How will I cope without my husband?

[Icecreamlover22]

Hi everyone,

I really hope someone is in the same position as me and can offer some advice..

So my husband has to travel somewhere for 6 months, it’s very complicated however he has no choice. I live with him and his family, we have no children together yet. I work full time however when I get home I chill out and watch tv most nights. We spend our evening in bed or downstairs but we are never apart much. I spent 1 week away on holiday once and I was so upset the whole holiday as I felt home sick. But 1 week was okay. Im not close with my family anymore and my friends don’t bother to meet up much... so I will be at home bored every day.

How will I cope? I suffer with anxiety and I am on Sertraline 100mg. I hope it doesn’t get worse. I miss him already and he hasn’t even gone yet. My question is how do you cope? No cuddling, kissing or holding your husband for 6 months. From every day... to nothing. I will probably visit him 3 times while he’s gone. But I need tips on how to take my mind off things.

Please can someone give me advice. It’s my anxiety im worried about, what if I start getting low moods and I start crying at work?? I just don’t want him to leave for so long. Life isn’t fair. It’s breaking my heart because this is something that has to happen. Im just used to being with him and having him here for a hug or advice. It took me ages to stick to my job at first and I am terrified my anxiety will flare up with all the stress. But I suppose work will keep me busy and keep my mind off him during the day. We have other serious worries in our life as well... right now we need each other however we have to be apart... thats what makes it worse : ( any friends I do have wouldn’t understand it, so I worry about seeing them as I might be a boring person who is upset always and no fun to be around.

Any advice?

Xx thank you

OP - I am sorry your husband is moving away for a while, and anyone wound miss a loved one when they are away.

However - you sound still young. And you have no children yet. And your reaction to that is not healthy.
You sound completely paralysed by the idea that he will be away.
And you seem to have isolated yourself from all life outside your H and his house. This isn’t a way to live.

You can’t rely on a physical presence of another human being to keep your MN stable.

You are on Certaline already. Have you asked your GP for more help?

Thank you

So do you think it might be a slight over worry due to my anxiety? Obviously its not nice but am I worried too much?

I can try and keep myself busy and speak on skype. Its just sad tbh that my husband can’t be here. I don’t know anyone around me who has this issue. Im 27 so yes still young. It’s life I understand that. Just looking for some tips to take my mind off it. Might not be as lonely as I think and the time might fly by... who knows x

OP - if I were you i’d do both -

• seek treatment for your anxiety - and not more meds - more taking to someone and getting to the roots of it..

• try to develop some life and interests of your one. You are only 27. You can’t live your life focused on one person - with nothing else external.

You need friends, hobbies, interests. It will not only help her in the short term - it’s important in the long term - to stay interesting to your H...

If I lived with somehow who was totally fixed/fixated on me - with no life of his own - it’d eventually get claustrophobic and boring. And i’d end up running away.

But - I agree with you - it’s not nice that he has no choice and has to travel. However, it’s life. And not the end of the world.

I always find immersing myself in good books helpful when I’m very anxious or have been lonely

I'd get a dog. They are very loving and don't leave your side and it'll be great to get you out walking a few times a day. Also if possible start talking to other dog owners, go to dog training places and get to to meet people in a nice comfortable environment.

Honestly I'd feel similar and have a very active social life outside of DH and our DC. But I would dread him going away for 6 months even before DC. When you live with someone day in day out and talk to them about everything and they are the person you cuddle at the end of a stressful day, it's horrible to think that they won't be around for 6 months to do that.

Skype is your friend. Make sure you set days/times for contact with each other. You say you plan to visit 3 times. So around 8 weeks between each visit, try and plan things between the visits to take your mind off him not being there. As you haven't been actively social for some time it can be hard to throw yourself into it, reconnect with friends or family people that you already know. Go for drinks with work colleagues etc or just plan something for yourself.

6 months, once you are in the swing of it, will fly by. You'll be OK and stronger for it OP. Don't let your anxiety get the best of you over this.

I think the very big issue is that you have no life outside your marriage.
You are totally reliant on your DH to provide for all our needs. Affection but also entertainment, social etc...
I think you need to build up on those. It will be good for you and for the relationhsip.

What to do? Get a hobby you can do at weekend, go and exercise (gym, class, a club). Loook at things you could be interested in (museums, concerts, talks). Get a massage (good to cope with the no sex/affection side of things). Try groupon for their experience activities (eg a cooking evening etc..)

Thank you so much, those replies have really helped. I do see friends and I love my work friends. I am just more of a home person, I don’t drink and I just love staying home. When I see friends or some family we probably meet once a month. But I am very closed and I distance myself so it can take a while for me to open up or loosen up. The anxiety was at 20% before.... I’d say ive improved a lot since I met my husband as he encourages me to be positive. Im now at 90% improvement however there will always be that 10% of me that worries. I doubt it will ever go away fully. But im proud of how far I’ve come in the last few years.

But I have bills to pay and everyone I know lives at home with their parents and just haven’t experienced real life issues yet to be honest. I need to meet people that I have something in common with. People who share a similar life to me, not people who want to party. Thats just not me, I prefer dinner and a movie... not the pub haha

I could try harder 100% and I think I will try harder to socialise with others. I must do it to push myself and walk out of my comfort zone.

Il let you know how I get on, maybe I will find a new hobby... the gym has been on my mind for a while : ) I will miss him very much though , but it will make us stronger hopefully x

Why/where does he have to go ?

He has to go for work

You could also think about doing a course. Think about something you’re interested in - it could be work related or just something you enjoy (you write well, for example, so you might enjoy a creative writing class, but you could also do lots of other things like design, home plumbing, introductory counselling, etc. Your local college should have a prospectus). You can even do many courses online if you prefer being home. I don’t know your financial situation but you could get a part time evening job or volunteering, or get a season ticket to the local cinema or theatre, or, as you have said, the gym. I’ll look forward to hearing how you’ve got on. You sound nervous, but you’re also working to make the best of the time you have apart, and that’s a really great start.

Thank you hun x