Rape and Domestic Abuse

[WellDoneTiger]

Do all men who abuse their partners also rape them? My husband has done horrible things to me sexually without my consent on the basis, he used to tell me, that it's how he showed affection. The way he has justified his behaviour has made me shudder and made me wonder if I have married a sex offender. He's never been charged with anything, so obviously I'm not married to a sex offender.

It's the attitudes he holds and his way of doing things which have really made me shudder. It is without question that he is an abuser.

Do all abusers sexually assault or rape their partners? There seems to be a lot of male entitlement going on. I know with my STBX that the entitlement includes sex. He told me. I was wondering what was other peoples experience?

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Are you still with him or have you left?

I have been unable to leave for various reasons. I have been working closely with WA, SS, Rape Crisis, the police. The court has ordered that the house is on the market soon. My husband has been doing nothing. Nothing at all about it. I have some fantastic people working to get the house sorted out. They have clocked that my STBX is unco-operative.

I've recently started doing the freedom programme online, at the suggestion of my rape and sexual harm councellor who I'm seeing about c PTSD. Is 35 years since I divorced him and I've been married to a Mr Nice Guy for 32 years, but it's eye opening just how abusive husband no 1 actually was and how I missed it. TBF, my father was an abusive dominant bully and he conditioned me to think that was just "how it was" hence marrying husband 1 at 18 at putting up with horrendous abuse.
You can leave. It will get better. Do the freedom programme irl or online. Sort out your documents your finances. Rerport his stuff to the police. Get a non molestation order in place. Change the locks on the house and dump his stuff outside, if you can.
It's worth it. There is a better life waiting for you

Why is it relevant, ManifestingPowerhouse?

Have you started on the freedom programme?

Thank you growingseeds! The Freedom Programme is fantastic. I'm having counselling with Rape Crisis too about CPTSD. The police know well the situation. I don't think they've interviewed my STBX husband though. He'll be my ex husband very very soon. Hooray!

I have been going through whether or not to try for occupation/non mol with my solicitor for a long time. The courts don't like handing them out. It was the first thing my husband threatened me with.

I too had a father who bullied me to the ends of the earth. All the things you say are in place.

That's great! You WILL get through this and it's really so much better on the other side!

Oh dear. It's such a long long time since I had a nice boyfriend. My husband is the only man I've actually lived with.

I blame myself for wanting children. I had my suspicions that he was abusive when I married him. I already knew that he had strange ideas about sex. I couldn't put my finger on it so let it go.

I don't think ALL abusers rape their victims, but it's certainly common.

I was in an abusive relationship in my teens and he raped me dozens of times. On the flip side, he would refuse sex when I wanted it. It was all about control.

Yes that's what my first husband would do. As you say, all about control :(

It was all very one-sided. It's just how it was. Maybe apart from the odd flash at the beginning it took me a while to learn to do nothing as I was nothing to him.