Why do people lie?

[1981m]

Started to get semi friendly with mum from ds school who I see regularly at a sports centre we both go to. Have had coffee with her after a class we both go to before and chats before the class too. She's good friends with another school mum I ve also got to know a bit.

So not hung out together for a bit so asked her if she fancied a drink after the class. She said she's got to rush off afterwards. Fair enough, I know she goes to a group after with her dc.

But went and sat in cafe on my phone for bit afterwards and who walks into cafe and past me! This women with her friend, the one I am semi friendly with too, then another of there friends join them. They didn't see me. I thought about going up and chatting to the other school mum I know with her. But didn't.

So now I feel shit. Why lie? Just say you're meeting friends. Fair enough, they're good friends wouldn't expect invite.

I ve always struggled with friendships and things like this used to happen to me a lot. I ve really tried to put that behind me and be confident and sociable now ds has started school and I ve joined fitness centre. It's made me really paranoid I ve done or said something and now she doesn't like me. She was happy to go for a coffee before!

The other friend who I am friendlier with also hadn't invited me to stuff for a while and I am left thinking now they've got to know me they both don't want to be friends really other than a quick chat.

Without sounding mean, Are you maybe a bit full on with them? It's just you mentioned you've struggled in the past with friendships.

Maybe she was trying to save you from them? She did say she had it be somewhere, maybe the had something private to discuss?
Just keep is casual and see if she offers up more.

She did state that she had to rush off afterwards i wouldnt say it was lieing at all she just didnt tell you what she was doing, maybe she didnt want to tell you that she was meeting other friends as some people get offended by this just dont take it personal.

My advice dont worry too much just move on , life is too short to be worried about who is whos friend and just do your own thing if you start worrying about other people what they think of you you will just get your self into a state of depression.

If you have trouble making friends join a local club where you all have the same interests. Lol i dont go out socialising with friends anymore havent for years , I home school my youngest son so i dont get stuck into the mums school yard back stabbing banter lol where they talk behind each others back and is nice to your face ha ha. When my kids used to go to school id be standing on the school yard just people watching and its funny how nice people are to others face then to see them going and slagging off other mums its terrible.

If you dont want to join any clubs take up a hobby that you will enjoy i did i started making my own wooden charm jewellery and knitwear and have met many freinds doing craft shows where we all have the same interests as each other share our ideas and help each other .

Hey you can message me anytime you want a chat :D

I don't think I am too full on. I see her around a lot and I always make sure I say hello but sometimes it s a wave and a smile, sometimes a short chat and sometimes a longer one. If she's in the cafe before a class I ll join her and say hi. She initiated the first coffee we had. This is the first time I ve asked her and I met her in sept. Don't think it's too full on.

She did lie as I didn't want to out myself on her with too much info but she did say she was going somewhere specific which I know she goes too often.

I don't think she wanted to save me from her friends as I am quite friendly with one of them, more than I am with her, but don't know the other one. Yes, she obviously didn't want me to join which is fine but she should have said she's meeting a friend. I would have been like oh ok, never mind.

I wonder if it was Pre arranged or not as the other friend is also at this class usually and I asked her if she was coming. She said she didn't know and hadn't seen her so I don't think it was.

I joined the fitness centre as an interest perhaps to make friends as lots of people I know go there and lots of the school mums go there. Not only for that though, it's my new hobbie.

I know where I stand with her now so won't be initiating any more coffees or anything. But will be pleasant when I see her.

She didn’t lie though, she said she had to rush off from being with you, which she did

Forget about it, this isn’t offensive or personal at all

Shirley- I didn't give all the details before. What she said was more like . No I can't, I have dc and we are going to x. I haven't been for the last few weeks and I feel bad and have decided I am going to go every other week. I was like- ok oh and said bye when she left the class early.

Jesus, OP, you say you don't think you're full on, and despite every poster basically saying - correctly - that this woman didn't lie, she merely said she had to rush off. Which she did. To meet this other group of friends for something that was clearly pre-arranged.

Now you've written screeds on here and, regardless of what we've said, you've decided "I know where I stand with her now so won't be initiation any more coffees or anything"!

You're coming across as pretty full on - and pretty unreasonable - on this thread. And actually, like a petulant teenager.

Whatever shatners. I ve just added her words which were she was going to x place afterwards so no coffee. She didn't go to x place, she went to the cafe.

Not convinced was pre arranged as she acted surprised about if other friend was coming to class and said not seen her.

Experienced this a lot with school Mums. Never sure why! Perhaps I am too full on or maybe don't like to be lied to either

Flickery- this is the first school mum I ve experienced it from. So far no bitching that I am aware of. I haven't heard anyone bitch. Most of the patents work full time so don't stand around with time to bitch.

Anyway, dh thinks she was was in awkward situation as obviously didn't want me to join and if I knew it was the other women I am friendly with, it made it awkward. Guess she wanted time with them on own. They've known each other few years. Just think she should have said sorry got plans with friends or something similar.

Well won't be making big effort with her anymore. Will stick to those people I know who want to spend time with me.

Flickery- had it lots in the past and it does hurt. Made me very insular and almost paranoid about if others liked me, what I had said/did wrong. As a result I don't have many long term friends and find friendships very hard to negotiate.

I have become more confident over the years, especially as I get into my middle 30 s so trying to put myself out there. This doesn't come naturally to me so knock backs like this upset me.

Navigate, not negotiate

Maybe she bumped into her friends outside and changed her mind about going to x?