Slow faded after one amazing date

[Blondiefromyorks]

Hi all,

I know I'm.being ridiculous but just can't seem to forget a guy whom to be honest I hardly know!

Met him online and had a brilliant date and conversation. he seemed really keen to meet again and then we texted/ called quite a bit but after the next couple of weeks he 'slow faded' i.e. not totally ghosted but stopped entering into conversation and the second date never happened despite having been semi arranged (he cancelled plans the next week 'due to work' and we rescheduled for the weekend after but didn't decide on the exact day).

I initiated contact once or twice until this became apparent then left him alone as he's obviously lost interest for whatever reason. Doesn't really matter why.

This was 6 weeks ago, I have a really busy life and have been on loads of dates, none of whom have piqued my interest in quite the same way And I can't seem to forget him!! I'm not hurting as it was only one date, he just keeps popping up in my mind and to be honest it's really annoying!

Please, any tips on how to forget him or whether there's any point making a last ditch attempt at restarting contact? I'm thinking 'No' to this as it is his prerogative to stop talking to me and also I am proud!

I assure you I've not been obsessing over or stalking him or anything, my mind just seems to keep wandering back to him!

Just leave it. He's clearly not that bothered. In my experience it's easy to get carried away on a first date but then realise afterwards that It's not quite right, for whatever reason. Or he could just be very flighty. It's frustrating, though, I know.

I think you're doing the right things already - going on other dates and getting on with your life. There wouldn't seem to be any point in contacting him - his behaviour has made it obvious he's not very interested. Hopefully you'll meet someone else who interests you and that will help you put the slow-fade guy out of your mind.

You know he is not that into you, so no do not contact him.

Thanks for the replies, you're all absolutely right, it would be silly to make contact, he's made his feelings clear.

Irene I think that might be what's happened. We are quite different people in some ways although we got on very well.

I personally wouldn't try and contact him again if you didn't get any reply to your last two messages, especially after six weeks. Sorry to be harsh, but it's likely he is not thinking of you in the same way and may wonder why he is still on your mind after so long. Or even if he doesn't mind that you're clearly still invested and does respond, I'd imagine he'd probably do the same thing - reply when he's not busy and then not make you a priority when things get busy again, and do the fade again.
FWIW I think slow fading & rescheduling a date with no intention of going through with it are signs of an immaturity that would likely manifest in other ways once dating/in a relationship, and I'd factor that negative opinion of someone in alongside my attraction for them.

I'd approach it exactly how you would a breakup (doesn't have to mean you think of it as a breakup) - your focus should only be on leaving him behind - and half the battle is being honest with yourself on this. Blocking him may help as a tactic to flip the switch in your mind (not with the aim of preventing him from contacting you, but just to finalise things). It's not a 'biding your time', it's a 'I will never speak to him again'. Every time you find yourself e.g. thinking of possible reasons he wasn't interested (or whatever else happens when your mind wanders to him), shut this down and think of something else. Will become more automatic after a while.
I'm really sorry you're feeling bad though :(

Might help to figure out how he made you feel...rather than him as a person.
You could then look for those qualities in others.
I suspect you are telling yourself he was "the one" rather than someone who I quite liked.

Thanks velour- that's a great point, that this would most likely happen again, also wouldn't have bode well for other aspects of the relationship (if one had occured).

Life begins- shamefully you're right, I got carried away at the time thinking he was nearly perfect