People dislike me

[Thanksgiving]

eel so down.
Confidence in tatters after a few weeks of having my ego battered. 4 different social groups have not included me in events eg work colleague wedding everyone else invited, school mums night out, our neighbourhood street party.
I try to be friendly and inclusive to everyone but people seem to dislike me apart from my actual friends.
On top of this I moved into a house I hate to get dd into the nice school which turns out is pretty awful.
Dh suffering from anxiety so trying not to put on him but I’m questioning everything about myself
But I must be pretty unlikeable if so many different groups didn’t want me there- it’s not them it must be me

That sounds tough. It could all be a horrible coincidence. Are you new to area which is how I could see school Mums and neighbours forgetting to invite you.

Could you tell us a bit more? Are you sure you're the only one at work not invited to the wedding? And the street party? what was the street party in aid of? How can you not be invited if you live there?

It’s foundation year so all new mums I’m on the fb group but must have been arranged elsewhere it’s wasnt all the mums but definitely most that I would have expected to be included.
Neighbour new estate so we all moved in around the same time as each other in the last few months

One of the neighbours had a bbq time party that spilled onto the street only found out once I bumped into someone I know whose friend lives on my street.
Yep only work one bar the big boss not to be invited even the temp was invited who has been there less than 6 months.

I feel these days people are less caring & it’s more acceptable to be rude & leave people out of things

I understand how hurtful this must feel. Do you and the work colleague get on normally? Were all the neighbours on the street invited to the bbq? Could you ask a mum at school who you are close to about the get together, it could be something as simple as your name being missed when the message was sent. Concentrate on your other friends or cultivate opportunities to make new ones. School gate relationships can be a minefield.

Sometimes I think people don't deliberately leave others out, they just don't think that it could be seen that way or it might be nice to be inclusive.

These groups / events, do you have a relationship with any of the individuals?

If you're new to the area, those mums at school will have already formed relationships at toddler groups, preschool and so on. It's very thoughtless not to include you, are you generally at the school gate to chat or do you rush off and give the impression you're not interested in socialising?

Again, the street party was actually a private bbq that ended up spilling into the street. I expect your neighbour invited a group of friends and it escalated from there. Once it was in the street, being obvious it was an 'everyone welcome' event I'd have gone out tbh. I bet that's what most of the guests did.

With both of these events I doubt it is anything personal or specific about you - they don't know you well enough to have an opinion yet. Is it possible you come across as aloof and disinterested?

The work one is harder to explain and yes very hurtful. Being honest, how well do you know that colleague, how much interest did you show at the engagement? I think you must have done something specific to upset them to be the only one not invited.

Meant to add - you've got friends, so can't possibly be unlikeable!

Thanks I’m not new to the area just moved house in same place.
I don’t know I think I’m just not well liked I can’t put my finger on what I’m doing wrong.
My Dh says I’m a bit like marmite because I am quite confident. I am opinionated but am mindful of others and wouldn’t dream of being nasty to anyone. I am inclusive so when we’ve done play dates in past with school mums made sure others weren’t left out etc.

Damn name change fail

Could you ask one of your friends for an honest opinion about what you might be doing wrong? Your dh's description of you as 'marmite' and the fact that you consider yourself opinionated might be the answer.

I know two people who refer to themselves as opinionated. They're not horrible or unkind, but can seriously grate after awhile. Mainly, it's offering opinions when they haven't been asked for them, a general air of 'I know better than you you foolish uninformed person' and getting worked up about minor insignificant things.

I'm not saying you do any of that btw!

I think the work one is the only relevant one to be honest. The others are just circumstantial. Are you bothered about going to the wedding?'if not really I wouldn't even sweat it.

Confidence turns people on, not off. So maybe you need to check yourself whether you are coming across as confident or actually cocky. Its a fine line and one that I sometimes need a gentle reminder of myself.

Perhaps they don't like your dp?

apart from my actual friends
You have friends then. People who actually know you, and know you well, like you. Maybe you're a bit full-on or intimidating in the early phases of acquaintance. Maybe you got unlucky and crossed paths with some particularly cliquey or inconsiderate people. Maybe it's couple of unfortunate oversights. Or maybe a combination of the above. But you have people who like you! I know it's easy to say, but try not to sweat about the acquaintances that aren't blossoming into friends - not when you have real friends in your life.

You are putting them together and that is why it feels nasty.

The neighbours thing was a private party no need for you to be invited

The school thing may or may not have been a technical glitch or a human oversight. If you want to be friends put some effort in is my advice.

Lastly the work thing. Why the hell would you want to go? Maybe it is all young kids going and they see you as old or boring or whatever. Just be happy you saved yourself so much money on outfits, cabs and presents.

If you are feeling crap there is only one way to feel better, gather your actual beloved friends, crack open the wine and have fun! The sun is shining you have people that love you. Celebrate what you have, not focusing on the missing invitations.
Turn this moment into a good one. 🍷🍷🍷

Im pretty sure people dont dislike you!! Those are all separate things you have described so most likely are down to fluke or thing snot have being planned as much as you have thought they were.
I bet loads of people were at that street BBQ who had not been specifically invited for example and maybe they just expected anyone who was out to join in? Often things like that work that way.

And the other things... how sure are you of the 'invites'? are you sure people were specifically invited or could it be the case that someone saw someone else was doing something and asked to join and then someone else did as well etc etc... that can often happen with facebook now days.

I am opinionated

It could be just a coincidence but as you’ve suggested that it might be because you are opiniated it could be that? What type of things are you opinionated about?