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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband left 5 weeks ago, not in love with me anymore

10 replies

Hg89 · 03/05/2018 16:00

My ex walked out on me and our son 5 weeks ago. After 5 years together and married 10 months! He seemed depressed and generally unhappy and moody all the time. He works all the time. Never has time for us. I work part time and spend the rest of the time looking after our son. He says his reason is coz he can't stand me and just wants out. says hes not in love with me anymore. and he doesn't fancy me at the minute?!

He says I sponge off him which is totally untrue I've always paid my way and helped as much as I can. He now vents anger and what seems like pure hatred to me every chance he gets. I have numerous abusive messages all of which I've ignored.

He "babysits" our son on Fridays at my house while I go to my friends for a catch up but I always end up with messages asking me to get home so he can leave etc. Basically doesn't want me to have a social life. I don't instigate arguments with him. His sister he lives with is now even trying to add me via Instagram using fake accounts to "spy" on me. He says he doesn't care about me or what I do but still manages to interfere with my life. Always causing unnecessary arguments over nothing at all. If he didn't care and wanted out why is he still venting his anger to me. Shouldn't he be getting on with his own life?

A few months ago he asked to have another baby with me, I said let's work on being happy first then he says let's move house fresh start but coz it didn't happen straight away he went mad. Then the morning he leaves me he kissed me as I dropped him at work then came home and left for good. Came back 2 days later to collect all his stuff and seemed shocked I wasn't there to watch him go with it. He complains that he is stuck paying all bills... He pays mortgage I pay utility bills, car, nursery, shopping, clothes and days out for our son. But he seems to think I don't pay any of that and I've taken everything from him that he's worked for and that I've sponged. He left here I didn't kick him out so why is he playing victim.
He doesn't ask how our son is at all when he isn't seeing him weds-fri for the 1 hour per night. last night he came round and tries acting all nice and says can I have the baby stay Sunday night. I said no you've got no where for him to stay and he goes well I can't afford a bed for him no need to be nasty??? Me nasty he's put me thru hell and I've not said boo during all of this. then today texts me first thing in the morning, does our son need anything? I wouldn't accept a penny off him as im not being accused of sponging. Now his silly new found lifestyle is getting boring he wants to fill up some spare time by having his son for 1 night?? Any advice would be great. I actually still have feelings for him and wish he would wake up from this 'midlife crisis' and prove himself and we can sort things out but maybe I'm being silly.

OP posts:
itsadventuretime · 03/05/2018 16:34

I’ve been told the same thing 2 months ago (a bit less nasty), but he hasn’t left yet. It’s incredibly painful. Remind yourself that even before he dropped this on you out of the blue (as did mine) he was not making you happy. Concentrate on that you shouldn’t want him to start with, not on that he doesn’t want you. I know what you’re going through. Big hug!

Adora10 · 03/05/2018 16:43

You certainly are not sponging and you should be ensuring he pays towards his child's costs, he sounds a crap dad and a crap partner and I think you'd be better off on your own. If he can walk out on you in 10 month and leave you holding the baby, I'd not put my trust in him for the future of my stability.

BarbarianMum · 03/05/2018 16:44
PullTheBricksDown · 03/05/2018 16:58

Sorry but I would bet on there being an OW around. He has to justify to himself why he's cheating on his family hence he has to make you the bad guy. Not that that helps in practical terms but it is worth distancing yourself from him. Don't feel you have to be nice. You're the one prioritising your son, he isn't.

Cawfee · 03/05/2018 17:05

Why are you entertaining any romantic/love ideas about this man at all? Re-read your original post. He is absolutely horrid to you. I wouldn’t treat a vicious dog the way he treats you! He’s acting this way because you passively sit by and let him do it. Start standing up for yourself. Go see a solicitor and tell him what’s what

yetmorecrap · 03/05/2018 18:28

Other option OP, rent somewhere away whilst still working where you are. If it’s questioned just say you need a place closer to family and are staying with a friend in week or more work from home etc,

SandyY2K · 03/05/2018 19:15

So will he be filing for divorce in 2 months time? Because you have to be married a year before you file.

You deserve better. You don't need to be wanting him back as he's so damn selfish.

When you go to your friends...you tell him what time you'll be back. He's trying to control your life.

Ignore his sister. When he comes round ...be upbeat as you leave DS with him and waltz out.

LellyMcKelly · 04/05/2018 06:57

I’d put money in an OW too. He’s treating you really badly. I’d see a solicitor and start thinking about serving him divorce papers. You need to take back the control he currently has over you.

Hg89 · 04/05/2018 13:03

Thanks for all your comments. Im just lost really. I feel so down right now. I get a strange impression that he doesnt want this permanent but does. Like he wont buy a bed for our son so he can stay with him. That would be a priorty wouldn't it? Then he asks if our son needs anything after stating he can't afford anything? Yesterday he was at mine and when I walked in he looked so tired worn and more stressed than ever. He says he's happier but that doesn't show. And he left saying see you later. With his head down. I feel hes depressed he's told me he wants to commit suicide frequently and is down and moody all the time snapping for all the wrong reasons. Doesn't engage with me and our son. He went the Drs and apparently told them everything but they deemed him not depressed?? I wish he could just wake up from this negative dark place he's in. We had it all. We were the couple everyone wanted to be. I just don't understand any of it

OP posts:
Hg89 · 04/05/2018 13:04

And yes he's said he's going to be divorcing me. And will I sign the papers as soon as they come thru.

OP posts:
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