Hi sorry if this turns out a bit long but it’s quite complex and I really need to get some help.
3years down the line and he’s walked away, it’s not been easy but I love him to bits . However I think he perfectly fits the bill of a narcissist.
He can be aggressive at times very loud and breaks stuff. He may also have pushed me a little and at times left bruises. Horrible phone messages at times if I didn’t answer. He was very jealous when we first got together but was also the loveliest man you could ever meet. I had known him for a few years prior and knew he had had difficult relationships with bad endings but we just worked if I could oversea his drunken stupidness. He was a little obsessive and very possessive. Things calmed down but there would still be evenings I couldn’t get hold of him although he always came home. Sometimes a bit stroppy because I’d been calling him but otherwise he was super lovely. Then about 8 months ago he became a little secretive and randomly didn’t come home and told me he had stayed at his but then hid a woman’s no under a different name on his phone. A month later he Came home smashed after an argument we’d had earlier and I looked at his phone and found some texts .. nothing bad but he wanted to go and see her that night . I text her and asked about it ... both denying anything was going on. He said he blocked and deleted her and then a month later he had her other no and under a mans name this time. ( I got a friend to call the no to see if it was her) and I became obsessed with checking his phone records as he had changed the password on his phone so I couldn’t look anymore. He eventually found out and went mental at me. I have been so consumed by it all and couldn’t break the cycle.... I feel as though he has cheated but I don’t have proof. I’m worried I’m just being a bit crazy and thinking the worst. So we trotted on with me checking and knowing that he has spoken to her for 10mins at work and shortly after said he couldn’t talk to me as he was really busy. Little things like that happened and he continued to text and call her. Maybe it was her hassling him but who knows. Things were very strained at home and I was very sensitive about everything. Planned a weekend away for his birthday and the weekend before we have an argument and he said he had to work and couldn’t go away. Came back another argument and then 2 days later he came back. he made friends with a new woman on fb ... and the following night he didn’t come home again and lied about where he had stayed. I found out and he said he didn’t tell me because he knew I wouldn’t believe him anyway. Taxi driver said he kicked him up from a local pub/hotel , he told me he had stayed At a friends near by. The local pub /hotel is run by the girl he made fb friends with the night before. Told me it was over after an argument about it all. This is why I don’t want to be with you he said ..barely seen him since but he rings everyday for a chat.. but doesn’t want to be with me. Because I’m mental I know his van has been parked at the hotel over night on a few occasions.
I think he is having another affair and has dropped me like a stone due to my snooping and questions.. so he has the freedom to do so. I feel as though I am loosing the plot, I’m devastated and heartbroken.
I want him home so much but I know this will happen again and I know he won’t change the way he is. I don’t really know what to do with myself. I can’t stop contacting him as I have nearly all his stuff and we have joint debts. He is still paying his way for things previously arranged and says he will support us. I love hearing from him but it also upsets me a lot. I don’t know if I’m coming or going to be honest.
Any thiughts would be good
Sorry it’s so long and thanks for reading.