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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to get rid of this man

4 replies

AliceAir · 29/04/2018 14:24

My friend is in an awful situation and I don’t know how to help her. I’ll try and give all necessary details but I don’t want to out her so I may change a few or be a bit vague.

She’s been married for nearly 30 years. Adult children, all left home. She has no other family of her own and no friends in the area they moved to (a long way from where we were living when we met, and from where I still live).

About 7ish years ago her Dh had an affair and left her. He used all their savings to buy a property for himself and the ow.

The affair between her Dh and Ow ended about 5 years ago, and I don’t know how, but the ow ended up with the property. The Dh came home to my friend. The Dh had lost his job by this time so they sold the family home and downsized.

They now live totally separate lives in a small house. They never speak unless they absolutely have to. He doesn’t work, and has said he feels no obligation to contribute financially as he did his bit earlier in the marriage! She works hard in 2 low paid jobs.

She’s desperately unhappy and struggling and feels utterly trapped and despondent. She wants to downsize again to a cheaper area and a small flat but she’s afraid that, just by him having lived with her for the last few years, he will be entitled to some money. She’s been to see a solicitor who will charge nearly £200 per hour so she can’t afford that.

I’ve suggested CAB and WA to her. What else can I suggest or do to help her? Thank you.

OP posts:
StrongerThanIThought76 · 29/04/2018 19:51

Can you find out if her husband is on the deeds of ow's house?

If so it would count as marital assets if they were to divorce. Messy to sort out but at least - eventually - some more cash in the pot. She has at least 50/50 shares in any equity in her current home.

Can she move into rented accommodation? As single she could be entitled to financial support whilst she gets her head straight and finds the strength to start the battle? Would also give him a kick up the arse to get himself a job to keep the roof over his head!

Try land registry to find out who owns ow's house. Might be a small fee.

StrongerThanIThought76 · 29/04/2018 19:52

www.gov.uk/search-property-information-land-registry

AliceAir · 29/04/2018 21:01

Thanks a lot Stronger for your post and your suggestions. I’ll discuss with her.

OP posts:
AliceAir · 30/04/2018 16:32

The Dh isn’t on the deeds of the house he shared with the ow. Nor is he on the deeds of the house he now lives in with my friend.

He contributes nothing but I guess, as they’re still married, he’d be entitled to 50/50 of any proceeds from a sale. She couldn’t afford to buy anywhere else with only 50% of the house’s value so feels she’s stuck with him. She’s also scared of him - he has a nasty temper :(.

OP posts:
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