Tell him again or wait for the penny to drop?

[takemeimalive]

Posted before - I’ve fallen out of love with my dh after 20 + years. Two dc early teens, no drama I just can’t face it anymore. We have drifted apart.
Had counselling together four months this year. Nothing changed. I was open about wanting to separate (I plan to wait a year due to dc exams) as the counselling only seemed to consolidate my view. We took a break from the counselling at the counsellor’s suggestion. Now dh wants to go back, I’m not sure of the value but I will go. I don’t know whether to continue with being honest and open about how I feel or be quiet and let him realise for himself we are not good for each other anymore? Maybe he just needs more time. It seems cruel to keep saying I feel it’s over when it doesn’t seem to compute, he is in denial. Any advice please?

Agreeing to counselling is sending out the wrong signal. You see it as a way to get him to accept its over. He will see it as a glimmer of hope that you are prepared to 'try' - no matter what you say. He doesn't want to divorce or separate. He doesn't want to live apart from his children (or you). You don't want to live with him. The children want to live with both of you. Given all these facts it would seem reasonable for YOU to move out in the summer holidays. Tell him after the last exams in June. If it's what you have decided and what you want then be straight.

If DH doesn't want to move and wants to be with the kids, then they are going to have to decide who they live with. At GCSE age, it can be either of you and if it went to a family court (I'm sure it won't as it doesn't sound like it has reached that level) then the decision would be theirs. Are you prepared to live apart from your children ? Are you just as happy to make him live apart from his children ?

Talk to your husband again. You have grace. Use it. Good luck.

My advice is go back to counselling and tell him clearly that you think the marriage is over and you want to make a plan to separate, you don't feel anything will change that. hopefully the therapist can help you both through it.

I think you need to be blunt with him. Tell him it's over but that you'd like to keep it from the kids until exams are over. At least he knows where he stands. Also, tell him that if he doesn't move out then you most definitely will and start getting finances in order. The only way he will see you are serious is by you taking action.

OP, no advice really, but I totally support your decision to wait until exams are over! Perhaps posters haven't done the GCSE/A Level thing yet. There's not a chance in hell I'd separate during my child's most crucial time at school.
However (!!!), you said early teens. So why wait? Exams are when they're ages 15-16 for GCSEs. So, unless your in the thick of GCSEs, I would not wait, not at all.
How old are the kids?

I can see why you are waiting to tell your children but I think it's pretty cruel that you haven't been honest with your husband. You need to tell him so he can accept it is over and start the healing process.