friend fall out

[YellowRose26]

I fell out with a good friend a while back, because our children had a fall out! We’d been really close friends since school, and I still feel sad about it, and cross really if I'm honest. She blamed my child (who pushed hers because he was ignoring my child (so I was told after) and pulled right away from the friendship, saying afterwards that her ds was traumatised by it. (He was fine after the intial upset and wanted to carry on playing - but I thought it best that we left as her partner had hit the roof over it.) Our children had also been good friends for years.

It’s semi-resolved now and we see each other occasionally (with the children absolutely fine with each other as they always tend to be in these scenarios) but I still feel quite hurt and puzzled by it all. I had to explain to my dc that my friend and her ds were upset and that pushing/hurting is wrong, but I also said, rightly or wrongly, that it wasn't how I would have reacted/dealt with it, because they obviously realise that we don't really meet up any more. I suppose felt a bit embarrassed and hurt that my friend was obviously prepared to just ignore us all like that, rather than talk about it with us and resolve it with the children.

It’s like the “elephant in the room” that we didn’t speak for so long after such an enduring friendship, and not something I would ever have done if the situation had been reversed. I tend to think fall outs between children are pretty normal, but maybe I'm underestimating the effect of it, because my child did the pushing.

I’m just wondering how other people would deal with it? It feels quite sad to me and like my lovely friendship is damaged in some way. Would you speak about it, or continue to tiptoe round it and ignore it basically? I did try to talk about it at the time, but she just kept repeating that they were all still upset about it. I have to say I feel her partner was instrumental in pushing for the wedge in our friendship but that’s a whole other story, although one I also worry about (for her) if I'm honest

Sounds like a complete overreaction on her part. Kids fall out all the time.
A piece of advice I was given was not to fall out with friends when our kids fell out because, a few days later, they’ll be best mates again.
That’s said, I wouldn’t raise it with her. If anything, she should be apologising to you for her ridiculous overreaction. I’d leave it and carry on as if it never happened.
Maybe with the benefit of hindsight she’s embarrassed and that’s why she’s avoided discussing it.

Thanks so much for your reply, I appreciate it. I think you're right to say just leave it. I would never for one minute thought this rift happening between us was possible but I guess you just never know how people will react, or what else may be going on in their lives to drive their reactions. I think I'll always feel a bit sad about it though.

With time that sadness will lessen or maybe the rift will heal. I had a major event in my life which caused a rift with a very close friend, she behaved badly but I never spoke about it.
A lot of time passed and we’re close again now and I know, although she’s never mentioned it, that she’s sorry for the way she behaved.
I knew I’d done nothing wrong and you know that too so there’s nothing for you to do - it’s for your friend to deal with how she behaved.

I think you are lovely for being concerned about her, and i think you’re right to worry about her dh, he ‘hit the roof’ over a bit of something and nothing between children?

I would go with your instincts and try and remain in her life, if you’re right about him and he is actively trying to alienate her from you then she could be in real danger. And if you’re wrong, well, all that means is that you were the bigger person when you didn’t need to be - no harm done.

....and i should say, i would try and bring it up with her, just maybe with a breezy gosh i’m glad all that’s behind us now aren’t you, i love you and would hate to ever lose your friendship type statement that doesn’t require a response from her, just in case you’re right about him and he’s whispering in her ear about how you’re not her real friend and how you probably think she’s a silly bitch and hate her now for how she reacted - that’s how these men do as i am sure you know.

I think it is really really hard when your child has been physically or mentally hurt by another child. All your instincts are to get them away from that kid. So that includes all the other social spin-offs that arose from the childrens' relationship.