Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband doesn’t love me

43 replies

BrunetteMumma · 01/05/2018 18:40

So myself and my husband have been together 10 years and married for 6. We have 2 children and last week he comes home from work and tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and it’s probably for the best that we divorce.
Im absolutely heartbroken, im still madly in love with him and don’t want to divorce him at all! I have no clue what to do!
I have gone to view houses as we rent at the moment and i wont be able to afford it on my own even with his help and i have found somewhere to go which is lovely but just cant get excited about it because im scared of being on my own with 2 kids and because im still heartbroken.
I just keep thinking of when he moves on 1 day and he will get with someone who will give him something I couldn’t. He says he doesn’t know why he’s fallen out of love with me but that he’s just been feeling so different about everything. He work away and is only home at the weekends and when he was home I made sure everything was immaculate and clean and that I cooked his favourite meals, I feel I did everything I possible could of.
Please tell me that this pain will eventually go!

OP posts:
BrunetteMumma · 15/05/2018 14:53

It's my birthday tomorrow and i treated myself by getting my nails and eyelashes done which has helped my self esteem! i just really hope 1 day he realises what he's walked out on xxxxxx

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 15/05/2018 16:59

Keeping busy and bit of pampering really helps.
I hope you have some family and friends supporting you through all of this.
It's really important!
Keep going.
Keep busy.
Get practical.
Well done OP.

Fflamingo · 15/05/2018 17:15

You’re scared to be on your own with two kids.
But you won’t be on your own with 2 kids as their father will coparent with you, just not from the same house. Point out to him that he should find a more suitable job as he will need to be around when it’s his half of the week to have the DCs. The DCs need their father, you can’t just move on as if he no longer exists.

FairyFace · 15/05/2018 17:39

Havent much to say OP but just wanted to say you sound like a gem. Your attitude towards this speaks volumes towards your maturity . I'd be in a heap on the floor. Well done for holding your head high. I hope you have a lovely birthday, maybe a treat with the kids during the day, and a few drinks with the girls later on! hugs x

odig · 15/05/2018 18:08

Sounds like you're home alone with the kids all week anyway, the weekend is the easy bit. Make it very clear that he has to have them regularly. Good luck OP, it's rubbish but life will be better in the future. Flowers

BrunetteMumma · 15/05/2018 20:10

DC's will still have there dad, he's a fantastic dad just a shit husband!
Everyday i get a little stronger, i look to the future and have stuff to look forward to like getting my own place and decorating it how i want to and getting my driving test booked so i can get a car and have my own freedom, its little things like that that are keeping me going!
Everyday is a new day and you get stronger, if you had asked me how i would feel today a month ago i wouldn't of said any of this or believed i would be the 1 saying it. I'm still in love with him but at the end of the day there's nothing i can do. If there was then i wouldn't be in the position xxxxxxx

OP posts:
Ss770640 · 28/05/2018 20:44

To be blunt it’s highly likely there is another woman. Nobody simply leaves a family and wife “just because”. There is another person filling his apparent needs. And he is too blinded by lust to see reality. It’s called the fog. He is choosing short term fix over reality of marriage and commitment.

I’m going through the same thing in reverse. Suddenly she wants a seperation. Demanded it several times. Turns out she’s shagging her collegaue at lunchtime. Some scumbag who is 15 years older than her. I read all her texts.

He is using an app like whatsapp or Facebook that you need to figure out. If you want to at all. To be honest don’t waste your time.

My advice is to put your heart to one side, and let your brain take control. Your gut has already told you what’s going on. It’s very hard to do. It takes months for your brain to understand what the heart wants and the reality of rejection.

It’s been a month since my STBXW moved out. And i enjoy the freedom and time with my son without the criticism etc.

My advice is to concentrate on all the reasons you were never right together. I’m betting there are lots.

Don’t dwell on the good times. Focus on the bad.

The reality is your a decent person and your non-communicative husband is choosing another over the family you have together. Let him go and suddenly the wooden sooon prize of an affair partner is no longer exciting when it’s all out in the open. Do you think she knows all the rules you’ve built together? Nope. Will she be interested in a family life when she knows he’s a cheater? Nope. Will she be as good in bed in 5 years time? Nope. Will he like meeting and befriending all her family and friends? Screw that. Too much effort.

I’d rather be single than worry everyday what bloke she’s sleeping with at lunchtime.

Your happyness will come. Give it time.

BrunetteMumma · 29/05/2018 12:24

Thank you for ur reply, from the sounds of it ur definitely going to come out stronger from it all and so you should.
Marriage is just a piece of paper and a name change to some people, i believed in marriage and really thought we would be together forever but obviously not!
Still no news on anybody else but i've gone past the stage of giving a shit now! if there's someone else then let him crack on, i can't do anything now and i wouldn't go back if there was someone else.
I get the keys for my new property on Monday and at the moment im in the process of packing up and trying to keep some sort of normality for the kids! Time is definitely a healer and everyday i get a little stronger, i'm just focusing on myself and the kids and to be honest with moving house and packing up i've got so much on that i don't actually have time to dwell on it anymore! xxxxxxx

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 29/05/2018 12:31

Hi, just read your thread -
WELL DONE you for getting yourself organised.

Day at a time my lovely 😁

Vitalogy · 29/05/2018 12:38

You sound like a strong woman OP. Best wishes.

topsy2tails · 29/05/2018 12:48

I just read it too. Hats off to you lady! your ex is a fool!!!

BrunetteMumma · 29/05/2018 14:27

Thank you everyone ThanksThanksThanks

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/05/2018 14:48

Great update OP. Onwards and upwards. You will be fine.

Congrats on getting your new place sorted! Flowers

BrunetteMumma · 03/06/2018 20:31

So i get the keys tomorrow for my new house, start of a new life as a single parentSadnot gunna lie, its hitting me again, grr why cant the pain go!! Time's a healer I know but im hurting again tonight and feel so so empty xxxxxxx

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 04/06/2018 09:43

Oh bless you.
It's is painful.
Real physical pain as well.
It's horrible.
But you are doing so so well.

So today is your new start.
I hope moving in goes well.

Cry when you want to.
But you'll get there!

BrunetteMumma · 19/06/2018 18:36

Hello everyone, hope ur all doing well!
im officially moved into my own 2 bed house, nearly there with all the unpacking!
still hurts, still very painful and i cry more. i hope it will go but all i think about recently is how the fuck am i actually going to get over this?! i wish someone could say in about a month or 2 ur be over him and thats it but obviously nobody knows. it will definitely leave a scar. xxxxx

OP posts:
falang · 20/06/2018 07:37

Doesn't seem like it now but you will be happy again. I've been there. It'll take a bit of time but you'll get there. Good luck and big hugs. I hope he's very unhappy Smile

hellsbellsmelons · 20/06/2018 08:58

Yes, I still bare the scars 9-10 years later.
The hurt never truly leaves us.
But it does get better.
It took me a good year to feel like myself again.
I don't trust men now - after being badly burnt yet another time.
But I love my single life and I have friends and family around me.
I probably didn't really stop crying until about 4 months after.
Well done. This is the start of your new life.
The new YOU!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page