How to handle having parents who don't care and will not help and blame you always

[yummytummy]

Hi not sure how to word this and keep it brief

Basically have always had issues with parents they are quite old fashioned set in ways and think their thoughts and ways of doing things are right and are the only way

We have never been close. Things deteriorated when I was in a violent abusive relationship and went to them with injuries and they basically said go back and don't anger or provoke your husband so no help there

They can't cope with the fact I escaped that situation and am divorced they think I'm a total failure

Since then I have been through a terrible time with court case and trying to find work etc. I have asked them for financial suppory to help for a few months if possible. They have money go on cruises travelling etc apart from money I have said many times now it's just me and kids I would like it if they stayed e.g. over Christmas and school hols and didn't travel then but no they only want what they want

There's much more but could write a book but latest is I've just had a email from father as I met them to try to say look I need support physically and financially etc but because I'm not doing exactly how father wants etc he is not happy. Everything is my fault I'm useless I shouldn't be asking for handouts I'm the problem I can't form relationships etc etc really nasty stuff when I already feel crap

I guess I just need help how to not let thus affect me to the point I can't function I have do much financial pressure single parent no help and they make things harder and just cause pain. I'm already lowest contact possible I don't want them anywhere near me or kids

How can I not feel destroyed by the fact they cannot see anything from my side and won't see how they hurt me and always blame me

It's consuming me am stressing about it and can't afford to as so much else to deal with am at my limit please help I know it's long and rambly

Good parents would care for you even if you were a terrible person (they might be pretty broken and devestated by whatever it was you'd done but they'd care).

Look at your children. What would they have to do so that you'd treat them this way? What have you done that's as bad as that?

It's them OP. It's always been them. And they trained you so well you ended up with an abuser for a partner.

Should you get the opportunity, now or in the future, for some counselling, you might find it helpful. In our area the local domestic violence project organises it, I don't know what's available in your area.

Some great posts on here.
In answer to your question the only way to handle someone who invalidates your experience like this is no contact.
It is no coincidence that you ended up in an abusive relationship but YOU are a survivor and YOU are breaking the cycle of abuse.
Be proud xx

You don't deserve to be treated like this and its not your fault.

Your feelings are very common amongst children who grew up with toxic parents.
There are lots of books on the subject that you can get from the library and also youtube vids.

I suspect you have finally "seen" them for who they really are and it will hurt.However please know that you can recover and no situation (either good or bad) lasts forever.

You will come through this.
On a practical note are you claiming all the help you are entitled to?

What is the children's father doing to support you financially?

Thankyou it's reassuring to hear all the advice but sad that it seems common and others have also suffered like this. I am claiming what I can and ex does pay maintenance but as I am not working there is still a gap I am trying so hard to find work but I think as the whole divorce and the parents etc has taken so much out of me it's hard to present myself as confident and strong in interviews. I have survived so much but this is the closest I have ever felt to giving up