Extra curricular activities!

[Mummyofthree1970]

So, i've been married for nearly 20yrs, very happily, 3 children. We always did everything together. 3 yrs ago HB joined a sports club, he goes 2x a week for 3hrs at a time, the first hour with our son who I then pick up and bring home. All was good, I thought it was good for him. Then, last summer he had an 'emotional affair' with a lady from the sports club. Just flirty facebook messages, nothing physical, but lots of them. I found them, he lied about them, deleted them and told me he wouldn't stop texting her as she was just a friend. He was (and he admits this now) completely infatuated. I lost 16lbs, cried rivers, but eventually he did stop texting and we got through it. Christmas was the turning point, so it had been 5 mths of hell. To help me, I joined a sports club of my own which I do love. However, we are now in the position where I am out Monday/Wednesday until 930, he is out Tues/Thurs until 930. We eat at 10pm. I am still not 100% happy when he goes to his sports club as the 'other woman' is there. He hates it when I go to mine as he has always had a problem with jealousy and thinks I am going to seek revenge and go off with someone, which I would never do. On top of that, we do actually really miss each other in the evenings. So we are constantly tired and miserable and never see each other. Our lives seem to consist of the mundane and boring logistics of working, eating and feeding our children, whilst the fun stuff is reserved for other people. However, what can we do? We love our clubs, they keep us really fit and healthy and surely its good to do some things apart? Do we just need to get over our insecurities and jealousies and enjoy the clubs and then our weekends together? or is 4 nights a week apart too much for anyone? How much is too much? One suggestion is that we quit both clubs and start something together. But at the moment, at least one of us is with our children every evening, which is obviously really important. Plus there aren't any other clubs near us that we could actually join. Feel that there is no answer and really need some help!

You need to share a hobby together though, plus he's got form for cheating at his activities, that would not bode well with me for his future and no way he'd be carrying on at that club when he had an EA with the woman there, no freakin way!

Unless you both put in the effort then it will probably get worse; he should be doing his upmost to win your trust back OP, doesn't sound like he cares much for all the destruction and hurt he caused you.

I'd have to be saying unless he steps up and together you make a plan for having time together doing fun stuff and actually talking then it won't change and I'd not want to be worrying about him going off again with some other random woman, it's not on, he's cheated on you, and for me worse, because it was all emotional.

My H had a severe infatuation 13 years ago with a very young woman we both knew and who did bits of work for us. I knew there was far too much texting going on but that was all I knew really at the time and I said something and then stopped checking. 18 months ago I found by accident a load of songs all about her he had written and recorded, totally devastating to be honest. He said it was just a crush and he went too far at a point he was down. Thing is though the stupid git actually carried on with the texting when I checked back and commenting all the time on her Facebook, nothing dodgy, but just the fact he did it when he clearly had a 'thing' irritated me beyond belief. All I can say OP is it's hard to get past this kind of infatuation once you know they are 'vulnerable' to this kind of thing. I have stayed, but don't feel quite the same to be honest and I think he is aware of that. What I would day it's an absolute no no him going to that club, put your foot down, he blew trust and you feel vulnerable about it, so he should be going out his way to not give you any anxieties of this kind.

If it was me, he would have to stop going to the club where OW is (thats just disrespectful on his part to continue!)
Then join one together. That's it! You cannot!! build trust while he is still seeing OW!
He's jealous becuase he is guilty.