She's moving on,

[Notagain22]

Iv recently split with my extremely long term GF. We are still very good friends and we still see and speak daily. We help each other financially and work perfectly together with our children.

However, she now tells me she's ready to move on and has a date set up with another man. I'm absolutely devastated, I can't function and don't know how to carry on. I still love her, its only been a month or so since she moved out.

What do I do? She wants me in her life but I don't know how that can be? She knows how I feel and knows how upset I am but this doesn't seem to mean anything.

Am I just being a complete doormat or what?

Thank you all for the continued advice.

I'm begining to wind myself up with all the overthinking and going over horrendous scenarios in my head.

I keep toying with the idea of getting intouch with a woman I knows interested in going on a date but something just dosnt sit right with me. I still feel as if I would be betraying my ex and that it would make things even more difficult. But then I can't bare the though of her with someone and I'm alone.

Mornings are the worst 😞

Do you think there is still a chance for you both? I would show up looking my absolute best and just act like you're completely fine and getting on with your life. Don't say where you're going unless she asks you and then just say out with friends or just be vague. Yes it's playing a game but maybe one worth playing if she shows some interest. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time.

I would like to think yes, she still has feelings for me and her going out on a date is just her thinking "why not I'm single" and being flattered. Suppose time will only tell but I fear if at sompoint we do reconcile all the trust will have gone.

I just wish she had said no and shown me something

Don’t reply to her message. Ignore it please. I am angry at what she has sent you. You don’t hurt someone then start asking how they are like they care. Respond to her only about the children nothing more and treat it like a business transaction until you are stronger.

I'm really trying to have as little contact as possible and I'm really trying to move on. I just can't stop thinking about her with someone else and my kids eventually with another man in their lives.

When I speak with her it's really like nothing has happened, I think she's so wrapped up in this other person she's totally forgotten how much I'm hurting. I put on a brave face and act like I'm ok with everything but then I'll have a breakdown. I feel so worthless and alone and every minute is torture.

I can't go no contact it's just not possible. Any advice on how to really move forward whilst Still in contact every day?

Thank you

How about turning your phone off except for a message check at 1pm or whatever, and not replying unless there's an actual need. I don't actually think you need to be in touch about the kids very much - you're their dad, you can take care of them. You need a written routine of handovers that you both abide by. Wean her off all this constant response. She doesn't get to fUck someone else and 'still be a family' she broke that.

Depends on age of kids. If the children are old enough to walk in/out of house themselves, get them to do that when you're picking up & dropping off. That cuts out a lot of unnecessary contact. Agree with pp re not discussing your plans, at this point in time she is not your friend, it's too soon/raw. Down the line maybe, but at this point you need to protect yourself/disengage.

I think she's so wrapped up in this other person she's totally forgotten how much I'm hurting.

Can totally relate to this. In my case ex is self-absorbed and hasn’t cared about me for a long time - and in any case we weren’t speaking - but we had to be in the same house for about 6 months from when he started seeing her. Two seconds after it was over between us. But he was still in the house and I knew how loved up he was.

The other day he was here (things not totally sorted yet) and he got a phone call from her - so he is ignoring me, but to her he is so kind. All I could think was FUCK OFF. There is something about having to be in the same bloody house while they are shagging someone else which is just awful.

I will only be able to heal properly once he is never here.

I think you need to get angry OP. Not overtly, but set very firm boundaries and look after yourself.

I suppose I'm not really helping myself am I? I still feel some crazy sense of loyalty and still feel as it's my job to look after her.

She's not really done anything wrong she's just moving on quickly. I think it's the typical " I got over you long before the relationship ended " scenario.

Sometimes I wish I were one of these brain dead men with no feelings or sensitivity. Life would be much easier.

Totally feel for you, op. My ex h did this with a neighbour no less (he still lives a few doors down and has a child with her). Listen I know it's a cliché but time heals. Even when you have to see them all the time. Promise.

Hard as it is you need to show disinterest in her, if she truly loved and wanted a future with you, she'd not be taking up with another man, and telling you so as well; see that as it being over OP, you can't hang around like a lost dog waiting for her to come back to you, get out on that date with that other woman, life is for living, don't waste any more time on her; show her you can do exactly the same and actually mean it and do it.

Don't let her think you are just there for her to come back to when it suits her; she's making a bold statement, she's looking for another man - it's over.

Well quick update. Iv just found out that she has been involved with this person for months! She only moved out 4 weeks ago so she had been involved with this person whilst still living together! I never thought after all the years she could do this.

The other man had been a shoulder to cry on and support her apparently and she dint mean to hurt me.

Now at least I know the full picture but my faith in her and respect has completely gone.

Now at least I know the full picture but my faith in her and respect has completely gone.

Time to move on. Go on that date with the other woman. Not to play games, but to help you move on. Itsy not work out but you've taken the first step

It may*

Hi Notagain - sorry to hear this. However don't make it easy for her - that is look after your children why she goes out.
Can you not arrange proper access - every other weekend and one night in the week - I know you love your kids and you need to protect yourself now. You must be hurt.
Look after yourself.

Did she really even have to tell you? Yes, probably for babysitting.

Hi everyone,

So in this past week Iv found out all of the above and now also the below.

My ex now tells me that this new relationship is really going to work and that she doesn't see a problem introducing my children to him.

Iv tried to talk her out of it but Iv now found out that my kids have been introduced.

She says they aren't bothered and are happy with it they are 6+12!

She's doesn't truly know this person yet it's only been weeks since she moved out.

What do I do?

Who are the kids living with now? You or her mainly? If you, make sure you get CMS involved now so she’s not taking the piss with maintenance in the same way she’s taking the piss on everything else.

Unfortunately you can’t stop her introducing the OM at this point (sounds like she already has?) and you just have to hope it doesn’t hurt the kids later down the line. If they’re not living with you, are you seeing as much of them as you possibly can? You need to be the stability their “mum” isn’t giving them atm.

Don’t be fobbed off with eow and a night in the week if you’re able to do more. That’s just the bare minimum and it fucks me off beyond belief that some Mums on here seem to think that’s the “right” outcome (one they’d never accept for themselves, but what’s the value of a father eh?).

Good luck OP. IMO a date for yourself probably isn’t what you need right now. You’re not going to be in a good place emotionally and it’ll end up either being very short term (maybe not fair to your date) or you’ll settle unwisely and it’ll go on longer than it should.

Your right and Iv already been to see a solicitor who recommended I talk with her first and try and get an agreement.

It makes me sick! We often discussed this situation with friends going through it and both our advise was don't not get the kids involved early!

She has completely flipped.

She say she knows it's probably too fast but it's about time she did something for her and she feels it's right.

she sounds like an epic arsehole of the highest degree.
I don't think there is a lot you can do about them being introduced to the OM
Just hold your head up high and be the better person.

I'm worrying this just a rebound relationship. She has completely wrapped herself up with this person and already believes it's going to last.

I can't help worry about her. Her actions are just not that of the woman I knew.

No advice but I am in a very similar position with my H and I know how much it hurts.

It does really hurt and I feel for you. I keep thinking why do I still care, let her go and sleep in the bed she's made. I wish I was as hard as she is but I'm not. The whole situation makes no sense to me.