My husband just dumped me

[LondonCrone]

I can’t really think how else to say it - I haven’t been dumped since high school, but this is exactly how it felt.

We’ve been together six years, married four and a half. I almost feel like I’ve been in accident - I was walking along, happy in my marriage, and then all of a sudden, three weeks ago, it all fell apart.

I’m just sitting in bed, post-crying, listening to make himself dinner. He’s whistling. He’s relieved the hard conversation is over.

It’s so hard not to go up there and put my arms around him like normal. I’ll lose my job, my right to stay in this country, everything. He just... fell out love with me, and now my whole life has to change. It feels surreal.

Anyone else been through similar? Could I have done more?

Didn't want to read and leave. Have you got any support in real life in this country? Time to call them up too (you'll get plenty here though in the meantime). You are stronger than you think lady- trust me.

Just looking at the legal side, are you here on a spouse visa? I believe you get residency after 5 years and being married 4.5, well by the time any divorce went through, you would have been married 5 years. Definitely get legal advice on that aspect.

Sorry you’re going through this. It doesn’t sound to me as if there was anything you could have done.

Thank you both for your replies.

I do have support in this country, but I can't bring myself to be honest with anyone - it's like telling people will make it real.

We've had challenging times in the past, but we always worked through them easily enough. I thought this would be the same, but he doesn't even seem to want to try. He won't go to counselling, won't go away on a weekend away, doesn't want to try anything. All he wants is to move out.

It's so devastating and totally baffling. I feel like I should have seen this coming. All of the things I was trying to fix our issues - getting my driving license so that we could take cheap weekend trips away (which he didn't even want to go on), coming up with ideas on how to save money so that we wouldn't always be so stretched (which he didn't want to try), coming up with a future for us -- and the whole time he didn't even want to be a part of the life I was trying to build for us.

It's so hard not speaking to him, but every time I do reach out, and I'm met with the platitudes and the vagueries, it's even worse. UGH. My birthday is in two weeks. Happy fucking birthday to me.

When men check out of a relationship... most don't turn back. . Don't beg or cry sort you crap and protect yourself.

You need to put the emotions aside, I know that's in no way easy(!), but you must look into what the options are for you to stay (in the UK?). Speak to your employer to see if there's a way to keep your job.

Sending you a handhold.

OP - I am sorry this is happening to you. And - even more sorry, because it’s probably not over and a gf would be revealed in due time.

However - with regard to your status - you are so so close to the 5 year residency. Talk to him - he most likely would like an easy divorce - and it will surely go easier if you are on good terms. He’ll get it.

So - at least you will have a choice on the country to live in and a job.

Sorry again