help - am I allowed to cut him off?

[Rose267]

My babies father has been completely inconsistent in her life. Since she was around six months old he’s gone periods of time (2-3 months) not seeing her at all, but wanting to be in constant contact with me. Refuses to only communicate about her, comes up with nonsense like ‘it’s us three or nothing’ baring in mind she doesn’t even recognise him. Hasn’t paid a penny, cheated on me while I was pregnant (and worse) and he shows all the behaviour of a narcissist.

It’s impossible for me to heal and move on while in contact with him, I would be able to if it was for just child related topics but he makes it impossible and point blank refuses. Emotionally abusive and tells me my daughter will hate me when she grows up if I send her father away (who doesn’t see her anyway)

This month and last month he has made promises to change, acknowledges he’s been wrong and actually manages to have a mature conversation about our daughter, contact, etc. Then flakes on it - if I ask him he either ignores me or comes out with some bullshit excuse.

the most recent speech was followed by radio silence for five days - no messages delivering, phone going straight to voicemail, and I was honestly starting to wonder if he was in hospital or similar - suddenly out of nowhere he messages me claiming he was really unwell (definitely bullshit) and that he deleted all of his social media. I have access to social media accounts for work, typed his details in and he popped straight up so for reasons unknown he has blocked me despite us not even arguing

Sorry this is a lot longer than I intended - but this man is really bringing misery to my life, taking up as much of my headspace as possible and it’s completely draining me mentally and emotionally.

Would it be bad of me to go no contact because we have a child? He rarely shows interest in her and refuses to discuss visiting/custody/finances etc. And it always gets drawn into another stressful drama . Its affecting me and taking away from my happiness and first years of my babies life. I feel trapped and always scared to tell family/friends incase he finds out and takes it out on me. Tia for any advise or views x

No I don't think you are being unreasonable. He's clearly messing around, exercising his power over you just because he can. It's not good for a child to have father drifting in and out of her life as and when he wants. Tell him NC. He'll have to make an application to court. A social workers report and mediation will be required. Can he be bothered? I doubt it. Is he paying any maintenance?

Chinesecrested - this is what I’m worried about, my daughter has formed bonds know, knows peoples names and calls them, with him there’s no recognition or bond. He just hasn’t bothered, but he’s insistent that we are always in contact, messaging me most days but constantly playing mind games.

He’s never paid a penny in maintence, I have a CMS case which got £80 nearly a year ago and had no payments since. He ignores their calls and letters, it’s now been escalated and is going down the route of a liability order, I’m not sure how long it’s likely to take but he still point blank refuses to discuss.

The final straw has been him disappearing for days to the point I was going to start calling hospitals and there’s no reason behind it, totally blocked me off everything for no reason but still wants to text constantly. Such a mindfuck

I would wholeheartedly agree with going NC, he's just a sperm donor. You gave him loads of chances to be in DD's life.

Agree with PP. You need to be totally clear with him.

Send him one message.

"We are not us. You are not part of my life any more. If you want to be part of your daughters' you will need to take me to court to arrange proper visitation. Please don't message me about anything except your daughter from now on."

Then ignore, block, whatever you need to do. If he messages about DD respond, anything else just don't reply.

My guess is he will soon lose interest and your life will be a lot more peaceful.

Agree with the others. He’s had his chances. If he wants contact he can go to court (he won’t. It’s expensive and would involve him making some effort)

Block him or change your number too