adult son's things

[myidentitymycrisis]

DS (nearly 23, only child of LP) is coming over on Sunday and we are going to sort out his room. I rent a 2 bed property. He moved out in December and has only taken what he needs which leaves the room rather unresolved. I know he is ignoring it because a) it is the end of his childhood and b) he is busy with his adult life.
I'm going to cook a nice lunch for us.

I moved a lot as a child; lived with parents, relatives, boarded, and left home at 16, to give some perspective. I'm conscious I don't want him to feel pushed out. That I am removing him from the house. I was rootless and neglected as a child and as a result feel my parenting style has been a mix of overprotective and quite hardline in terms of expecting him to be independent.

What do you think of my trying to make the room like a spare/ lodger/MA room but without his personal things in it. He can still come back, if needs to but it will be to the spare room, not his room?

I want to sort

1. things to bin/charity.

2.things to ebay

1. things to keep at my house - in loft for the future (eg. vast amount of lego), or elsewhere.

4.things he can take to his flat.

He's 23, he'll get over it! He moved out by choice.

What kind of place is he in now? Does he intend to stay there?

I think as long as he’s aware this is going to happen then that’s fine & you are storing what he wants to keep so I think that is reasonable - I have parents of friends that have just binned their belongings without asking - one reducing her rollerblades from a skip! 🙈

I think it's reasonable if you need the space but I would just make sure that he isn't planning on coming back anytime soon (has he bought or got a 6 month rent which will be ending soon?) and that he knows that he is welcome back if he needs/wants to.

I was never made to feel welcome at my parents house and although it did make me independent very young as I bought a house at 22, it also made me feel very alone and unsupported. You don't sound like that at all though so I am sure you will both be fine.

Well if you need to rent out a room he won't have a place to come back to anyway? If you don't need to rent it out then maybe just redecorate but let him keep his stuff there? Have a chat with him and see what he thinks and wants and explain clearly to him why you're doing what you're doing. He may be relieved that he doesn't feel obliged to move back in with you if he thinks you may be lonely.

Our twenty ur old ds is planning to move out end of Aug.
He is taking some furniture but not the bed as he wants a bigger one.
We are going to give the room a lick of paint and buy a chest of drawers and bedside table and leave it as that.
He knows if he needs to come home it will be his room to come home to but if my mil stays when me and dh go away at least there's a spare room/bed that can be utilised.

I think he's quite young and only just moved out. Do you need the money?

We completely redecorated and installed fitted wardrobes etc in our DS's old room, not immediately after he moved out but after a couple of years. His old stuff was mostly dealt with as per the OP's suggestions.
It's now a guest bedroom, not an adolescent/young bloke's room, and looks great. He and his GF are very comfortable in it when they come to stay.
However we still have his collection of old Beano comics in the loft...

Random yes it was his choice but I did give him a gentle push. Even if we do it get over things’s it’s good to consider others feelings.
perfectlyperfect yes I will definitely discuss it more with him tomorrow but thanks for reassuring me.
He’s in a flat share halfway through a year lease. His job seems secure and he’s happy there. He doesn’t have any immediate plans to come back cricrichan and If I did rent a room out and he needed to come back then I could give anyone notice. I also have a sofa bed if it’s desperate.

I am not wealthy and could do with a bit of extra money, but whether it’s a lodger or not I really don’t want the room to be in limbo.

My dsis is coming to stay soon and the room still has his moving boxes he brought back from uni nearly two years ago in it.

Could you do airbnb or similar, so it can be available to him as long as he gives a bit of notice? And always empty at Christmas etc

I was a bit put out when my parents just cleared my room and dumped it all on me. I got a grip very quickly!! Becoming a fully fledged adult is s strange time IMHO.

Hopefully he'll help you decorate the "spare" room

I kept my son's room as his while he was at Uni but omce hed finished and decided to stay in the same city, his room got turned into an office and we Don't really have any of his belongings here anymore. When he comes home to stay he stays in the spare room. We're now going to be using the spare room as a permanent bedroom for our youngest so he will probably have to stay at his grandmas when he comes back. He's an adult. He couldn't give a monkeys!

the room still has his moving boxes he brought back from uni nearly two years ago in it.

I'd get him to start with those - take what he wants to keep away with him, charity shop or bin the rest. If he's not needed any of it in nearly two years, probably he doesn't need it at all. If it's uni stuff, presumably it's not childhood memories.

It's one thing to have a room he can come back to in case of need; he can't expect you not to use it for anything else in the meantime, whether that's a guest room, an office, a sewing room, or whatever.