what to do with my marriage from now

[chefbabi]

Hi
i married a much younger man in october 2017. I didn't forsee this because I guess I was too attached or in love at the time.But I need a baby to stay in this marriage to him. Plus I am 37 and time is almost gone before there's no hope left of a baby. But he doesn't want kids for at least 3 years.
I feel empty inside right now. I can't forsee 3 childless years with him being happy...I just see boredom and resentment. I do not how i can't make him understand this.
He only wants to think of school and work right now since he has aspirations to finish engineering and be rich.
I do not know what to do anymore
please advise me

Did you discuss kids/ pregnancy timeline before marriage?

Has he changed his tune since etc?

Given the realities of female fertility you need to start right now. Sit him down, explain this to him and if he's not onboard be prepared to leave him. At that point you will then need to consider single parenthood, perhaps by artificial insemination. This may sound harsh, but from what I've read on how hard it is to have children naturally once you're in your late 30s, this is what is necessary if you do what children of your own.

When you say much younger...??
A compromise is needed, wait 3 years and your fertility will be much lower. Wait one year, not as much..
What were his views before you got married?

Would a serious conversation about IVF and freezing embryos for future use get him to focus on the realities of delaying?

You still have some time I had 4 of my 6 children from age 37 , 39, 42 and my youngest age 44. But really if you cannot agree on this matter you will have to think, will it work? I think he need to understand that if you are worried about having a child it will be harder to conceive as worry affects things. Have a serious talk and explain it to him. Perhaps he will begin to understand the situation.

Thanks for the replies.
I talked to him and he is willing to adopt and older kiddo instead of putting me through pregnancy and post partum complications that im prone to. I guess thats a smart compromise. There are a lot if children who need good homes.

Have you children already from a prior relationship ?

Adoption isn’t a “smart compromise”

There are so many red flags in your post that I’d be very surprised if you were approved. It’s a long and very intrusive process.

I can't forsee 3 childless years with him being happy...I just see boredom and resentment.

This is a relationship problem that having a baby won’t fix.

“I need a baby to stay in this marriage to him”... what does that mean? It sounds quite unhealthy.

How much younger is he? Is adoption what you want? Why do you need a child to stay in the relationship? What age are your other dc?

This all sounds very odd and not in a good way!
You are prone to post-partum problems? Do you already have kids?
Adopting an older child is not a compromise!

Adopting an older child will be adopting a child with significant attachment difficulties and likely trauma. It is nothing like parenting your own baby from birth. Also IME quite often people who are ambivalent about having children at all seem to think that adopting an older child would be a compromise. I think you need a frank discussion about whether he actually wants kids or is just hoping that time will resolve the issue for him.

wtaf

Adoption is hard.
Really hard.
It's a long emotional journey that can take a couple of years.
You have to have a really good solid relationship.
You go through all sorts of things.
You learn a lot about abused children.
It's not like in the movies.
Why is he willing to adopt but not have one of his own?
This all makes no sense at all.

He's doing a number on you. He says he doesn't want a baby, but it's because he's thinking of you. Bollocks to that. He doesn't get to choose what's in your best interests.

However you should never expect someone who does not want a baby to have one. It's just plain wrong. So as things stand, your current DC (I'm assuming you have them, as your post-partum history is mentioned is the size of your family. No new additions.

I would put zero reliance on the idea of adoption. That is faking a future. It strikes me as a tactic to just fob off the situation.

So you have to decide if no more DC is a deal breaker, then act accordingly.

Wtf

You really mustn't think of adoption as a compromise, it really, really isn't. The adoption process is very tough, you need to be really committed. The interviews are really gruelling, and a social worker will spot very quickly if your hearts are not in it. Of course it's possible to say all the right things, but in that case it could really go horribly wrong.

I have 2 adopted DDs (9 and 7 and full birth siblings), and I love them to bits. But it's such an emotional rollercoaster with so many challenges. DD1 has SPD and Attachment Disorder, and has violent meltdowns, lashing out at DD2 and me. As well as lashing out physically, she is also full of backchat. She wasn't fully toilet trained until she was 7, she used to regularly soil her knickers. DD2 is extremely clingy, and hates being alone.

It's rewarding, too, they're both well bonded to us, but it takes a lot of hard work.

I’d suggest you see a counsellor for you to get your head straight. You sound very desperate and upset and that’s not a good place to be in

And how young is he?
He's at school?
Who's paying to see him through all of that?
Is he working?
Does he contribute at all to the household bills and chores?

He is stringing you along op,as in feeding you lies to keep you quiet.
If you want your own baby then it won't be with this man.
Look at your options for living alone and supporting yourself and a baby.
Good luck

Jesus don't think of adoption as an easy compromise!! It's far far from that, esp with an older child.

Couldn't get past "older kiddo" . You're talking about a child as though they are a commodity.