Grieving the best sex I will ever have

[Ridiculouslyso]

This was with an unsuitable partner for many reasons, however there was an emotional connection and tremendous physical connection, to the point where being close to him would make me weak at the knees. He was also very accomplished - but it was the attraction that was the major pull.

How do I get past this ending, in my 40's, knowing without a doubt I will never ever experience such attraction again and I have never felt it previously either? In many ways I wish I could delete the memories from my brain and body.

Has anyone settled for less and been happy and not regretful?

Why was he an unsuitable partner? Was it an affair? Was he having an affair? I'm only asking as sometimes the frisson of the forbidden can cause the lusty tingles you're describing. Sorry if I'm completely wrong.

In answer to your question, it depends what you're happy to settle for, if indeed it is settling. Would this other partner have given you everything you needed, not just amazing sex, but all the emotional support, holding your hair back if you're sick, looking after you if you're ill, doing things for you without being asked? These are all just as important as sex, if not more.

I can't answer for you, but everything I've read on here and elsewhere suggests that the amazing electric weak at the knees tingles do not last - and it's what's left after these have disappeared.

Either way, you sound like you're going through a bad place, so hope you're ok.

Also, I don't think you can say "without a doubt, you'll never experience this again." It may not seem like it, but there's no possible way that there is only one person among the six billion people in the world who can make you feel that way.

There are a lot of fish in the sea, OP.

It happened to me 25 years ago, after a passionate year together.
I thought I would never recover, nor experience the like again.
I did recover, I have experienced it & we have connected on an even deeper & more comprehensive level.
So on the basis of my life (& I'm nothing special!) please don't worry - by all means mourn for the loss of relationship, but not for the rest of your sex life.
All of the insights you have gained during this relationship can be applied in the future: things can get even better!

It takes time to grieve the loss of it with that person but it is possible to find it with someone else. I've been there and I'm certain it can be found again.

No, not an affair but a type of friend with benefits that was never going to go anywhere. I won't find it again, I am convinced of it. He provided me with very little else, and would have been terrible at all the emotional support. I am not convinced that the weak knees would have ever gone, if I saw him today it would still be the same sadly.

I am not someone who finds men attractive often, and never have on this scale before.

If it was 'friends with benefits' and couldn't go anywhere - why not? Was he in a relationship or were you?

There is doubt, much doubt.
You may well experience it again.

Why was he so unsuitable?

He didn't want anything more. He wasn't in a good place for a relationship either.

As you know we are in similar situations. I do believe that it is hard to find such a special connection, but I think we can find this type of attraction again. The fact we found it once, and the fact, as another user said there are 6 billion people in the world. You just have to be proactive at not letting this consume your life and getting out there to meet other people - easier said than done.

You've always got my support. It's like a drug thinking about how electric the sex was with my FWB, but these guys weren't the whole package were they? Whilst the sex was amazing, that wasn't enough for us or we wouldn't have gone NC otherwise. We want the whole package, and if we are willing to look for it - and not settle - I do believe we will find it again. No matter what age, we can find it, just need to get out there and keep searching. xx

Well before you had it this time you probably couldnt imagine having it as you're so rarely attracted to men so I don't see why you couldn't have it again but I realise you're in fatalistic mode at present. My ex when I was 19 made me weak at the knees. When I met him again at 30 I felt nothing during or after sex with him...turns out my knees had moved on

Don't believe it. I had a very passionate relationship with someone who sounds like your ex. Complete commitment phobe and frankly a bit of a twat. The relationship was all about sex and knee trembling sex. I then met my now bf at 47 and wow wow wow, it is far more exciting and amazing than even I could have imagined. Not only is sex off the scale he's the most caring, loving relationship I've ever had.

I could have written your post OP.

I ended my on/off relationship with UP (unsuitable partner) around 2.5 years ago and not a day has gone by when I don't think about him/it. I feel like you do, that I'll never find anything that makes me feel that good again. And it wasn't just the sex, it was the spark we had together, and how much we made each other laugh. But he was also a liar and a shady bastard, and not a good person to be around all of the time (pretty sure he had BPD).

I saw UP in the street last week and it was the first time I had set eyes on him since I finished it once and for all. It was all I could do not to chase him down the street and I have started composing dozens of messages and deleted them. I know in my heart that only a world of pain exists in going back there.

I'm not looking for anyone else at the moment because I need some time on my own after coming out of a 2 year relationship, but I think about that amazing sex so much, and just know I'm never going to have it so good again, so I just wanted to say I do understand how bereft you feel. I know I shouldn't put him/it on a pedestal but I can't help it.

I feel your pain! I have an ex partner who I ended things with as he was an alcoholic... but oh my god the sex was amazing with such a great connection! Sadly, we couldn't stay together just for the sex!

So sad about it all, and definitely fatalistic. Thank you for the positivity though and thank you meow

Wondermags sorry to hear your story. Mine only ended 2.5 months ago but I suspect I will be much like you after years. You did very well not messaging.

Khaleesi mine was also an alcoholic, and depressed.

Playing devils advocate . Met up with an ex after many years apart and the sex was amazing. That was many years ago and nothing has come close. I cope by accepting. You might or you might not. experience it again.but you will move on and have positive life experiencex

You dont know for sure that you will never have that connection again atm you still greiving as you said. I am in same situation but am getting better and hopeful. You cant compare future partners with him? Be kind to yourself and embrace your sexual possibilities. You got this! The world full of sexy men who would be glad to have a woman who enjoys pleasure 😀

I can relate to this, although the guy and I never had sex. The connection and tension between us are off the charts. Unfortunately it will never be realised and I am fine with that.

Oh also I met him last week after five years, and it's still the same. It's like the movie Before Sunset - we can talk for hours and hours, nonsense chatter, and time flew.

@DrowningEveryDay why can it never be realised?

Ridiculouslyso

We met when we were young. We were both stupid. I was not the right race. We could not be together. He got married. He's now going through divorce.

I am happily married to the most wonderful guy in the world.

So no, it will never be realised.

I'm certain you can find someone else. You have learned what is possible and what you do like sexually. Sometimes it takes a decent lover to teach us this about ourselves.

I suspect that in part the excitement was because it was a fling as opposed to a relationship where you were doing mundane day to day stuff together. Me and my partner joke that when we start going to B&Q together the (fantastic) sex will probably end.

I met someone like this when I was 18 and he was 22. This was in the 80's

Just the most amazing incredible lover imaginable. He was a sculptor which I'm pretty sure was the reason he was out of this world with his hands and so tender. Why are men rarely tender? Do they think it's a sign of weakness or something? I would get the train to his house and we would go into town to the market to buy records (yep those were the days) then go back to his place and play them, whilst we spent very hot afternoons in bed.

Pretty awful that this happened so young as I've spent the last 30 years trying to find the same....never will again. Still think of his perfectly toned body to this day.....bloody unfair!!!!!!!!

I sometimes think back to the best sex I ever had... but now I'm post menopausal sex is no longer the massive deal in a relationship for me, and I'm glad to say that I'm in a much more restful (but still sexual) relationship. It might not be 'the best ever' but it doesn't have that whole edge of 'this could be the last time' that tends to make good sex the best.

So maybe time will help.

I had an amazing connection and better sex than with anyone else in one of my long term relationships. It didn't work out because of the circumstances at that time. I'm just glad I had it though. My reasoning is that if I've had several pretty successful long term relationships but only this kind of relationship once, then there are likely people who've never experienced it.