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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Whatsapp monitoring not working

46 replies

User0811 · 05/05/2018 17:36

I started using whatsdetective on my repeat cheating husband after finding about it on MN ... I don’t want to get into a debate about how it’s wrong... because after everything he is putting me through I don’t trust him without it...
The website stopped working today with 404 error...
Does anyone know why? Has it been stopped? My anxiety is through the roof about what he is doing on his phone.

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 05/05/2018 17:38

Sometimes it is down for a day when they update system,

ShesAYamEater · 05/05/2018 17:40

what is this and how does it work?

User0811 · 05/05/2018 17:41

Thank you for replying... so it often says 404 error?
I hate not knowing what he’s doing on his phone when he’s on it all day

OP posts:
BoiledFrog · 05/05/2018 17:45

Oh god just get away, the stress is not worth it

User0811 · 05/05/2018 17:45

It tells you how long someone is online for and time...
When he’s been online at 4am or the second I leave the house for an hour or when he goes to the toilet and takes his phone and is online for 20 min... I’ve sadly been able to guess who he has been talking to...

OP posts:
BamBamIsALittleShit · 05/05/2018 17:47

Get a life, and some self respect, and fucking leave him!

User0811 · 05/05/2018 17:47

Boiledfrog... It’s hard, since using this my anxiety has gone through the roof and I don’t stop checking every 5 secs

OP posts:
Redglitter · 05/05/2018 17:48

Ffs if your relationship has been reduced to this it's time to call it a day

AnduinsGirl · 05/05/2018 17:49

I know you won't listen because you don't relaise what a horrendous place you're in at the moment....but this is no way to live. You are doing massive damage to your mental health and self esteem existing like this.
I hope you can find the strength to leave this relationship.

Helpmeplan · 05/05/2018 17:49

Just leave

gamerchick · 05/05/2018 17:50

OP life is very short and too short to live it like this.

It sounds as if this relationship is dead in the water. Come on lass, get rid of him. Flowers

HollyBollyBooBoo · 05/05/2018 17:50

Can you re read your post and try and see how desperately sad this is? If this is what's its come to then it's seriously time to go.

FlippingYep · 05/05/2018 17:58

I’m not going to comment on your use of this website, or why but just wanted to let you know it’s not just you, I’ve been getting the error message too since yesterday evening.

Hope things (in general) improve for you soon.

DextroDependant · 05/05/2018 18:00

If he has lost your trust to this extent you really need to reconsider your relationship.

BoiledFrog · 05/05/2018 18:10

Honestly once you get to this monitoring part, it's really over. He won't ever change. I know what it's like, I have been there, he doesn't value you. I can't even lecture because I put up with untold crap from that ex because I loved him so much.

If I told you about all the stuff he did, the bizarre messages etc you would laugh your arse off. Love is a bizarre thing, I couldn't put up with it in the end though, you can only live with cognitive dissonance for so long.

He isn't for you Flowers

Alfiemoon1 · 05/05/2018 21:41

I’ve been getting the same message and a different one all day hopefully it will be working soon

Alfiemoon1 · 05/05/2018 21:43

I am getting this now

Whatsapp monitoring not working
SusanDelfino · 05/05/2018 23:02

My stalker used this on me...

EddyF · 06/05/2018 01:34

But can't you just use Whatsapp to check if he's online? What does this site do that is different to WhatsApp?

OreoMini · 06/05/2018 04:19

Leave op. This is no way to live

HarryLovesDraco · 06/05/2018 04:46

Eddy seemingly it tells you when the person went on and offline and how long for. Relevant information if you suspect someone of cheating I guess.

User0811 · 06/05/2018 06:04

My relationship isn’t great... but have posted about that at length before... but at the moment I’m feeling stuck
Trying to trust again is hard but monitoring DH phone usage helps... even if building a picture of how much he talks to her.

It still isn’t working and been nearly 2 days... is it working for anyone?

OP posts:
fontofnoknowledge · 06/05/2018 06:29

Read what you just wrote OP.

Trying to trust again is hard but monitoring DH phone usage helps... even if building a picture of how much he talks to her.

How on earth can you even begin to 'trust again' if he is talking to her at all ? If you have had to resort to 'monitoring his phone to 'build a picture' of your DH speaking to someone he has been having an inappropriate relationship with, what on earth do you propose doing with that picture? What , in your mind does the monitoring achieve ?

You have two choices.

You end the relationship because he is/has/will continue to be faithless , which in itself demonstrates a disregard for you that is breathtaking.

You stay in the relationship because for whatever reason you justify in your head, you are prepared to accept this behaviour.

What isn't going to happen - is that , having been 'caught out' by your monitoring- he is in some way going to go 'oh User0811 I'm so sorry, now you have proved to me that I've been lying to you, I will stop and be faithful to the end of our days'. I'm sorry this just isn't realistic.
You can continue to monitor and to have His philandering rubbed in your face hourly (I can't imagine that pain, all day every day) or once 'caught' He will just stop using what'sapp and continue as before without your 'surveillance'

Ultimately it's completely pointless , and a huge distraction to the main problem.Obsessing about a monitoring site rather than WHY you are monitoring !

Your efforts need to be redirected to get some serious help in garnering some self respect to enable you to leave.

LVXiii · 06/05/2018 06:54

I'm so sorry but your relationship is over. It can't go on like this - it sounds terrible and completely unsustainable for both of you. I wish you all the best, but please look at ways you can leave.

Angelf1sh · 06/05/2018 07:42

The fact that you a panicking this much because an app isn’t working, ought to telll you that it really isn’t helping you. It’s feeding your insecurities and any obsessive tendencies that often follow an affair. None of this is helping you and none of it is healthy. Unless you’re literally being held captive, you’re not stuck it just feels that way. You’d be so much happier and healthier if you ended this dreadful “relationship”.