Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unapproachable friend

10 replies

mostunapproachable · 27/04/2018 18:04

How do you attempt to approach a friend who is the most unapproachable person ever. The type that ignores and sweeps things under the carpet.

Briefly, we are a group of 4 female friends. We all met at the local school when our children started in reception. Now 2 have fallen out due to their tween children essentially not seeing eye to eye and one parent (parent A) being very blinkered and insistent on only seeing their child’s and their own point of view. (I actually find her child incredibly difficult, manipulative and therefore drama creating) I get that every parent instantly becomes that mama bear and sides with their own.

However, now I appear to be getting the cold shoulder and strong sense of being distanced too from parent A. Which is rapidly worsening week on week. And we have always been the closest. Partly I think because although I have kept impartial, I have attempted to bring up with her a potential other view point on the situation. Which didn’t go down well. I have been more or less ignored from then around the fall out and group separation, however I will get occasional brief texts- pleasantries if you like.

I can’t cope with Elephants in the room. I like to address things but she has form for non addressing.

So I want to ask her to have a chat in the most succinct way getting my point across that it’s important to do so to move on. I find it hurtful and bizarre that a friendship could spiral from weekly meets for tea, drinks and meals out, a trip abroad last year together to this. Any text that I’ve mentioned anything has tended to be brushed over but I’d like to ask her to have a chat now - do you thing that’s reasonable???

OP posts:
soggydigestive · 27/04/2018 18:58

It sounds like you've already made your mind up parent A is in the wrong and I doubt you're going to change her mind, so I'm not sure what the conversation with her is hoping to achieve tbh

hedgebackwards · 27/04/2018 21:52

You can't cope with elephants in the room and like to get things out in the open. She seems to be the sort of person who thinks that some things are best left unsaid. Particularly if they are pointing out why she might be in the wrong.

I'm not sure that the conversation would go all that well, to be honest.

What are you actually trying to achieve?

GreenTulips · 27/04/2018 21:57

Are the tweens having bullyung issues?
Only it can be a difficult time for most parents to navigate

Sitting in the fence and not standing shoulder to shoulder with a good friend would irritate me! She's your friend and yet you appear to offer her little support

How you see/feel about her child is irrelevant to the support she needs as a parent

There no elephant she knows what you thinkn

mostunapproachable · 27/04/2018 22:30

I’m not looking to support her as yes I essentially disagree with her attitude to the whole fall out and lack of peripheral vision and thinking around her child’s behaviour amongst the group.

The elephant is most definitely there, the entire situation that she won’t acknowledge or talk about, swept under the carpet.

I guess I’m trying to achieve her acknowledgment that the adult friendships are different due to her reaction re her child. A significant change

OP posts:
RondaRed · 28/04/2018 04:54

There is no obligation to make her your friend again. Id just leave it. Its not her problem you cant cope, mobe on. Focus on something else.

NorthEndGal · 28/04/2018 05:07

It sounds like you want to hive her a scolding and make her apologize, rather than clear the air.

NorthEndGal · 28/04/2018 05:08

*give her

Angelf1sh · 28/04/2018 07:42

If you’re not looking to support her and think she’s in the wrong then you don’t want to clear the air, you want to tell her why she’s wrong (IYO). Why do you need her to accept that she’s changed the dynamic? What does that achieve? She knows the dynamic has changed, she’s stopped meeting up with you. It sounds to me like she’s decided that as all three of you have sided against her child (and you have sided against her, you’re not neutral), she wants to cool the friendship off a bit. She’s entitled to do that, without your consent. She might be in the wrong over the child thing, obviously I’ve no idea, but I can completely understand why she’s defending her child, it sounds to me like you’re being unreasonable in expecting her to listen to you telling her why she’s wrong to do that and to agree that she’s acting unreasonably.

I’m sure you have other friends, leave this one and move on.

mostunapproachable · 16/02/2019 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mostunapproachable · 16/02/2019 15:13

Sorry - I meant to post this as a separate thread not reinvent this thread as it's a separate issue

Hold on....

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page