Cheating Partner - please help

[Oneofeach33]

I am really hoping someone can help with a bit of direction for me. I have two children with my partner of 5 years. Our youngest child is 7 months old.
After our first child was born around the time he was 1 my partner left me for a break. It later turned out he had met someone at work that he felt he connected with. Nothing physical happened and we worked through things to get engaged and have our second baby.
Now around the same time as with out first child I noticed he had been distant again and once again left me for a break. He explained that he was unhappy and I accept that I need to work on a few things to help us move forward and we were working things out. Only I have now found out that he has actually gone further this time and started to see someone else. He has ended this and said he just felt trapped and didn't know where else to go. I realise all this makes him sound like a horrendous person but part of me does accept that we were going through a tough time and yes he took the wrong way to deal with it but I do believe we could make the relationship back to what it should be. I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that I was quite low after having both children and my confidence was knocked and we both neglected each other and focused solely on the children and forgot the fundamentals of our relationship.
Am I being ridiculous or is there a way to make this work if we are both willing?
I'm struggling as I don't really have anyone to turn to.

You poor thing. He's massively let you down at the most crucial of moments. He sounds like a selfish entitled arse of a 'man'., prioritising himself above anything else. Sadly, he now believes that he can do whatever he likes and you'll be waiting in the wings for him when he wants to crawl back. Let me tell you though, no man is EVER worth sacrificing your sanity, your dignity, your self-esteem, your happiness and peace of mind for.

Whaaaaaat?! Why are you not raging? The year after you have a baby is hard work and you’re quite vulnerable in my experience with both of ours. He should be there supporting you, not going off on “breaks” which just seem to be a way of him cheating “legitimately”. You need to find your anger.

OP - first off - your ‘partner’ isn’t a cheat, or a horrendous person - both times - he told a you and left the relationship - you said - ‘on a break’.
So - whatever he did with the other people was fair game, as add as it is to hear it.

However - is is clear that he is not sure about your relationship. And he seems to try to convince himself that he needs to be in it - maybe because of duty. But then it fails for him - time and time again.
And - unfortunately - it doesn’t look good for the future.

And - OP - I am sorry to say - but you need to get some more self respect and stop being so fixated on him. And stop hoping he’ll come around and that you being low is the cause of your relationship problems.

Equally - stop taking him back. And forgetting the past.
Why didn’t you wait until the relationship got back on track, and the engagement turned into actual marriage before having another child with him? It’s mind bogglin

This sounds absolutely awful I'm so sorry OP.

I think it's obvious he's just keeping you on the back burner constantly so he can come back to his lovely little family whenever he wants and leaves as he pleases to go off shagging. But of course the grass is always greener and it's inevitable that he is going to continue to do this as you stay together, switching between you and his OW.

I personally think you need to get rid once and for all, totally f*ck him off. Focus on your kids and yourself. Build your confidence up, love yourself and realise you are worth so much more than this bloke. If he loved you and respected you at all he wouldn't of been able to go off with anyone else. That's the reality of it. You deserve so much more

The only thing you can count on is that when the going gets tough, your partner will take off. He's done it twice now and I promise he will do it again. How many times are you willing to take him back before you realise this relationship is already over?

Having babies is hard work. What makes it harder is when one of you isn’t there to offer any support and instead goes of shagging other people whenever they want to.

I’m sorry to say this but if your partner had any intention of working through the issues in your relationship, this would have been what he was doing all along instead of doing exactly the opposite. He’s only saying this now so that you don’t leave.

I think you need to start your escape plan.

Thank you for your comments. Believe me I am angry felloutofbed2wice but I'm trying my best not to explode for the children and the fact that I still have to have some form of relationship with their father.
I think ultimately I know what I need to do but it's hard to do when you have two amazing children and you both do love each other, although he may not have shown it.
I'm sorry I should have added to the original post that he suffers from depression and that is the reason he is giving for these 'breaks'.

What is he doing to manage his depression. Has he spoken to the GP? Has he done CBT? Is he actively seeking to ease the depression? I would say that if he has tried everything, and I mean everything that is necessary to help him out of depression you might, but only might let him have a break from the relationship if he was at crisis point. This wouldn’t give him licence to go off and shag other people though.

Are you in a rented house OP? Are you staying?

We bought a house together last year which adds a further complication. He has said I can stay in the house.
Yes he has sought help and takes tablets and talking therapies

OP - you can try to explain it all away and excuse him and blame yourself, or depression.
I have had depression a few times myself, so I am not dismissing it.

He needed a break from you - and family - because he needed a break. And wasn’t sure about wanting you.
And that won’t change.
If he isn’t sure after all this time and kids - it won’t change.