Struggling with uncertain relatiomship

[uncertainPenguin]

I started seeing a man I met on OLD four months ago. We live in different cities (1 hour apart) and he has a demanding/long hours job plus kids who he has custody of each weekend.

I like him a lot and we have great sex . We see each other once a week but it's usually me who travels to him due to his time/work commitments (often he doesn't finish until 8pm).

I know that asking questions like 'where is this going?' Or 'what does this mean to you?' are pointless and add an unnecessary pressure - ultimately if we like each other then things will progress. However I find myself becoming a bit quiet and withdrawn as I don't really feel able to 'impress' him because I can only ever see him on his free 'windows' of time and I know I can't be a big priority for him.

He's very kind and caring, but really I feel like he could be 'busy' and drift off from seeing me without ever needing to say, such is the nature of our relationship.

I really want to feel a bit more secure and confident when I've dated other guys in the past they've chased me for more dates, tried to be involved in my life asap to 'secure' the relationship.

Pookie its so interesting because me and DH do all that stuff, - and still live an hour away. It suits us both for work and family stuff. I love dating my DH its the best of both worlds. We dont have separate lives in two places, we have an intertwined married life with a shared home by the sea and an shared apartment in the city too that's how we see it 😏

You can totally do it. Whereas I had a partner who was always too busy to do those things and we lived an hour apart

one your situation sounds great!

This doesn’t sound like a relationship certainly not from his point of view he sees someone once a week for a bit of sex and chat.
What about weekends are you able to see him at all or stay over at his place? Can you not stay the night with him?
Tbh I’d be wondering what on Earth he’s doing the rest of the week! Does he never go to see you?

undomestic at the weekend he has his kids, it's only been four months so I haven't met them. I think he's busy with work some of the other nights but of course nothing is certain.

It's easy to be 'romantic' by message. That's very low effort. I would stop contacting him at all for a while and see if he seems to notice or is willing to pick up any of the slack. If not then you know how he values you. Don't bother asking him what type of relationship he wants etc. Actions speak louder than words.

How many times has he been to your town?

Pointless visiting him again if he doesn’t even want to visit you.

It took me about 6-8 months to progress to seeing my now dp more than once a week...

A relationship doesn't have to be instant chasing and commitment in order to be good. Are you happy, do you feel good and safe with him? That's really all that matters...

You sound like a booty call OP. Don’t stand for it.

Texting is ever so easy. It's no relationship though. Do you want to live that life of just waiting for the text. It seems he is happy with the situation...he sees you once in a while and has his life he is used to the rest of the time. I wouldn't be happy with it tbh, and it doesn't sound like you are either. As a single parent why are you making the effort to travel...Why not him? Ask him to meet you instead....see his response. Do his friends etc know about you? He sounds comfortable with how it is I'm afraid OP.

prize I do feel good with him. He is communicative between dates but mostly by text, however a lot of the men I know aren't big on phone chats, tbh I don't phone him much either.

If you are looking for a full on, let's get married tomorrow type relationship, then you're probably "wasting your time" (as women like to say).

If you want company with a nice man who you like, then go for it and just let it be.

It's all about what you want and what makes you happy. Not every relationship has to be full on. Things can just be happy, light, simple and slowly progressing. Lord knows that's what I prefer.

My exh was full on from the beginning and it didn't end well. Possessive, manipulative and entitled, in the end.

My dp was very slow moving and tbh it's been wonderful, looking back. Lots of space to be me. When things progressed it was simply because our feelings had deepened. Not because we were "meant to" start seeing each other more, etc. Etc.

DP started to phone me only after our first year of dating. Now he phones every night.

Again. It's all about what you want / what makes you feel fulfilled and happy. Not about how things are "meant" to progress

If you're uncertain the only way is to communicate. It sounds like their might be a trust issue. Actually if I was in your shoes I might feel the same based on experience I've had. I've a close friend who has been seeing a gf for a long time now...barely often as he too works late and has kids weekends. They text a lot. But I know this through someone else as he hasn't told me. Because I think he doesn't want me to know. And vice versa I don't think she knows about me...because we spend a lot of weekend time with our kids and text loads ourselves. I wouldn't be happy being that part time OP, but for some they prefer it. Only you can know how you feel. Communicating that rather than second guessing is the only way. Go talk!!