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Original poster

should wife be informed about cheating husband?

33 replies

Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:12

I've been in strange relatonship with someone who forgotten tell me about wife. We had long distance relationship. We even have child together. First when I found out about the wife he said they are separated but are they really? Why for 7 years haven't I met his friend and familly. Recently I decided to stop seeing him as I think he is lying to me all the time. But now some little evil, dark side of my nature trying to persuade me to contact his wife and ask her if they really separated or happily married. That wouldn't change much for me but if they married and she doesn't know about me should I destroy her hapiness? But I wish I could destroy his house of cards and his playing nature. Anyone with any ideas?

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 27/04/2018 12:15

You'll get varied responses to this but yes, I would tell her. He has another child. I would not ask about their marriage, I'd just tell her about his relationship with you.

CindyLouWhoo · 27/04/2018 12:19

What kind of relationship does he have with your child? How old is the child? All the children involved deserve to know the other exists so I'd tell him he can tell her or you will.

Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:20

I am thinking about it. This guy is real player. But if I just tell her about the relationship wouldn't it look like I try to break ther marriage and want him for me? I finished as mistress without even knowing about it.

OP posts:
Jozxyqk · 27/04/2018 12:22

If my DH had cheated on me with someone, regardless of whether there was a child as a result of that relationship, I'd want to know. I'd want to know if I was wasting my life with a cheater who was potentially putting my health at risk. Not everyone will feel the same though, & many people tend to regard the OW as being at fault even if she wasn't aware the DH was still in a supposedly committed relationship.

I'd also want my DCs to have the chance to know their half-sibling. Not their fault the father can't be trusted to keep his trousers on.

Storm4star · 27/04/2018 12:24

As you have a child together, is he paying some kind of maintenance? Having access etc? I personally think that because there is a child involved, yes you should contact the wife. If you don’t, what if the child gets to say 18 and decides to seek out their father alone (if he hasn’t been involved) and she gets a grown up appear on her doorstep?? In this scenario yes I think she needs to know.

Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:25

CindyLouWhoo my child is 3 years old and has no relationship with him. He even didn't gave my son last name. As we have long distance relationship he visited child 4 times in his life. Yeah, I was seriously stupid. He was always working but there was no money as always something happened and he was broke. He has another grown up children from wife. You know, now, I don't even want him near my child. He is lier and made me believe his lies for years.

OP posts:
DairyisClosed · 27/04/2018 12:27

If it were my husband I would want to know. I would be grateful to you if you told me.

Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:29

Jozxyqk Thank you for you reply. Really needed to know something from wife perspective. He is not on my child bcertificate and I think I prefer leave it like that. From his story his familly is a mess but he is a lier so who knows the truth. Anyway, I don't want my child be associate with that person anymore

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 27/04/2018 12:31

I would definitely want o know

Storm4star · 27/04/2018 12:33

From what your saying, I think maybe if you do go ahead, the thing you should be prepared for is he will likely call you a liar and deny the child is his. If his wife is one of those “sticks her head in the sand” women then she will probably choose to believe him. I’m not saying that should affect your decision either way. Just something to be prepared for.

Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:33

Storm4star he doesnt pay anything. And I don't want to sue him for child support as then he can claim visitation rights just for revange etc. For now he is not on my child birth certificate so can't hurt me anymore. I think, I hope, my son won't looking for father as I make sure he knows all truth. Even now he sees how I struggle to survive with no help from anyone.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 27/04/2018 12:33

So for 7 years you thought he wasn't attached, yeah right.

If you don't want him seeing child or yourself I'd move on and forget them both, she will find out soon enough as he sounds a delight.

Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:36

Storm4star that's what I am affraid of. Not sure how wife would react. Who knows what stories he will tell her. he has huge imagination. I think she suspect something as she started posting old pics of them together on every social networks possible.

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Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:38

Adora10 Funny isn't it? I was suspecting something but this guy wow found explanation for everything. I think I wanted sometimes believe in lies and not search deep enough. All my friends were teling me he is lier but I wanted believe him.

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Adora10 · 27/04/2018 12:39

Yip, you didn't want to know.

hardtoplease · 27/04/2018 12:40

Would it upset the apple cart if you did tell her though? I mean, would he start to want contact do you think?

I would want to know if I were the wife. Beware though, in case he wants revenge.

Dvg · 27/04/2018 12:44

I would want to know. its up to her whether she believes or not but at least you can say you've tried, An affair is different to actually having a child with another woman.

Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:46

hardtoplease He is contacting me from time to time with more lies. I am tired of lies and I just wish to know if they are togerher and were all the time when he played me.

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Adayindisney67 · 27/04/2018 12:48

She deserves to know and so do the siblings. The children are innocent and they deserve a relationship.

Original poster
Atlantis17 · 27/04/2018 12:49

There should be some register for cheaters or even marriages. Open for everyone, so it was possible to check if guy is single or married

OP posts:
StarlightSparkle · 27/04/2018 12:51

I think you should tell her. She has a right to know what sort of man she’s married to (though she may already know if she’s got any sense).

Karigan1 · 27/04/2018 12:51

Putting aside how you feel don’t you think your child has a right to know about siblings? If there are any that is. As he said they were seperated I would be inclined to contact so your kid can know the extended family

Storm4star · 27/04/2018 12:52

I think tell her, but if it starts getting messy don’t be drawn in to any drama. If i’m reading it right, you have seen her on social networks? In which case, I would compose a message, keep it fairly unemotional, just facts, and send it. She can choose what she wants to do with that information.

LexieLulu · 27/04/2018 12:55

I think yes, you should tell wife. Mainly because their is a child involved.

FrancesDestroyed · 27/04/2018 12:57

I took the decision not to tell the ow's H am that his new wife had been having an affair with my H......even sexting when they were on their 1 month honeymoon.
I just wasn't strong enough and didn't know what it would achieve. I also wasn't sure what his reaction would be and I didn't want hurting any more.