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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Upset but I shouldn’t be

18 replies

Newrules2018 · 29/04/2018 17:52

My marriage broke up around 6 months ago...for the past two months I was dating a guy who I thought was lovely couldn’t believe my luck.

Right from the start he was very much talking about future plan etc after two dates he said to me that he wouldn’t be dating anyone else and I agreed a few weeks later he told me he wasn’t really sure about us and I said that’s fine let’s finish it and he said well we weren’t really anythingHmm

A day later he in contact telling me he’s sure of his feelings he wants me and only me so mug here gave him another go. Then this week I got a feeling he was on tinder my friend has it got her to check and low and behold there he was. I asked him about it he said he was being nosey and begged and begged me to give him another chance and could we be boyfriend and girlfriend. I told him I’d think about it. Spent fri night with him he promised tinder was gone it was me and him he could make me really happy all the promises. Last night he was out I was in...I set up a tinder with fake pics and what do u know he was still on there and matched with my fake account! He tried to deny it then I should him the proof and he said yea it’s probably best we call it quits I keep making mistakes.

Now I know I’ve had a lucky escape but why do I feel so shit I really want to contact him but I have deleted him off everything so I can’t anyway which I’m delighted about but I’m so 😭😭😭😭

OP posts:
esk1mo · 29/04/2018 17:55

what an absolute joke of a man.

you’d be scraping the bottom of the barrel to get back with him.

BleakBetty · 29/04/2018 17:57

What a cretin. You’ve had a lucky escape! Well done for blocking and deleting him. Don’t contact this man, he’s shown you who he is and you’ve walked away with your self respect intact.

Throw yourself into other activities - see friends, focus on your hobbies, distract yourself and don’t think about this creep again.

Original poster
Newrules2018 · 29/04/2018 18:17

Oh I’m so annoyed at myself
I really fell for him hook, line and sinker! I wondered had I over reacted because we weren’t official but nope he asked and begged and still
Couldn’t come off it

OP posts:
jl3514 · 29/04/2018 18:19

you had a lucky escape by the sounds! What a waster x

Branleuse · 29/04/2018 18:32

what a dick. Youve dodged a bullet there

VetOnCall · 29/04/2018 19:26

Sorry this happened, it's shit and he's a dick.

Right from the start he was very much talking about future plan

Just for the future, if someone starts talking about your joint future when you've only known them 5 minutes it's a huge red flag. It takes time to get to know someone properly. Google lovebombing and future faking and you'll find plenty of good advice online.

something2say · 29/04/2018 19:28

When they say shit like he said to you, prick up your ears. The only way to know for sure is through his behaviour x you did dodge a bullet, but he has been unfair to you by leading you up the garden path with promises x try not to think about him too much, deliberately distract yourself I think until it passes. And of course, get back on tinder x

Original poster
Newrules2018 · 29/04/2018 21:11

Thanks ladies!! I really would love to know why he did it just seems so pointless and a waste of time. Ugh just my luck to pick a prick as my first one after a cheating husband

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 29/04/2018 21:17

He sounds like a fool Lucky escape.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 30/04/2018 06:09

Online dating is a plenty with men like him. Well done for proactively discovering his turdness and affording yourself more respect than he ever did.
Can I make a suggestion though. Stay single for a bit. 6 months out of a marriage that caused a lot of pain (cheating husband) must have had some impact on your vulnerability. Waster men have a radar for this type of thing.
My advice would be to be alone, it's lovely once you get used to it. Work on building yourself up. A year or so of doing you, working through the hurt and adapting to your new life and you'll spot these tricksters a mile off, probably before you've even met.

Original poster
Newrules2018 · 30/04/2018 08:44

I have so many
Things planned with friends in the next few months that I’m really looking forward too...plans that he tried to put me off making too lol

I don’t even think I’m hurt now I think I’m just baffled as to why he said all those lies. The sex was amazing tho which is what I’ll miss.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 30/04/2018 13:49

You gave him too many chances to begin with; don't put up with any of this crap again.

Original poster
Newrules2018 · 01/05/2018 13:11

I think I am annoyed at myself and tbh looking back I think I was just flattered at the attention and he was a Good distraction. Email from him today as he can’t contact me anywhere else he has been told again where to go

OP posts:
Lostforagoodname · 01/05/2018 18:47

Sounds like a narcissist. IMO. Very lucky escape indeed
No doubt he could tell that you were vunerable

Onemansoapopera · 01/05/2018 19:46

Two months in after only splitting up from your husband six months ago... I think if you were having awesome sex you should have just kept it going casually for the kicks!! Surely you don't want to be in an actual relationship so quickly?? This is the bit where you're supposed to have carefree sex to find yourself again, not dive straight into wanting a serious exclusive rebound. Or is that just me??

Original poster
Newrules2018 · 01/05/2018 23:56

Yes it should of been about that but he was very full on in the beginning and he was the one who said he ‘didn’t share’ so didn’t want us sleeping or dating other people.

I think he is quite narcissistic thinking back to some things he used to say and he needed to know I liked him yet he would be very shady about things he would say back

OP posts:
user1486956786 · 02/05/2018 00:06

Well done! If you continued with him then a year from now you'd be looking back to now thinking you should've ended it then!

Every woman and man crosses a few mistake partners / dates I am sure!

You are only 6 months out of a marriage, personally I wouldn't even think or entertain dating right now even out of principle of how soon it is.

Focus on yourself and the right guy for you will walk into your life at a time that's right!

Onemansoapopera · 02/05/2018 08:17

What annoys me about these posts is that the posters always say "yes I wanted to take it slow but he was very full on, he wanted this and that etc". Did you forget what you wanted? Why didn't you decide your side of things and stick to it? If you feel yourself getting swept along, remind yourself this is a casual amazing flings, not a relationship? Lots and lots of casual amazing flings turn into relationship but not overnight - and I'm amazed when women say they are just swept along regardless because 'he' did this and that. Go in opened eyed. Enjoy the attention and the,sex. Always keep your rational head on that tells you a relationship with a stranger will take time to grow and become 'exclusive' (because you're both so into it you couldn't even think of ever looking at someone else at this point - that's exclusivity isn't it?) Clue. If you have to decide it and agree it, you're not there either of you. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy what you DO have at that moment in time. Dont tell me 8 weeks in you know you want to be with him forever? Course you dont! You have to take back your own decision making here...so he was full on - be that intelligent woman you know you are and enjoy the view but dont buy it until its real , for both of you!

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