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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - anyone think there is any truth in it?

21 replies

Aimsmum · 15/05/2007 20:26

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paulaplumpbottom · 15/05/2007 20:27

I think we do think diffrently but I don't know if that book could help anyone's relationship

Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 20:28

I liked it but I did feel that it was very much written from the male perspective and that the woman had to do more of the changing/running rather than the male, which I didn't agree entirely with but having said that though, the whole thing about men going into their caves is soooo true! When I just leave DH to get on with his moods, he snaps out of it a lot quicker!!

madamez · 15/05/2007 20:32

It's utter bullshit. Its main argument is 'well, men are just Like That so women have to put up with it if they want to be Loved.' (oh, and don't forget to give Hubby sex on demand, including anal, or he'll be off cottaging before you know it)
As we used to say when it came out, men are from mars, women from venus and you, mr Author-pillock, are talking out of Uranus.

Aimsmum · 15/05/2007 20:33

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Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 20:33

The cave bit is good advice though!!!

Aimsmum · 15/05/2007 20:34

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divastrop · 15/05/2007 20:36

i got halfway through it i think,many years ago,and ...well,what nikki76 said ,basically!

Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 20:39

I was totally pathetic actually...I read it after my first love dumped me...ooh the total heart ache...was so desperate to get him back that I .........bought the said book and highlighted all the areas where I had gone wrong and wrote notes in the margin and then lent him the book in hope that he would see my notes etc and realised I was a changed woman and want me back.....

I was only 20 though......

emmatomATO · 15/05/2007 20:40

Yes there is. Like Nikki says, men and their caves!!!

I've been married 23 years and it wasn't until I read that book a few years ago that I began to get the cave thingy ie. when a chap is in a moon/has something on his mind, the right thing to do is not to try to get him to talk about it to help him ( as we would to a girlfriend or we would want him to do to us), but to leave well alone. He retreats into his mental cave alone, sorts himself out, and comes out at his pace with things back to how they were.

I reckon it makes our life a lot easier as we're not running around trying to get him to talk or open up. Just let him do his thing.

Also, the book says, and I agree that when you tell a girlfriend about a problem, the two of you will usually sit around and sort out a problem by talking it through. A man doesn't get this - if you're telling him a problem that you have, it worries him. He doesn't realise you want to talk about it to sort it out, he thinks you need a solution straight away. So be aware that a somewhat harmless discussion (to you) can stress the guy out, as he's desperately trying to fix everything for you!

And finally, if you want your other half to do a job/task for you, just simply ask, straightforwardly exactly what you want him to do. Saying, " I really need you to do this to help me out because blah blah will happen if it doesn't get done" etc. will confuse him. Simply say "please do this for me".

It can all be taken tongue in cheek of course but I did find the above examples so true and after trying them they worked and the rest of the time I found myself chuckling.

A good book I reckon.

Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 20:43

Oh yes - the men like to give solutions, not talk it over.....in fact, when DH does this now, I say to him I don't want solutions and he knows right away what I mean and then makes all the appropriate sympathetic noises and gets me chocolate!

Thing I found difficult though, was although the cave thing really does work and I do use it as it makes life easier....why can't men understand that we don't like them going into their caves and make the effort to come out??? That's why I think it was a bit biased....wonder what Xenia would make of it?

emmatomATO · 15/05/2007 20:49

I love the cave - let him go in and fester while you go and do something more interesting.

When I think of the time I previously spent trying to coax the poor guy into talking about his worry......................

Nikki76 · 15/05/2007 21:23

I know!! Now I just go oh fgs and use it as an opportunity to mnet!!!

Londonmamma · 15/05/2007 21:30

It does have some insights to offer about how men are different from us. I cringed at the tone and language, but actually learned quite a lot from it.

Would it help to post about what you think is causing your current bad patch? Those of us in long term relationships have probably experienced whatever it is you're going through!

FloatingOnTheMed · 15/05/2007 22:35

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ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 15/05/2007 22:36

Sadly, yes, the concept of Marx and Venus seems to be very very true. The longer I live, the more I see it.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 15/05/2007 22:36

(Mars not Marx.. Marx has nowt to do with this bless him! )

Londonmamma · 15/05/2007 22:43

Could be a book waiting to be written, Shiny!

Spidermama · 15/05/2007 22:46

I quite liked it and learned a bit from it, but there is also a load of utter shite in there and I agree it's slanted towards the male. Plus ca change then.

Sorry to hear you're having DP bother Aimsmum. I am too off and on. Tiring isn't it?

Good luck.

Aimsmum · 16/05/2007 20:51

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Londonmamma · 17/05/2007 00:12

That's good Aimsmum. Hope you sort things out xx

Aimsmum · 17/05/2007 14:14

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