Fed up of lies

[thebumpyride]

My oh and I have been together for 6 years but in 2015 we broke up for about 6 months. In that time I learned he started seeing and sleeping with multiple people one after the other. There was one girl in particular that even though he was only seeing for a few weeks, told her home, she met his mum and dad, showed her multiple pictures of our 1 year old daughter together, he had to take her to get the morning after pill, they used to sit at his house in the day and hang out together. We eventually got back together after the 6 months were up as it's what we both wanted. He told me all of the above about what happened with this girl. Since then we've had another two kids together (now 3 in total). When I was heavily pregnant with our son only in September last year, I saw he looked up a girl on Facebook. This was really random as they had no mutual friends. I confronted him and he bit back at me and told me I was being nosey. My insecurities from the past just made me so paranoid. He said it was someone from his primary school so I left it there. That was all those months ago. But today I saw this girls name pop up on MY Facebook, I clicked on it to see if it was who I thought it was. I stumbled across her age and realised she is 6 YEARS younger than him. He's 25 she's 19. I realised he lied about knowing her from primary school, I really wanted to know the truth now. So I asked him again, I didn't shout or nag I was just more annoyed that he lied. So tonight he told me it's actually his friends sister and straight away I knew this was another lie as they had no mutual friends and he has no friends with her last name. I asked him to just be honest with me. So he said ok I'll tell you but don't get mad, you always get mad and that's why I don't tell you anything. Not really an excuse to lie though? I can't help how I feel. He said 'I slept with her all that time ago when we broke up'. I couldn't believe he was still searching this girl up. He said 'I found out she was pregnant and I wanted to see'. WTF? Is it just me or is this wrong. It's brought all of the horrible stuff from that time back for me :'( am I overreacting? Why does he care so much to look her up? And why did he lie to me multiple times while I was heavily pregnant with his son?

He slept with her in 2015? Making her 16 at the time?

OP - you were broken up back then. Who he slept with, and now often, and where he took them - none of that is relevant.

And - he slept with a 16yo when he was 22....
Hmmm

You weren't together at the time so I don't see the problem. I look up exes occasionally as I'm nosey.

I agree. We all have pasts and think about them from time to time.

How were Hingis when you got back together? Had you been on any dates? Sniffed around a bit?

So to cut a long story short he’s looked someone up on fb that he once slept with?

I don’t really see the problem. I’ve done this many times with ex’s and flings... as have most people!

The main problem for me is you snooping on his Facebook. He’s never cheated on you, so why are you snooping? If you don’t trust him then that’s the biggest problem you have. Him looking up a girl he spent the night with isnt really an issue. He’s just being nosey. If he’d started messaging her then I’d understand where you’re coming from, but it’s all innocent.

It's the fact that he lied to me over and over again when I confronted him about it because I knew he was lying. That's my issue. Why did he lie if it was so innocent? Why didn't he just tell me from the beginning who she was? I didn't go through his Facebook we were sat together one night trying to find a post he wanted to show me, he went into his searches on Facebook and he scrolled past her name, meaning he had searched for it. That's when I started to ask why and who, and he lied several times about it. Also, he seems to have a ongoing thing for younger girls and it's quite scary. He would never sleep with any underage but I was once upon a time young and now it's like I'm too old and I'm not even old! We're supposed to be together and he's always looking at and complimenting younger people instead of me. Yes he was 22 and she was 16.

Looking up exes, fine. Lying and covering up, red flag. Too many posts on MN where this goes horribly wrong. Just my view.

I agree that him looking her up was innocent but the lies and I think the fact that he desires these younger girls is what is making my emotions flare up about one small thing. It does hurt a bit. It's not the one girl he's searched up either, it's a few. And they're ALL 16 / 17

He sounds rather immature. I would strive to be financially independent, so you don't get trapped and stay with him. With his behaviour and desire for younger women (and you are young yourself) it's just a matter of time.

OP - you are describing a man you don’t have much confidence in, and yet you decided to have three children with him.
Are you hoping he changes?
And the ‘young girls thing’ goes away.
It won’t happen, you know.
I’ll only get worse, eventually.

He wasn't like this to my knowledge until I was pregnant with our third. He used to be completely the opposite and we got on really well but has completely changed. I wouldn't get with someone knowing they were willingly way

• knowing they were willingly that way. He's now not the sort of person you image having a family with but I wouldn't change my kids for the world. It's him I now can't stand haha

You say he wasn't that way till you were pregnant with your third child.

Well clearly he was...because he went for the 16 year old when you only had one child during the time you broke up.

He likes them quite young and that's not going to change anytime soon from his actions.