Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

dp's dd's abusive ex

3 replies

bfonline · 01/05/2018 11:13

My DP's grown up DD has separated from her physically and emotionally abusive ex with help from the police but she doesn't want to press charges. He's hassling her again with phone calls and threats over the phone. She doesn't want to record them or report him to the police. She wants my DP and me to be on hand to help, which we will, but what we want her to do is get everything on record and press charges.

I'm out of my depth with this.

OP posts:

something2say · 01/05/2018 11:30

The main thing to do is not respond in any way.
But can you keep a record of what happens?
If he turns up the heat because she won't answer you may need to involve the police, at which point a record will truly help.
I would also let a few days go by with not responding, followed by the threat of ringing the police if there is one more attempt.
Trouble with that is, if he does send one more, she will need to involve them.

To summarize then......stop responding, but be prepared to use the police. Try and get her to understand that this is risky behaviour from him and she doesn't know how far he will go.

sosks · 01/05/2018 11:30

If she won't take any record, then all you can do is record what you yourselves see and if it comes to the point she has no choice but to call the police, you at least have something.

She may come around to the idea of taking record, but it sounds like she's just scared right now. I was worried involving the police with my own ex as he was and is very manipulative and I was afraid that even with evidence he'd convince them I'd done something wrong.

I guess just be there for her as asked and support her the best you can and I'm sure she'll appreciate that. Pushing her on the topic probably won't yield much at the moment as she may already feel backed into a corner. I hope it all turns out well for her x

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/05/2018 11:43

Separate out the issues of recording and reporting. If you link them together she will resist. Get her to record everything 'just in case' and make out she'll probably never need to use it. Then when she comes round to the reporting idea or it gets so bloody bad he gets arrested for something regardless of what she wants the evidence is at hand.

Flip