence of your behaviour - you say you lost it? Also consider how the relationship has deteriorated to this stage and your role in causing that. You were/are the adult. I’ d be talking to Dad about the need to step up. It’s interesting * that he thinks you started it...perhaps you did.

Her mum has fucked off, you are in her place. No excuse for violence but sit her
Down and tell her straight her options. Did her mum hit her? Are you confirming that’s what people do? Try to befriend her if that’s possible; she may have had a shit life and knows no difference. She’s still your husbands child, let him lead on this

You’re both equally at fault. I doubt you can come back from this so one of you will need to move.

She's 18 OP.. not a Child... ask your Husband to help her find her own wee flat where she can make her own rules .. and live the life she chooses.. he can maybe help pay the rental etc

Neither one of you did right here but as the adults (when this started building) your husband and you should have stopped this entitled and disrespecting behaviour.

She needs to leave and your husband needs to decide how he feels about that.