Hi
I don’t know why I’m writing this , maybe I’m hoping someone can help me understand. Or tell me I’m being stupid or naïve or an idiot, which seems likely.
I have had 2 best friends for the last 12 years. I feel so stupid writing this because I DO sounds naïve but I think I just never expected to lose them both.
For one to reject me is bad enough, but the fact they both have, I’m really struggling with it, crying often (when I’m alone), feel sick, feel like I don’t trust that I’m a person even worthy of friendship any more.
They are both completely un-related to each other.
One of them (will call her D). We’ve been through so much together, parents dying, grief, illness, pregnancy, baby visits, first dates, holidays together, we’ve spoken about our deepest worries and anxieties.
The last time I had a catch up with her was 2 years ago. Then I got pregnant with my 2nd child, and from then on the excuses started every time I messaged. She came over with her girlfriend after I had 2nd baby, and they both sat there looking so fucking uncomfortable it was like the Queen coming round.
I was then invited to their wedding, just me, not my partner or children. They barely spoke to me that day, I was hurt my partner and 3 month old weren’t invited (as we were breastfeeding) when other people had their partner and kids there.
Fast forward a few months of more excuses not to meet. I eventually asked what I had done.
Que long email explaining she hates my (female) partner as she makes me uncomfortable. My partner and her are complete opposites. I explained not once have I ever brought my partner along when we’ve caught up together. As they ARE very different and I respect that. She then said in her email she was pregnant and being round my partner was too much.
I was overjoyed for her and desperately hoped we could rekindle our friendship , I wanted to support her and be there for her as a friend should be.
She hasn’t been well and didn’t want to meet up, she hasn’t been coping very well mentally. She’s now had the baby, I messaged before asking how she was, afterwards, congratulating her on the post her wife put on Fb, asking for her new address to send the card to, all messages have been ignored. I understand it’s tough , my partner and I have been through it, has our 3rd child and my OH was a mess (suicidal at times)during her pregnancy.
I then messaged her wife asking for an address to send a card too. Also been read and ignored.
I’m leaving it now, I feel so stupid for even asking to send a card, but then I think that she was still someone I would trust with my life until recently. Am I really such a bad person for wanting to know how she is.
I can’t put too much detail as there might be indentifying info, and I don’t want people to think I’m such a fucking sad mess who doesn’t know why her friends are no longer ...
The other friend I mentioned, also been so close for 12 years, met a wife, and that was the end of me. She’d also been with me through everything.
Please don’t be too harsh I’m just hoping for some alternative ways to get through this, I honestly don’t think I have done anything.
When I was pregnant both times I put in 100% effort with my friends, while juggling other children, a full time job, partner etc. Always made time for them, whatever friend are meant to do. I did it because I cared about them, was happy for them and wanted the best for them.