What do you do on an evening?! Going insane!!

[WS12]

So I'm just wondering if anyone else's relationship/life is like this...

Some background info - DH and I have been married 9 years this year. We have two DC aged 5 and 3. I am a SAHM but used to work before we emigrated to Aus (been tough setting but getting there). My DH works full time as a manager, my DS goes to kinder and DD is still at home with me, we're making friends, joined a local church. We have a pretty 'nice' life IYKWIM. The problem is I feel our relationship is becoming a bit stagnant and boring.

My DH has the average 2 days off a week, is home on evenings mostly from 4pm onwards, sometimes later near 5.30pm. He starts work at 5.30 so he is shattered on the evening. We just don't seem to do much at all... and our sex life has nearly disappeared...

I wondered is anyone else's evenings like this?

*have tea
*bath kids
*put kids to bed
*collapse on safe
*spend all evening on internet/phone

This is what we've done nearly every evening since I can remember- talking something in the region of the last 5 years. I pointed this out to my DH and said he's either looking at his phone or falling asleep on the sofa to which he agreed. I feel so under stimulated with not working and then not really doing anything on the evenings. Sometimes we get into a box set and that keeps me entertained.... I just feel bored.

But we simply spend all evening every evening just on phones. Is anyone else honestly like this?! I don't think I can cope much longer if we don't start having some fun - not just sex but something which doesn't involve phones all evening. I have said we should have a phone free evening at least once a week. Hasn't happened yet. And even if it did I'd worry he'd go to bed early!!

Does anyone else do this? What do you do on an evening with your DH?

Fair amount of collapsing on sofa when DC were that age.
Play board games.
I would go out (exercise class or pop over to friends for an 'uninterrupted by kids' chat).

Do facepacks , massage each other , play cards , ( sounds sad but board games too 😂) talk about each other's days , make holiday plans , play with the pets , all a bit basic but it works and is all pretty chilled . When DP comes home we never look at our phones until we need to set alarm for the next day xx

Well, when my dc were that age, I would be working in the evenings (at home). Sounds like you are bored. You need to get out - stimulate your mind a bit. Either apply for a job, or get volunteering.
I'm not surprised your dh is knackered if he starts work at 5.30am. I think most folk would be.

I have to do school work - plan lessons and such the like. If he is up early and flat out all day then I think he will be tired. You need to find something to stimulate your mind and not wait on him to entertain you. I think it sounds pretty normal.

Sounds entirely normal to me! I think I would sob if I had to start doing ‘fun’ things in the evening.

On a normal weekday evening when the kids were that age (and still pretty much the same now they are older):-
Get kids to sleep
Waste 20 mins on phone
Cook tea
Eat tea
Sort dishwasher and laundry
General tidy up (which is woefully inadequate)
Feel annoyed at how little I have achieved
Waste some time on phone in between each task
Either talk to DH or if we are doing separate jobs watch something on my phone while doing all of this
Realise it is nearly 10pm
Collapse.

I wish I could figure out how to have an evening but there is so much to do once the kids are in bed. I very rarely sit on the sofa but would love to.

My DH gets up at 4 for work, so he's not fit for much by the time he gets home. Maybe the answer is to have something to look forward to, ie the weekend? At this time of the year there's plenty on (there is here, so presumably there is in Oz as well?) There are May Day fayres, boot sales, car shows, National Trust properties, the zoo, the beach? It doesn't help with evenings, but I think most people with kids and jobs find themselves in the same boat.

You could set regular date nights. Or, maybe one evening a week, DH can go nap for a couple of hours when he gets home so he feels more lively. You could then have a nice dinner when the children are in bed. It would be a bit more romantic maybe. Get yourself a hobby/class for one evening a week so that you have something for you, outside of the home. If your in Australia then i’m guessing you have light evenings? So sit out in the garden with a glass of wine and talk.

Thank you everyone, your ideas sound great. I don't want to put too much pressure on DH to 'entertain me' as a pp said as yes he is tired out, I sound so pathetic, I do need something for me... really we both just want to collapse once kids are settled. But I do think we spend waaaaaaay too much time on our phone when there's a whole world out there.

I think I'll suggest that one evening a week we do something like face masks, watch a movie with junk food or have a nice dinner just so we have some time together and not distracted by FB and the internet, there's more to life than that. There's nothing worse than when I've said something funny or important to DH and he's going "yes" "yea" and I know he's not listening because he's reading something online. And then he completely misses what I say (it's so bad for relationships) and vice versa as I do this to him too I bet.

I think we need to plan more activities too. We live in the country so it's lacking in things to do really... the nearest bowling alley is 2 hours away... We need more to look forward to on a weekend.

I would really like to do some part time study... I have talked to DH that I feel like I can't do anything because I'm not working. I don't feel "entitled" to it

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like I'm being punished for being a SAHM and just having my DHs money. I feel like I can't upgrade my phone, or study a PT course, or make any plans of my own... it's weird. Sometimes I think about getting my own FT job and using my own money to do things and go places... it's such a strange feeling, but feel very strangulated with life right now like I'm so restless.

U sound like I did till I got a part time job. Only 10 hours a week to start with. It wasn't about the money. It was about having something to discuss at end of the day . Exchanging stories etc and widening the circle of people u communicate with. Xoxo

Sounds like your husband needs to have a nap in the evening so he’ll have more energy for you.

Drink wine
Watch Buffy
Watch Key & Peele on YouTube

We went through a period where we had two or three bottles a week but we were starting to get addicted ha ha! We're going to get Netflix.

At least one night a week, get him to have a nap after work, you see to the kids etc. Then get out the cookbook and try a new recipe together, whilst drinking a bottle of your fav wine. Play a few card or board games. Go on YouTube and look up your fav old songs. We used to take turns, starting with bands beginning with the letter A and so on. It's amazing what old memories kick in and it stimulates conversation.
What's stopping you studying? It doesn't have to be anything too heavy or costly.
It seems like the key things here are that he is knackered after a very early start and you're bored being at home with no other interests.
Neither of you is to blame for the rut you are in, it's understandable. But it's important that you recognise you are in a rut and do something about it.
Good luck. x