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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Catching a cheater!

28 replies

ErinKate · 30/04/2018 17:58

Alright ladies - I steaming mad over here but doing my best to play it cool....
Long story short, I’ve caught my husband on Ashley Madison before numerous times and he always lies about it and then when caught it is somehow my fault...he’s great at gaslighting and now that I’m pregnant with our 3rd baby (we sadly lost our last Pregnancy halfway - so technically this is our 3rd) I have found a ‘welcome to kik’ email with his username...but no, it’s spam...and suddenly all his google play accounts are all changed...hmmmm. Instead of flipping out I want to catch him. I installed a spy app on his tablet and just found out he has installed an anti-Spyware program on his tablet...I can’t get ahold of his phone without starting a fight as ‘I don’t trust him’... can someone give me some advice how to catch him?
Is there an external USB I can buy to extract data? Suggestions?
Thanks!

OP posts:
Adora10 · 30/04/2018 18:03

Catch him, you already have OP, he never stopped, spend your energy on building up your self esteem because if you stay with this cheat then you are condoning his behaviour and will have to expect this is the marriage you are in; one where the man is cheating on you.

FairyFace · 30/04/2018 18:19

Give him a few sleeping tablets and wait for him to doze off and go through it with a fine toothcomb! lol.

No like the other poster said, he is at it, you don't really need anymore proof. Will it change anything if you find out more?

gawdsake · 30/04/2018 18:43

Sorry to hear this OP. Are you gathering evidence so you can divorce? Or do you just want concrete proof so he can't bullshit his way out of it?

If it's the latter I wouldn't bother, I would probably just leave

ErinKate · 30/04/2018 19:12

I already am aware that he is cheating, that’s a no-brainer. It is very important for me to find concrete evidence because he has done a number on me making me feel like I am the crazy one plus it will affect the outcome of the divorce I am going to file for as well as our ‘financial arrangement’ moving forward.

OP posts:
Sinkingagain · 30/04/2018 20:01

I can totally understand what you mean , I found a phone with photos of him having sex , I am still searching for more.......

Itwasntmehonest · 30/04/2018 20:34

NC for this...I'm on Kik and happy to act as a honey trap, would just need his username.

Sally2791 · 30/04/2018 20:35

His cheating will not influence your financial settlement

ErinKate · 30/04/2018 21:08

Actually it will make a massive difference as an agreement was created (we neither had a pre or post nup.) at his request (he used to be paranoid about me being unfaithful...go figure) and one of the stipulations was honesty and fidelity (more detailed than that). It was drawn up and signed by both parties and actually was norotized (so I guess it’s an post-nup of sorts).

OP posts:
ErinKate · 30/04/2018 21:09

I’m not 100% sure how kik works but between barfing my face off, running my business and taking care of our two little ones I have been trying to research this. Wouldn’t it seem suspicious if you just sent him a message out of the blue? Is there anyway you can perhaps see groups or interests of his via kik?
Thank you

OP posts:
ErinKate · 30/04/2018 21:12

Omg that’s awful...I previously found pictures and chats but not actual sex pics - I would go into labour right then and there! How did you find them? Just look on his phone? Do you have spyware? You should. Gah you poor thing

OP posts:
Itwasntmehonest · 30/04/2018 21:19

I don't think so, but I could at least see that he has an account and hopefully his profile pic will show it's him.

Sinkingagain · 30/04/2018 22:10

I was suspicious and looked in his car, under the seat inside a pair of socks was an ancient Sony Ericsson, he tried to smash it up but I grabbed the sim and memory card, I can’t get the sim to work but the memory card held the photos. Truly horrifying

Storm4star · 30/04/2018 22:32

Have a look through this page.
www.spyzie.com/kik/best-kik-hack-app.html
Has some apps that might work for you?

I know some people consider all this snooping but to me, when your husband and wife, phones/tablets/accounts etc shouldn’t be locked from each other, not if u don’t have anything to hide.

ErinKate · 30/04/2018 22:41

Yikes, does he know you found it?
And do you know who the person (people) are/ is?

OP posts:
Mrstobe90 · 01/05/2018 00:33

Have you considered a PI?

VladPutin · 01/05/2018 06:44

This is a bloke

ErinKate · 02/05/2018 16:16

I have considered a PI but they are very expensive...I really just need access to his electronics and that would be the best way to resolve this. Heartbreaking to even be spending the time on this.

OP posts:
ErinKate · 02/05/2018 16:17

Whose a bloke? Him? I don’t understand your comment

OP posts:
ErinKate · 02/05/2018 16:18

I looked into all of these programs and actually installed one on his tablet...only to find out he has anti-spyware installed already...

OP posts:
Feckers2018 · 02/05/2018 17:24

I know of someone who uses AM and they only communicate through kik and sometimes WhatsApp because you can hide chats. Check his photo stream as well. Also check his bank account and phone bill online if you can there should be evidence there. AM is expensive and I think they pay monthly.
He has definitely cheated and it is probably ongoing.
I'm not going to say you poor thing because at least you have found out and now you can leave the scum bag. What an entitled prick.

ClaryFray · 02/05/2018 18:21

Yes all you need is a username to randomly chat. It wouldn't seem odd.

Itwasntmehonest · 02/05/2018 20:56

There is also a similar site to AM called Illicit Encounters, so another one to look out for.

My offer still stands re. Kik, I'm sure I could blag something Wink

claire992 · 03/05/2018 01:43

This reply has been deleted

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ErinKate · 03/05/2018 19:26

I’m going to PM you 😊

OP posts:
ErinKate · 03/05/2018 19:29

Does illicit Encounters work the same as AM? I will check it out unfortunately.

OP posts:
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