What do you tell your children when he’s refusing to see them because he’s annoyed with with you?

[thefourgp]

He’s meant to have them tomorrow night. I’ve told him it’s the kids he’s punishing and not me but he doesn’t care. Up to now I’ve just been saying I don’t know why he can’t see them and to ask him next time they see him. Do I keep saying this? I don’t want to make up any excuses for him or bad mouth him either. They’ll realise for themselves how horrible he is as they get older. They’re 5 and 7.

Meant to say, he’s done this multiple times and my lawyer has started court proceeding for a childcare agreement to be made.

I think you’re handling it the right way, as you said, this way you’re not defending him or badmouthing him. And yes, kids aren’t stupid, they will make their own minds up about him. It’s just sad when people act like he is.

My children are a bit older than yours and ex rarely bothers to see them. I've taken them to see him a few times, but have told him it's his responsibility to sort it now. Dcs have asked why he doesn't visit, and I've simply said "I'm not sure - you can ask him if you'd like, but remember that if you want to speak to him, you can always FaceTime him." They're slowly getting it. They've only seen him in person a few times over the last couple years. I don't bad mouth him - they'll figure it out on their own. I'm not defending him either.

When my ex did that (son then aged around 7) I told him Dad was ill the first weekend. He had announced that he would rather not see our son again than have to talk to "someone as base as me". I couldn't believe he would keep it up, but by the next weekend, our son was in tears asking if dad was in hospital, so I had to tell him Dad had had some real trouble at work and he was just very angry, and couldn't see him until he was feeling better. That seemed to hold the line (and was true,)

After a few weeks sure enough old dick-for-brains decides he'd like to be a dad again.

It's so bloody hard when they are so little and full of love. It's just not possible to crush them with the actual truth, that Dad loves his own way more than he loves them.

No answers really, but sympathy.