How do I leave?

[FluffySlippers21]

Hello!
This might be long so if you manage to read to the end thank you 🙈
Basically how do I leave my fiancé?
I live in his house and we’re engaged, so far his parents have spent roughly £1000 in deposits.
He’s said a couple of times about how he doesn’t know what he would do without me and how his life would be over. Massive emotional blackmail
I’m miserable, I’m not in love, I’m not happy, I feel suffocated and I feel trapped. His parents are completely overbearing. He’s 26 yet they monitor his bank accounts, they have an opinion on everything and he will ask for their say on everything. They’re not currently speaking to me as I’m a university student and can’t afford to pay him £200 a month bills until I get a part time job.
We’ve been to a wedding fayre today and it’s the final straw. His mum spoke over me, even spelling out my last name for me. Face her opinion on everything and referred to it as “we” and “our wedding”
If I’m on the phone having a cig in the garden he fill find any excuse to come out eg. Taking bins out, checking the washimgvetc. Only when I’m on the phone though

How do you tell someone it’s over? I’m tempted to move my stuff out whilst he’s at work and leave the ring with a note
I’m not sure I can his/their reaction when I tel him

Hope this makes sense! Sorry if it’s long, rambling and confusing

so far his parents have spent roughly £1000 in deposits.

Oh well! That's their problem.

Have you somewhere to go? Pack your stuff and leave whilst he's at work to avoid a scene. Then call him and tell him...once you've moved out that is.

Don't tell him where you are though and DO NOT agree to meet him. Once you've done the deed, any meetings or even more calls, will give him false hope.

Find somewhere to go, pack your bags and leave a note.

I'd do it face to face, with packed bags at the ready.

Use the broken record technique..... come up with a sentence, maybe 'I'm really sorry but it's not working for me and it's no longer what I want. I'm moving out.' And repeat it kindly.

He will be in shock and try to talk you round. Give him an hour. Maybe have a taxi ordered for that time. You've had time to get used to it but he hasn't, so I'd give him that time but then get on out of there.

Well done for doing this. Sometimes it's just not right and you are bevel facing up to that.

Exciting times coming for you!!! But good luck with the first bit.

I would say a note too...but the fact is that he may not believe it unless he hears it from you OP.

He sounds unhealthily obsessed and insecure. I've had an ex like this and he came up with all kinds of outrageous ideas rather than face the truth.

If you pack and leave a note, he'll probably convince himself you've been kidnapped.

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Paul Simon

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
For the more I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
So I repeat myself, at the risk of being cruel
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said, I appreciate that, then would you please explain about the fifty ways
She said, why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe, in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free

^ Not to be flippant, but it really is that easy OP.

You are young with no difficulties yet such as DC and joint mortgages, etc. You haven't mentioned being afraid of your fiance. It just isn't right for you.

Wish him all the best and move on.

Thank you all so much, it’s a massive weight off my mind that leaving him doesn’t make me a monster as ridiculous as that sounds! 😳
Nope not scared of him, more scared of what’ll he do if I leave eg. Threaten suicide
Also slightly terrified of his parents reaction regarding the money spent and breaking their “darling boy’s” heart

Got my parents on standby Saturday to get my stuff out! Gonna ring my old job back and see if they will take me back part time - I moved areas to be with him which is why I left that job!

Yes got somewhere to go luckily. Still haven’t decided if to tell him or to just go - will most likely just go. Cowards way out I’m sure but I think I would stay out of guilt if I told him to his face

Thank you again ladies.

Agree with others - just take your stuff and go. Either leave a note, or tell him afterwards.

Honestly, leave she he's at work and high five yourself in the process. You're at the start of a really shitty relationship. Bloody well done for realising now while it's still easy to go.

I am sorry but threatening suicide if you leave is not your responsibility, it is blackmail.

I agree with PP that I would tell him face to face but have everything ready to go.

With regards to the deposits... They'd be more pissed off if they paid for the entire wedding and then for a divorce! You are doing the right thing by ending it now rather than entering into a doomed and unhappy marriage!

Good luck with it all.

You could always have your parents there, perhaps lurking in another room, when you tell him. At least it would help keep the emotions vaguely on check. More importantly it would stop any emotional blackmail caving you into staying.
Bon voyage!

It sounds like emotional blackmail is a running concept within the family....him,his parents. That's not your issue,that's theirs. However I would speak to him,have your stuff ready,and someone to collect you ...but he deserves to be told,I'm leaving,I'm not happy....wish you all the best,take care. No anger,no pettiness,tit for tat..just this is what it is,and leave. Leaving a note,is the easier option,but remember he's not expecting this,and a note would be like ''a kick in the teeth'' At least you talking to him,shows respect,strength and will be a kinder way for him to deal with it.

You believed you were in a relationship with an adult, healthy, well-adjusted man. You have discovered that his (and therefore your) relationship with his parents is stifling, claustrophobic and not mutually respectful.They are still very much in parental mode & are already treating you in a similar way.

You owe him nothing more than "I'm sorry, this is not working for me, so I am leaving. I wish you well for the future."

However you do it, whether face to face or by letter, make it fast and clear.
Good luck OP.

I’ve done this twice before- in my early and mid twenties.
If it’s over, it’s over.
Both times I knew they would try and make me change my mind so I emptied my stuff whilst they were at work (although we had had the “it’s over convo” first) I’ve never been one for confrontation and it would have been more upsetting for them if I had started packing and moving out with them present.

I wouldn't let him come home to an empty house without any warning - I think that's cruel and unless someone's been cruel to you, it's unnecessary. However, I would move out while he's not there and then phone him or send him an email/text to tell him, so that he knows before he gets home.

You only get to do life once

Good luck

Better off leaving him now than getting married and separating further down the line when you have mortgages and children. The emotional manipulating is not on and controlling PIL ruin loads of marriages so be grateful you are getting out before getting that far.

I think I would tell him face to face though. Leaving a note or texting him seems a bit cowardly and cruel.