Why am I so stupid?!?!?

[Cozmic1980]

I have been with my DH for 13 years and I feel so stupid for wasting my life with this man. We have a 12 year old and I know the main reason I stay with him is for her.
He's a compulsive gambler and has been since we met. He's always making empty promises about changing, stopping or handing control of his money over tho me but there's always a reason why this month it doesn't happen and I am so stupid for allowing this to keep happening. I pay for everything, rent, bills, food, the car. With his money he pays off his debts and probably gambles more.
I should have left him when he spent the £3000 his parents gave us as a wedding gift on goodness knows what. He said it was paying off debt yet he's still doing that. I don't really like him let alone love him, I feel like I want to start an affair or do something completely irresponsible and wreckless like him but I cannot bring myself to do it.
I am wasting my life with an idiot and I know it but I don't know where to start.
He's never going to change, I know that deep down.
If he's not at work he tends to sleep on the sofa, our red life is almost non existent and he wonders why?!?!? How can I sleep with someone who makes me so angry.
Does anyone have any practical advice? I can't see a way out. He often asks for money at the end of the month and if I refuse he says he will go and kill himself. Who says that to another person!!!! I know its controlling and wrong but I can't seem to get the strength to go.
I

Leave him. He's never going to change.
You say you don't love him, don't want to be with him and he's contributing nothing to yours or your child's life.
What is there to think about?

Go start a happy life with your child.

Your priority is with you and your Child. You've stood by him all these years so you've given him enough chances and he's got comfortable with what he can get away with!

He needs a wake up call..Leave!

Read up on co-dependence and look for some counselling, so you understand better why you're feeling like you do and the dynamic you're in.

And make practical plans to split and start taking those steps. The suicide threats are emotional blackmail to make you stay.

Hi OP

Please for yourself and your DC it's time to put you and them above your DH
Let him threaten his worst, this is no way to live, you deserve happiness and deserve a partner who will be true to their word and put you guys first.
You support your family by yourself anyway, you can do this x

What the others have advised.

You can find the strength to go; you need to believe in yourself and you also need to ask yourself some harsh questions too.

Do not use your child as a reason to at all stay with your gambling H now. Staying for the child is rarely if ever a good idea and is certainly not feasible here. I would argue also that you have stayed to date for your own reasons (habit, fear of being alone, your own codependency; those are amongst many others) so not necessarily because of her either. What you've shown her to date is that this is still acceptable to you. Is this really what you want to teach her about relationships, what has she learnt to date from the two of you?. Would you want this type of relationship for her as an adult; hell no. So stop showing her that this is still acceptable to you on some innate level.

"He'll kill himself"? Emotional blackmail! He's had enough chances, surely? How long can you put up with this? Get out now while you're still young enough to make a new life for yourself and dd

You can't keep bailing him out and making yourself miserable. Please get some help. Gamcare is a good start www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/frontline-services/helpline

I was with a gambler for 7.5 years, although I only knew about his problem in the last 1.5 years. Just leave him, it won't change and you'll continue to be miserable. Leaving my ex was the best decision I ever made. I am now in a solid and happy 4 year relationship with someone else and we have a baby on the way (kids was something my ex never wanted). My ex always used to threaten to hurt himself if I left. Guess what....he didn't. It's incredibly selfish to emotionally blackmail someone into staying with them. Please leave him, your future self will be so grateful that you did

Sounds just like my gf's ex, especially the sofa and gambling.

In the end she gave him a 'next time you gamble you're gone' ultimatum and stuck to it.

Do you find it hard to leave him because he's so dependent on you that it feels like abandoning someone who can't cope on their own? That was my ex's problem for a long time. But like you say, it kills any sex life dead when your partner becomes just an extra child to care for.

For what it's worth, he's managing to tick along since they split, with at least the bare essential improvement he needed to function day to day.

If you can't leave for you then do it for your child.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I feel ashamed that I'm not strong enough to leave/throw him out. It is really so easy to do though? I'm going to give gamcare a call to try and get some emotional support. He's at work at the mo and I know he'll be wanting an argument when he gets home so I'm going to try not to waste my energy in arguing back. Thanks again everyobe.

You don't have to suddenly throw him out today. But would you feel strong enough to start to make a plan?

You need to do things one step at a time, because each step in itself is easy. So I started by ringing the estate agent to come and price up the house. Try and put emotion to one side if you can, it will stunt your progress. Once it's all over you'll soon realise that you've made one of the best decisions of your life by getting away from him