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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How do u get a partner out if they refuse to leave

21 replies

ghostmouse · 02/05/2018 10:11

After years of abuse I finally gave dp an ultimatum and told him he had to go. I've given him a 2 months to find somewhere but he's says he's not budging. House is in my name but his excuse is he wants a council flat or a private rent not a bedsit. He won't get off his arse and look and is being a bit of a dick. He is we are treading on egg shells around him and I'm really worried about things s escalating when it comes to the deadline. He has no friends or family to put him up.what can I do

OP posts:

TheClitterati · 02/05/2018 10:13

Change the locks and leave his stuff outside.

He is forcing you to be drastic as he is refusing to find alternative accommodation.

Does he have friends or family?

Original poster

ghostmouse · 02/05/2018 10:15

No no friends or family. His mum won't have him either

OP posts:

TheClitterati · 02/05/2018 10:15

Oh I see no f or F. He's abusive to you.
Change locks. Call police if he kicks off.

I'm not sure of legal position though.

Keep going OP. Life is going to be so much better when he's gone.

TheClitterati · 02/05/2018 10:16

He's making his problems your problems. Remember, he is an adult responsible for himself.

15star · 02/05/2018 10:18

You are probably best off contacting citizens advice, you will probably need to put something in writing and give him notice. That way he's got something to show the council but a single male with no dependants isn't a housing priority. He will need to get used to the bedsit idea if he can't afford to rent privately

Original poster

ghostmouse · 02/05/2018 12:28

The tenancy is in my name.
He also keeps saying he needs to get somewhere in the village because he wants to keep an eye on me.

I just want him gone

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 02/05/2018 12:36

I agree: talk to Shelter, CAB or Women's Aid. Have you any records of this man's abusive behaviour (eg have you had to call the police due to his violence?) He can be made to go, and he can be made to keep away from you in the future. If you have no DC, you can cut him completely out of your life.

Original poster

ghostmouse · 02/05/2018 12:41

Yes there has been police involvement in the past but not in the last couple of years

We have 2 children together, my eldest two are not his but much older, one's already moved out. my younger two are ten and seven

More and more is coming out about his behaviour towards the younger two when I'm not it around, my dd1 who's 15 said he's a nasty bastard to them when I'm at work

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 02/05/2018 12:47

Change the locks and pack his stuff up.
Does he ever leave the house?
He's nasty to your DC as well.
You do not need to be 'kept an eye on'
Tell him to get to fuck.
Please kick him out.
Talk to Police on 101 and let them know what you are doing to get rid of him and they can put you on a priority call list if he starts to kick off.

TheClitterati · 02/05/2018 13:38

I agree with HellsBells - you owe him nothing and he is abusing you all. Fuck that you don't need to take it. Protect your DC and get rid asap.

Is there anyone who could be with you for a day or 2 while you change locks/put his stuff out? Just for your moral support!

Storm4star · 02/05/2018 15:33

Talk to Police on 101 and let them know what you are doing to get rid of him and they can put you on a priority call list if he starts to kick off.

I tried this several months ago, for reasons unimportant now, and they told me “we don’t just go round putting anyone who asks on a priority list” extremely unhelpful!

He is not a lodger paying rent (with associated protection) he is a partner with whom you have broken up and he is refusing to leave. I would call 101 and tell them exactly that. You and your children are living in fear. You gave him 2 months but he’s forfeited that kindness with his behaviour.

Smeddum · 02/05/2018 15:37

The tenancy is in my name

Call the police and have him removed.

wants to keep an eye on me

Report every instance of harassment.

NobodysChild · 02/05/2018 15:51

You need to report every time he abuses you and your children to the police. This way, there's evidence which is vital for future intervention by the police and social services. They may even offer to place you in a safe house, depending on the level of violence, i.e. threats to kill. Also, 7 days notice is sufficient in asking someone to leave your home. As others have said, get proper legal advice. Also, maybe secretly record him while you are at work. The more evidence, the better. You don't want him saying it's yours/your childrens word against his.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/05/2018 15:58

Speak to Women's Aid as well as the police, and possibly SS. If he is 'nasty' to the DC when he is supposed to be looking after them, you definitely need him removed, and you may be able to get the police to come round and do it (depending on how poor his behaviour has been.) If he is abusive towards the DC you may be able to insist that he is only allowed to see them under supervision.

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 02/05/2018 16:01

What action are you going to take OP?

XJerseyGirlX · 02/05/2018 16:04

You all the police and tell them there is someone in your house and they wont leave. 101 it OP, Make sure its logged.

Whatiwishfor · 02/05/2018 16:08

I have been here, unfortunately. My husband wanted to end it with me but would not move out, he wanted to have an open relationship and sleep in the spare room, he also wanted to remain working in his office in the back garden. We have 2 young children.
I visited a solicitor who pointed out to my his behaviour was abusive (his behaviour in general, not that just the fact he wouldn't move out). She suggested a non molestation and occupation order to get him to leave. In the end all i had to do was show him a solicitors letter threatening the above and he moved out.

You may not need to take such drastic actions as your renting and its under your name, my situation is with a joint mortgage. Call the police and woman's aid and get some advise, I would think its relatively easy. The fact he has no where to go is not your concern.

SickofThomasTheTank · 02/05/2018 16:12

Call the Police NOW! He is essentially trespassing x

SickofThomasTheTank · 02/05/2018 16:12

Whilst trespassing is a civil issue, he is abusive. They will have him out within seconds of arriving

Adora10 · 02/05/2018 16:21

Call police, he has no legal right to be there.

Bananalanacake · 02/05/2018 16:29

Does he pay towards your rent. I'm not sure if this gives him any legal standing though.

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