I've been thinking of leaving of years, but never quite do it. I have 2 teenage boys and live on a smallholding and am the main carer for both kids and animals.
My husband is domineering and I'm a wuss. He's a decent person to be friends with, but not to be married to. Twice before I said I want to separate, but he begs, I feel guilty and stay. However, for the children's academic stability after GCSEs this summer is the best time to go. Otherwise I'll have to wait another 3 years. The relationship is never going to work and the sooner we can move on the better. I feel totally down trodden and exhausted all the time and am terrified of making the leap. What if it's out of the frying pan and into the fire?
On a practical note, I think I should have a rented property to move straight in to when I ask for the separation so he can't talk me out of it, but I've read somewhere that the person who leaves is the one who looses out financially, is that true?
When I leave I will be eligible for Universal Credit which takes 5 weeks to come through. Is it possible to apply for UC before leaving or would I have to be in the rented house first? I am self employed with very little money and have no idea where to get the money from to pay for the deposit etc for a rented house.
I suppose the other option is to not have a house to move into, to ask my husband for a separation and try and get him to go to mediation, which may be tricky. Is mediation better and cheaper than a solicitor?
My OH works full time and so I care for the animals. If I leave do I offer to continue the care or do try and re-home them all? How do we tell the children and do we give them a choice of where to live? What if they feel like they are being disloyal to the parent they don't choose as their main carer? I have a horrible feeling they would choose to stay in the family home with my husband. I don't want to force them to live with me, but I don't want them to feel like I am abandoning them by leaving. Eventually the house would have to be sold anyway.
Any advice on the best way to move forward would be very welcome. I'm worried that if I don't have a good plan/strategy I'll end up wimping out and staying to keep the peace like I have done for the last 10 years. I've never written on here before or shared these thoughts with anyone and feel very shaky!