Partner looking up ex

[Kayleighlou2]

Hi everyone,

So I've been with my partner for 5 years now, we have just had our first child together (6 months ago) and recently I found out he has been looking at his ex on Facebook. I know it sounds very pety but it's really upset me. In my eyes that's something you might do when first splitting with her to be nosey but he was with her 7/8 years ago now and has been with me for 5 years I don't see why he would be doing this now! From what I've gathered from his family he really did love her but she went off with an older man, cheating on him and all sorts and really hurt him so I can't understand why he cares! He was with her for about a year and a half I think. It has just made me feel really insecure I've just had our baby I'm not feeling to great about myself and now he is looking at his ex. When I asked him about this he said there was nothing in it and he was seeing what she was up too which is most likely true but come on a relationship that ended 8 years ago and your looking her up!? Has anyone else found this or thinks I'm over reacting? Thanks in advance x

diodati Are you ok? You seem quite aggressive, chill out. Also just pointing out what you said
You have no right whatsoever to invade his privacy by spying on him, stalking him, etc. Have some dignity, FFS.

Does this mean op's partner has no right and needs to have some dignity as he was technically spying wasn't he.

But anyway I wouldn't worry, I sometimes do it mainly because I'm bored sometimes and something just reminds me of them so just think hmmm wonder what they're up to.

I'm Facebook friends with most of my exes but will have a nosey at those that aren't. I'll look up anyone I can think of tbh - just nosey!

Once again, I am friends (I'm male) with all my ex's, except one. I was open with my wife as to who these people were and she had full disclosure. I am not friends with the one, simply because my wife felt uncomfortable with me being her Facebook friend. I agreed that if it was a boundary for her I would accept it. I don't look her up. The difference is when my wife tells me a friend of hers on Facebook is only her brothers friend from school, and I later discover there was a lot more between them (a lot more, she never got over him). This was a huge problem (think EA) So what I'm saying is, open and honest contact and looking up is fine. Lying and hiding it is not. You need to discuss boundaries and what each of you feel about the others past, and what is acceptable in your view. My opinion.

He's probably just being nosy! I've looked up ex's for that reason lol

I'm a nosey bugger so I've searched Facebook for exes. I have four kids and have been with my hubby for24 years. And am still totally hapoy and in love. There was nothing untoward in my searching.part of it was to see if they'd aged well......not was the result! I would hate it if found out my dh had done the same ( double standards i know!) and I know he'd be hurt that I've done it too
I really wouldn't worry

I agree with the above, just nosiness. I even look up partners of people whose items I'm pondering buying on Facebook, or who have made comments on public posts I'm interested in. I don't want any of them. I'm just incredibly nosey.

Wouldn't overthink it. I looked up my ex, we broke up 18 years ago, out of curiosity. Wondered what became of him actually, but in a this is your life way, biographically. In no way do I harbour feelings for him. Enough time has passed to make the question interesting.

Haven't you looked your ex's up on fb OP? Of course you have, we all do it from time to time, very normal.

Yeah I'm another who thinks this is totally fine and normal curiosity. If that's all that's giving you cause for concern I'd say not to worry.

I've done this too. Only out of curiosity though, and sort of confirmation to myself that i did the right thing in ending the relationship and he is now happy. I honestly have no desire to see my ex IRL ever again!

I do it sometimes to make me feel better about myself because none of them have any altered in any way (aside from ageing) . I literally do it to be like “ahh good to see they’re still a loser” then go about my day.

I do this, it's totally innocent. I'm just nosey!

Yep, I have done a fair bit of this and I'm sure I'll do it again, I don't want to be with any exes (or anyone else, I'm happy with DH) but I'm nosey. Everyone looks up other peoples' pages on Facebook now and again, me and my DM did it today actually, being totally nosey about a brat who lived a few doors down when I was wee. I'm sure it'll be completely innocent. Congratulations on your baby btw 😊

Yeah, I'm sorry for the aggression. I'm usually pretty chill but my dad was just admitted to hospice and I'm angry at the world. Anger keeps me from falling apart, which I can't do.

Also, I know at least two highly controlling and insecure women who've almost destroyed their partners' lives and their relationships together with their constant suspicion. Snooping, spying, cross-examining, flying into rages of jealous pique over nothing. The general atmosphere of LTB on MN is so destructive! Not that the OP is behaving badly by being concerned about past relationships on FB but seriously, don't go looking for trouble, my friends.

So sorry to hear about your father diodati.

If everything else is fine I wouldn't worry a thing about it.

I've done that quite a few times. It's just morbid curiousity and actually usually a reflection of how happy I am now. Being very happy and content with my life makes me prone to periodic reflection and nosiness apparently.

My search history might give cause for concern if my DH didn't know me (and us) better but I can assure you there is no hankering, pining or ANY desire to reconnect when I get the urge to have a nose.

Enjoy your family and try not to worry. Lots of people do it.