Now I really hate him - Am thinking of just giving up!!

[Twinkie]

Well all you SAHMs beware - X2b has decided that as I stayed at home for a whole year of our childs life and only contributed to the household by way of paying for everything other than gas, electric and mortgage I should not be entitled to anything other than a very small percentage of equity of house - and not even house that we bought at the end of our relationship - the one he would not let me move into but the one before that!!

Thats 7 years of a relationship - everything that we accumualted during that time everything of DDs all our wedding pressies and furniture and just everything from that whole time!!

I am fuming - the way he has written out 7 years of my life - I had 9 months off when I had DD and earnt the rest of the time and even got into debt because he was so tight - GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR - can't decide whether he wants to just make me ghive up or he is just dissillusioned - surely his solicitor is not that useless that she would tell him that things should be split at least 50/50 if not more in my favour because I have DD??

I have already told him I only want 50% of the equity and nothing else I am willing not to touch pensions or ISAs or endowments but he just won't see sense and don't have the energy, money or time to fight!!

I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO CROSS.

To top it off too - he has only discolsed 1 bank statement (rather than 6) and no pay slips (I had to give 3) and all of the other info is years out of date??

Please give me some courage to fight this arse and some great advice from all you divorced people!!

Thanks Sooooo Much Twinkie XXX

If I could give you only one piece of advice to help you get through all the contact you will have to have with this a**ehole over the years of your daughter's childhood, it would be this...

Stop caring what he says, thinks, does, from a personal perspective. Just rise above it. He only does it to wind you up. Play it cool, don't react. He is a low-life scum, why should his opinion matter to you. If he doesn't co-operate with your reasonable suggestions, leave it to your solicitor, go home and forget him. Cut him out of your life as much as you possibly can. He is just an irritation that you have to deal with from time to time.

I know it's hard. I perfected an act with my ex, when he still had contact. I used to pretend we were now mates, feign interest in things he was telling me, get his confidence so that he would tell me things he otherwise wouldn't. I'd wave goodbye smiling, then stick two fingers up at his back. It kept me sane, and it made everyday phone calls etc much easier to handle.

At the moment he is doing all this just to wind you up. Look at it that he is a fool, by doing this he will end up paying you more. If he can't see it, then more fool him. Just laugh all the way to the bank.

Twinkie, I think you really should stop ringing him and talking to him. YOu know it is pointless and only makes you unhappy. Let your solicitor deal with it because it won't bother or upset them. I think the letter idea with a deadline is a great idea. And remember, yes, it is costing you money and you have debts but they WILL be cleared in the end because you WILL get this money from him. They are just a blip. And remember, you have so many great things happening in your life. Focus on those and let your solicitor take the flak from you arse of an ex.

I kmow and I know that him being an arse is working when it comes to getting at me but the plain truth is that I just can't afford either emotionally or financially to fight this allwthe way - that being one of the reasons I want to put a stop to it all and walk away with less than I will get if I fight - and the arse still won't let me do that - I know I will get heaps more if we go to court and he will very likely have to end up paying my costs but it is going to take forever and with him ignoring most of the letters that my solicitor sends and not bothering to give us all the info we need - I'm just so sick of it all and DP gets cross telling me not to worry but I do - I have debts that I have to pay that have been run up whilst being married to x2b and all the fighting we have done over the last 2 years - solicitors bills etc and I just don't know how I am going to keep afloat whilst being on Maternity leave (have come to the comclusion that I don't have a choice but to come back to work which IO really didn't want to do, its hard enough with one but with 2!!)

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - I just so want to make him see that it is the best course of action to just agree - I'm not even asking for 50/50 as I am not even looking at pensions, endowments etc but someone is obviously telling him he is in the right or he hates me that much that he is willing to write off another 50k in fighting and the higher figure he will have to pay me.

Solicitor is sending him a letter with 'Without Prejudice, Subject to Costs' on it so hopefully he will at least see I am serious!!

Anyway not much I can do about it - god woman pull yourself together!!

Aww Twinkie, you poor thing. Anorak is absolutely right, he knows this will stress you out which is why he's doing it. Get your solicitor to take a hard line, and don't think about it when you don't have to.

If it gets to you, then do something relaxing like having a bath, or lolling on the sofa with some chocolate, and picture his face getting all twisted with annoyance that you're calm and in control.

50% of the value of the house is a LOT more than it was 2 years ago, so he is already losing out. Please do try to let your solicitor do the work and think of ways to make the emotional strain less of a burden. I do know how draining and dreadful it is to deal with a totally unreasonable, lying person via solicitors and how much it costs, so I totally sympathise, but you WILL win and when you do, you will be fine financially and you will have proved you can be strong in the face all of his nastiness and provocation.