How do I approach this?

[HeIvetica]

I am so sad already and it isn't even 7am. I have a friend coming to stay for the weekend so my husband has to do the main share of looking after our daughter (god forbid) as I have planned a day and evening out with friend and a nice walk tomorrow.

He has woken this morning and not said a word to me. Normally he would ask how I am, we would have usual conversation. He's brought me breakfast and a cup of tea in bed which is normal and lovely. But he is sulking.

And so when I've asked him what the matter is, why is he behaving like this, he answers "what do you mean, I've just brought you breakfast in bed!" I've said more and explained he's not talking to me etc, I even said is this because my friend's coming? And he acts so offended. I feel like he's gas lighting me. I can't understand it. Well I can. I think he's pissed off I'm doing something for myself.

How can I change this?

Just ignore him and crack on with your weekend! If you start fussing and pandering to him he will do this everytime you do something. Be bright and breezy and enjoy yourself - he is a big boy now, he will get over it.

He's made me feel so shit though. I want to be all those things and I don't really care if he is annoyed. But I hate he puts me through this, I don't understand why he has such power over the way I feel.

You'd think saying nasty things would be more hurtful but it isn't. His silence is so powerful and I hate that.

If he's insisting nothing is wrong then you act like nothing is wrong and carry on as norm. He'll either get over it or tell you the truth.

All you can do is plough through it. Keep yourself happy with thoughts of your enjoyable weekend. Bask in the extra lovely feelings you get towards your kids when you know you are getting some time away from them.

He can stew in his own juice.
He is being very passive aggressive, and wants to get you anxious. You will go round in circles if you let it get to you.
Ime you can only talk through this once they have got over themselves. In a normal mood he will probably have to admit that silently bringing someone breakfast is not normal, and you can unpack it a bit,. Until then ignore and enjoy.

That’s very malicious; he knows that his silence will upset you but he’s also able to deny doing anything as his lack of speaking that’s the problem rather than something he’s actually doing.
It sounds like he’s purposefully trying to spoil your weekend. I would ignore it and act normally so he doesn’t get what he wants from it, enjoy your weekend and address it when your friend is gone.

My ex was like this. Like he was punishing me but never would say outright. Note the ex. Have a nice time with your friend. Try not to let him get to you.

Oh this is so similar to the way DP acts when he's annoyed at something but he knows he shouldn't be annoyed at it.

It's absolutely draining and miserable, not to mention frustrating with the pretending everything is okay and acting like your mad for asking what's up.

I struggle to do it myself but I agree with the other posters, if he says there's no problem act like there isn't and just have a nice time with your friend

🙄 *you're

The worst thing you could do is pander to him. Enjoy your day. He is an adult so let him adult for the day!

Have a word with yourself!

Man is telling you nothing is wrong, so take his word for it. You can only go on the information you have.

You say that’s hard to do but you have to get over it. Your friend won’t be happy if she’s coming over and you are fretting about your man child having to let you out for the day.

Only you can let him ruin your day

He's told you nothing is wrong and brought you breakfast in bed, so get on and enjoy your day.

If this is his usual style, to be quiet while you drag out what's bothering him, then he does that because it works so effectively; stop responding and he'll stop doing it.

On the other hand, we are all capable of waking up grumpy and wanting a bit of headspace, and someone repeatedly asking what's wrong is irritating. Maybe he has woken up a bit grumpy because he's not looking forward to the day, or doesn't like your friend, or is ruminating on something happening elsewhere in his life, or wishes you were doing something together today.

Either way, ignore.

Ignore him and enjoy your day. If he wants to behave like a child let him crack on with it. Don’t let him have this power over YOUR emotions

I'd say, both of you get used to you doing your thing from time to time.

BUT if he continues, it needs looking at. Some men do use passive aggressive ways of getting their message across and if he is doing that, it needs to be discussed. Like, why doesn't he like it? So he gets to do his thing but you do not?

Thanks for your replies. I think I'm being misunderstood by some. I'm not pandering to him or worried about him in the slightest. I feel sorry for leaving my daughter with a miserable man all day.

I am going to get in the shower and try my hardest not to feel bad for her.

Thanks again

Hopefully he'll pull it out of the bag and cheer up to give your dd a nice day.