What would you think of this? (Sex related)

[LeChatDeNuit]

This was prompted by a thread I read earlier, which brought something back for me.

I was in bed with my boyfriend of a few months, kissing, touching etc. Without warning, he penetrated me anally. We had never had or talked about anal sex. It obviously hurt a LOT, and I immediately and involuntarily started to cry. He pulled out, but not immediately (took him a few seconds), and hugged me. I was sobbing by this point because the pain was so bad and I think I was in shock, but I was so embarrassed that I was crying and I ended up apologising for my tears.

We never talked about it and he never did it again but it was often at the back of my mind whenever we were touching and about to have sex.

Is this a usual thing for a man to do? What would you have done in this situation?

I hacer never been penetrated anally so it's not something men just do! Hope you're no longer with him

Have*

Anal sex with my DW took a lot of talk (years) beforehand. It is never something that should just happen.

That sounds more like an attempted rape. I'm so sorry. I recommend you contact Woman's Aid as a matter of urgency. Hugs.

Honestly? My boyfriend (at the time, split up over this!) did this to me when I was 18 - after I’d repeatedly said no - I punched him in the face and told him he’d raped me. My Dad was in the house at the time (it was about 2am and he was just coming home from work) and he went ape shit. It’s beyond crossing a line. it is not okay

Even if it’s something you have discussed previously or done previously it’s not okay to just start without even mentioning.
Even if it’s something you enjoy it would be sore if it’s unexpected

Creep, who does that, i mean no warning, just wam bam, he sees you as a sex doll, I'd have gone mad, you should too OP.

I'm so sorry, OP, that you were sexually assaulted in this way. Appalling.

How do you think he’d react if you suddenly rammed your fist up his backside? Would you expect him to apologise if he got upset that you’d done it?

Don’t hold yourself to a lower standard than you hold him to. If you think he would have an absolute right to be upset about the above situation, then why would you think you don’t have that same right? What he did was disgusting, as well as being assault.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Oh god that’s awful!
Are you still with him?

This is not normal.
Do not accept this kind of behaviour.
Nevertheless, I must say it happened to me once, but the guy completely did not do on purpose. He completely got the ‘wrong end’. I was sobbing in tears of pain and he was horribly embarrassed he did that. He was a sweet after what happened.
Maybe you should have an open conversation about the topic.

I don't see how you could trust him again.

This was rape.

Rape.
Disrespectful and unhinged behaviour if I want to be nice.
Anal sex done that way is dangerous, you can tear badly.
How would he like a dildo shoved up his arse with no preparation?

Thank you for your replies.

No, I’m not still with him. I broke up with him a few months ago. This happened over five years ago.

He never did anything sexually abusive again but there was lots of emotional abuse, control, manipulation and he could be very aggressive. I’ve posted about him before.

A post I read this morning brought it to the forefront of my mind. He was really loving and gentle with me immediately afterwards and I was so shocked I just dismissed it.

I’m trying to come to terms with the abusive nature of the relationship (being mostly blind to it for five years) and this is one aspect of it I hadn’t addressed. I need to be clear in my mind about what is okay and what is not okay so I don’t repeat these patterns. I suppose I’m just wondering how I should have responded.

What is going through somebody’s head when they do something like that?

Horrible. Loads of prep and talking before would be really important.
As to why... depends on his age and experience. Porn has a lot to answer for..it’s a big pressure on younger girls now because boys have been brought up on it by watching porn, where all the women are shown as loving it rather than finding it uncomfortable and very painful.
There is an automatic assumption that girls will do what they have seen on their mobiles. Oral, anal, whatever...

I have only just reported a rape that happened to me over a quarter of a century ago.

Womens Aid are fantastic and may be a good place to start. Rape Crisis is also brilliant.

I am really struggling with my husband's sexual behaviour. He used me as he might use a sex toy. There have been times when I have thought, I think he just raped me. I can't remember the exact incidents. There have been so many times when he woke me up by prodding his penis at my vagina. Into the hallway but not through the house. Either that or his fingers poking around. He said again and again and again that it was his way of showing affection. He also told me the last and final time he did it when I told him I didn't like being groped that I was his wife and that he would never touch me again.