Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he didn't come home last night

28 replies

justtheoddquestion · 05/05/2018 06:32

can't believe I'm writing this, I'm not usually neurotic or insecure but... husband went out last night with 2 friends I know well (but not sure I trust them) and he's not home yet. He's really bad at charging his phone (and it's old and crap and has a rubbish battery). Tried to call but it's 'dead.' I have no problem with him having a night out every now and again but I am 6 months pregnant and have ZERO social life! I have never felt fatter, more trapped or vulnerable than I do right now and he's out having a jolly old time and not even coming home, or texting me to let me know...! And I suppose a tiny bit of me is thinking 'was he even with them?' or was he playing away?? I'm really P'd off. Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
Barbaro · 05/05/2018 06:34

No you aren't. Haven't got any advice but hope he turns up soon. Is there anywhere he may have gone to sleep like parents?

Bodear · 05/05/2018 06:37

No of course ynbu. He should have let you know what he was doing and when he was coming home. Is this a one off or something he has done before?

RLOU88 · 05/05/2018 06:44

OP you are not being stupid, I’m 8 months pregnant and struggle with my partner even coming home at midnight lately (obvs unreasonably). 6:30am with no word in my opinion is incredibly insensitive pregnant or not.Flowers
What do you mean by not trusting his friends ? Do you know where they spent the evening?

tillytown · 05/05/2018 06:52

Do you have a contact number for either of the friends?

Original poster
justtheoddquestion · 05/05/2018 06:53

@RLOU - one of his friends is on his 3rd marriage, so obviously doesn't take fidelity seriously and the I don't think the other has ever had much respect for our relationship... They're not the most trustworthy guys...

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 05/05/2018 06:55

I wouldn’t assume affair but I’d be bloody worried about the sod! Can you text either of the friends he’s with just to tell you he’s alive?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 05/05/2018 06:56

That's a bit scary, I'd be more worried he'd been hurt than he's cheated but presumably the fact he's with these other 2 guys is why you're leaning more to that?

Can you put a message on Facebook to see if any of his other mates know where he is?

Original poster
justtheoddquestion · 05/05/2018 07:00

you're right Kingdom and Holly. I should be worried whether or not he's okay... Just rang one of his friends and yes, he's passed out in the other room (had too much to drink). Maybe the prospect of new baby (our first) and money worries etc, he just had to let off some steam. He should still charge his bloody phone though! Thanks everyone xx

OP posts:
speakout · 05/05/2018 07:10

Totally unacceptable behaviour in my camp.

Changedname3456 · 05/05/2018 07:17

It’s pretty shit behaviour and must have been worrying for the OP, but “completely unacceptable” really?

I’d be concerned if it was (or became) a regular thing but a one-off, out of character, bender isn’t something to come crashing down on a partner for.

I’d tell him you were worried you hadn’t heard from him and wouldn’t like to think he might be hurt somewhere (or passed out on a bench and vulnerable) again. He’ll get the message without needing the riot act.

RoderickRules · 05/05/2018 07:17

Disrespectful.

I’ve been there, same situation, but bf fell asleep on the train home.

I would like to say things improved, but they didn’t and he is still selfish and self centred.
We parted when our DC was 18 months old.

I would be making it clear to him exactly where the boundary is. As PP said, totally unacceptable.

PoorYorick · 05/05/2018 07:25

Maybe the prospect of new baby (our first) and money worries etc, he just had to let off some steam

Do NOT make excuses for him treating you like shit!

speakout · 05/05/2018 07:30

It’s pretty shit behaviour and must have been worrying for the OP, but “completely unacceptable” really?

Yes. Completely unacceptable.

I have a 20 yo and an 18 year old.
They have never behaved like this.
Yes they have gone out, and stayed out - but always send a quick text to let me know if there will be a change of plans.

Why didn't the OPs OH borrow a phone to send a message- or come home in a taxi, knowing she would be concerned.

I have no time in my life for men who act like badly behaved adolescents.

Thebluedog · 05/05/2018 07:52

I’d be concerned that he was ok in the first instance and now furious I’ve found out he’s passed out.

Furious because he hasn’t let you know he’s not coming home and didn’t give you an indication that this was in the pipeline.

It’s just common curtesy that’s he lets you know.

How would he feel if you did the same?

speakout · 05/05/2018 07:55

OP- he may wish to sort out his phone.
Especially with birth coming soon.

FrangipaniBlue · 05/05/2018 08:05

There's no excuse, baby or not pregnant or not.

I've been with my DH for 20yrs since we were 16 & 18, neither of us has ever not come home, regardless of how drunk we were.

It's disrespectful and IMO sends the message that you don't give a shit about your partners feelings!

Ledkr · 05/05/2018 08:07

Every weekend there are threads like this and it's rarely a woman who hasn't come home.

At the end of the day as a pp stated, teenagers manage to Get themselves home after a night out as do many people after a good night out and lots to drink so I'm sure a grown arse man can manage.

He will have his excuse prepared though and manage to convince you that all is well which indeed it isn't.

speakout · 05/05/2018 08:07

FrangipaniBlue

Same here.

OH and I been together 22 years and not once done this to each other.

It's very disrespectful.

LiteraryDevil · 05/05/2018 08:33

Unacceptable and disrespectful. My stbexh was like this and got worse over time to the point of arranging with his mates to kidnap him from a party we were all at. We had 2 young children and I was frantic when he didn't come home. He just disappeared and everyone claimed they didn't know where he was. It took over 12 hours to locate him via his dad. Stbexh claimed it was just a laugh and very rock n roll. He arrived home and went straight to bed and I told him I wanted a divorce.

I hope for you this is just a one off.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 05/05/2018 08:36

Just wait and see what happens before jumping to conclusions. Last year I went out with my two female friends and we went back to one of their houses for food after the pub. I rang a taxi and they said they'd be at least an hour. My phone went dead in the meantime (very unusual for me) and I ended up falling asleep on her couch. My H was furious and I was mortified as I'd never done that before. There could be an innocent explanation

Ledkr · 05/05/2018 09:50

Of course their will be an explanation, there always is. Whether that's innocent or not is another thing.

nk1 could you not use your mates phone or charger?

Bearhunter3126 · 05/05/2018 10:56

My ex dp did this when I was 6 months pregnant too. Then turned up steaming drunk, threatened to smash the door down if I didn't let him in and when I did he smashed the bedroom up around me whilst I was screaming!
He'd been lovely up to this point in our relationship, however that was the turning point and this behaviour continued for another three years progressively getting worse till I finally got out.
Never did find out where he was that night 🤔

Hope you are ok OP. If anything like me I was up all night worried something had happened as he'd never behaved like that before. Even called the hospitals. Try and get some sleep and not get to stressed out.
He will turn up eventually. Selfish gits don't realise the stress they are putting you under

Cricrichan · 05/05/2018 11:25

I have fallen asleep on a friend's sofa after drinking too much and not woken until the early hours of the morning.

Newerversion · 05/05/2018 11:35

Did his friend wake him up and pass him the phone?

Chippyway · 05/05/2018 14:43

OP it doesn’t matter how shitty or lovely the friends are, your partner would only cheat if he willingly wanted to and chose to. The friends wouldn’t be to blame. If they ‘convinced’ your partner to cheat then quite clearly that says more about your partner than them