Is this it, do I really have to leave my job?

[Marmarladespam]

I've been in my workplace for nearly two years & I absolutely love my office and our team, it's a dream place to work and quite unique. In this time my colleague & I developed an affection for one another & gradually became a couple. However, he recently violently verbally assaulted me for a decent period of time, kept me trapped, he also destroyed some of my property (minor things). I would call it an attack. It was prolonged & very frightening. The police were involved but no action was taken because I wasn't physically hurt. I told our boss in confidence but he doesn't want to get involved -says it's for us to sort out between us. There is nowhere either of us could make a sideways move to within the company. I'm gonna have to leave my cherished workplace aren't I?

Do you work closely with him?
Do you have to have daily dealings with him?
I don't see why you should leave.
You love it.
If you can just ignore him and get on with things then you should do that.

Sadly your boss is right, they cannot get involved in this, as unpleasant as it was.

If he is not going to leave and you genuinely feel you cannot work with him then you will indeed need to leave. I'm sorry. But your boss cannot fire him for it.

We've split up as a couple now but I sense danger. I think he'd do it again. The atmosphere yesterday was horrible but it's like only I'm aware of it. He does puppy-eyes to everyone else. He simultaneously castigates me for his pain but also tries to cajole me to getting back together with him. ('we're soul mates - I'll never be able to recreate again what we had together'). I think he has mental health issues.

And yes, to the above poster, our work is close, so not much getting away.

Do employers take convictions for assault into account?

Could you look at getting a restraining order?

OP I was in your situation - ex was threatening to kill me if we were in the office alone together while saying to the boss that we were all adults and he didn't have any problems working with me. I had to leave for my own sake.

I think you should find a similar role elsewhere, for your own peace of mind - and don't become romantically involved with colleagues again!

If you can be sure you are safe arriving and leaving, I'd wait it out and let him show his true colours in public. He'll do something which will get him disciplined, or he'll move on.

Your employer has a duty to provide you with a safe workplace. This isn't two adults having a falling out, this is one assaulting and frightening another.

Please contact women's aid and ask their advice.

As well as WA you could ask ACAS about this.
You might get some advice on how to move forward with it all.

Your employer has a duty to provide you with a safe workplace

It didn't happen in the workplace, there is no criminal record. It's her word against his. The employer cannot get involved unless there is something to show she is in any way, unsafe in the workplace.

Do employers take convictions for assault into account?

You said in uour op the police declined to act. Does he have a conviction for assault and what is the context?

I would think they should still provide a safe work place. If this happened on a night out between colleagues and then one colleague made a complaint to HR they would have to investigate, just because they were a couple shouldn’t make a difference.