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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking about an ex...

2 replies

krazykoolkazza · 15/05/2007 23:32

I had an 8 year relationships with an ex whom I lived with. The relationship finished many years ago now and I met my now DH (to whom I'm very happily married) very soon afterwards. The relationship did finish mutually and there was no way at the time that I would have wanted the relationship to continue. He moved out of town soon after and I never saw him again or had any contact with him.

We had some such fantastic times together he was a great friend as well as my lover. A part of me still misses him to this day and somehow I had a closeness with him that, as much as I love my DH to bits, I don't know if I have now. I often think of him and remenisce about him with family (not in front of DH though!) From time to time he crops up in my dreams too. When he does, the dreams are never overtly sexual but are always very loving and feature us cuddling and I feel tremendously close to him. Sometimes the dreams can haunt me for the whole of the following day. It happened last night and today I have felt so much like I miss him.

He doesn't even live in this country now so the likelihood of bumping into him is remote. I do know he's married now too with a family of his own like me. I'd love to see him again and I always hope that I will. I always find myself wondering if he thinks about me too. I can't help thinking that if I do about him he must do about me from time to time too. After all, 8 years is a lot of shared memories and expereinces ( I was his first real serious girlfriend).

I don't even really understand why all this matters to me. I can only think that I met my DH so soon afterwards, and was catapulted into that relatioship which totally consumed me, that I didn't have the chance to deal with the break up of my previous relationship so unresolved stuff is still floating around in my subconscious

Does anyone else have fond thoughts about an ex/wonder about an ex for no real explicable reason despite having totally moved on and being happily married?

Sorry for the long ramble...

OP posts:
warthog · 15/05/2007 23:37

yes! i don't think as strongly as you though, and it has gotten better with time. i often find myself seeing something and thinking 'oh i must tell xp' and then catch myself.

i think if you have loved someone deeply, you'll probably always love them, even just a teensy bit. that's the way i feel anyway. even though i have a fantastic dh and would NEVER do anything to betray his trust. and i wouldn't go out with my ex again.

sort of bitter sweet isn't it?

yoyoma · 16/05/2007 09:22

Oddly enough my first boyfriend was in my dreams last night too . Its always the same im really really happy to see him, but then get sad in the dream cos i realise its just a dream. Then the whole next day i feel a bit dreamy and wistful (and a bit sad) and like you my family loved him. For me i put it down to the first person you love will always stay with you. I did google him! but really dont have the courage and question the point of contact. Im married now with ds. Also if its like me (10 years ago) I'm remembering someone alot younger, when we were too. And maybe its more fantasy than reality?
Do you feel differently about yourself when you remember the relationship?

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