Confused

[mcjf30]

Hello, I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years. I have a 7 year old, he doesn't have children. Over the last few months he has showed no affection towards me often falling asleep at 8pm after scrolling through his tablet and ignoring me. I kicked off last night (7 year old fast asleep) and finally said I have had enough when I went to bed at 10pm. He then went to the sofa and moaned he had work it the morning. I work and have financially propped him up for the 2 years we've been together and feel like I'm being used as a hotel as we don't live together I have my own house, he rents a room. I am distraught today as I don't want to become a single mum again, but I can't carry on feeling used. My son is really attached to him. What on earth do I do?

It doesn't sound like he brings much to the party really. What are the good things about your relationship?

You lay down some ground rules. If he’s spending a lot of time at your house then he contributes financially, end of. I have a friend being used like this and rather than address the issue she continually moans to me about it, and I am getting pretty fed up of it tbh!

If he’s that tired, then he sleeps at his place. If he’s coming round to see you, then he should be spending time with you, otherwise what’s the point?

Get assertive and see what happens. You don’t have to leave him at this stage but you can’t carry on like this either.

He is taking advantage of you, do not let going it alone be a reason to stay and put up with it.

Tell him to go back and live at his place until he's sorted himself out. You need some ground rules, maybe even write them down? If they are not acceptable to him then you know where you stand!

I did get assertive last night, his reaction was to put my spare key through my front door this morning. I often say to him if you're tired don't bother coming over. I feel like a control freak right now as apparently this isn't how a normal relationship is and I'm the one in the wrong according to him. I'm absolutely knackered most of the time but he came over last night for the first time this week after staying up playing snooker and pool, yet fell asleep at 8pm yet again. My son had only just gone to bed?! I think I've answered my own question here really. I'm just so scared about being alone again but I guess I am already with his attitude to relationships.

I did get assertive last night, his reaction was to put my spare key through my front door this morning. I often say to him if you're tired don't bother coming over. I feel like a control freak right now as apparently this isn't how a normal relationship is and I'm the one in the wrong according to him.

Oh dear, well in that case then (as you’ve realised) you have your answer. You are most definitely not in the wrong. Normal relationships are supportive, the couple enjoys spending time together, they are equals. None of which you have with this man.

Please don’t be afraid of being alone. I came out of a LTR last year and, I won’t lie, it was bloody hard at first. But, I then decided to “date” myself, haha, sounds ridiculous I know but I started buying myself flowers sometimes, just because I felt like it. I got into all my old hobbies (which I just never seemed to have time to do when in the relationship). I got myself some lovely girly bedding and wallowed in being able to read or whatever without disturbing the other person. All that money you were using on him, spend it on yourself. I may have actually gone too far with the whole thing as I’m now not sure I would ever want to live with someone again! But it does then give you a very good standard to judge any future partners by. I know now that there’s a lot of crap that I just would not tolerate for one second.

Thanks lovely that's really given me some strength. I can't talk about it to friends or family as I was in a DV relationship 6 years ago with my sons Dad and it would only worry them which I don't want to do that do them again. Feeling so lost, it's like he's playing games. I wish there was a man out there that genuinely cared for women. I'm really giving up hope now. Anyway I have my gorgeous 7 year old boy and that's all that matters

Good for you, you’ll be fine 😊 get yourself some treats for the weekend (I like red wine and chocolate 😉 ) and snuggle up and watch a film, or whatever you like doing. It really is his loss not yours. And remind yourself that when you waste time with someone who isn’t right, you could be missing out on someone who is right. Better to be alone, but available if someone great does come along, than to be stuck with a loser. You and your son are worth better than that idiot!

Were you in touch with a DV organisation when you split from your Ex?
If not then do so now.
Talk to Womens Aid. Do their Freedom Programme.
I think you bagged another shit-head.
Stop wasting your previous time and money on someone who is just there to take advantage of you and your generous nature.
Imagine he's basically taking money away from your son!!
You need to raise that bar!
Raise your standards.
Stop accepting this kind of man!
Why would you financially prop up a grown man?
Stop it. Have some respect for yourself.

WA - Freedom Programme - fast!!!

I haven't been in touch with a DV group. I did go to the doctors years ago and they gave me telephone counselling. I have up on that pretty quickly as it was useless.. rate out 10 etc. The man in question has texted me saying I'll speak to you tomorrow. He's got a few drinks planned with his friend tonight that I've known about. However I can't believe he would say speak tomorrow. I feel like if he was decent he'd be over here after work trying to sort it out. I'm so emotionally confused right now. He's defintely gone, if he was a good man and cared he would have shown it today. Bottle of pinot for me tonight after little ones in bed and a massive bar of chocolate with a film. Thanks for the comments everyone, I think I needed to rant out the issues I have sorry if it sounds a bit weird just typing away at my phone and not thinking properly x

Do you think he just wants a Mummy who runs a nice home where he can put his feet up and chill? Not a Real Live Woman who needs a Real Live Man?

It's so disappointing isn't it, but to me it seems that he is not good enough for you x

Sadly I completely agree with you, I just need to realise it. It doesn't stop the heart break in ending it though.